Triggered By No Reply To Email

[Sideways]

Your email was awesome. Inner critic be damned. You want to see him again, you let him know in a really decent way. With fears of rejection on board, that's a really big achievement. And it would be crazy awesome if he responds and ultimately you get to catch up.

But you know what? The big win here is that you sent the email. Go you good thing! How much easier would it have been to not put yourself out there at all? This is something you did for yourself, despite your learned fears, for no other reason than this was something you wanted that might make you feel good. Even if he doesn't reply, even if he replies and knocks you back, I could worst-case-scenario this any way you like and it's still a big achievement and you should be proud of yourself:)

 

[Ms Blue Sky]

Thank you so much everybody
So happy to read your replies, I have woken up feeling better than yesterday and okay
Guess I had this massive anxiety around it as this is new behaviour for me and something I have never done in my life before, in the past even when s guy who I liked, was clearly interested in me too, I could NEVER let him know in case in my mind, I turned him off and he would run a mile and be disgusted I liked him
Sadly I believed anyone would recoil if they thought I liked them even though logically I can see and know that I am actually pretty, intelligent and nice
Think it stems from my dad glaring at me with contempt many times when I was growing up as though I was disgusting
So not getting that email back triggered those fears of being contemptible
The good news is though! I liked this man and for once in my life ( and long may it continue! ) I am aiming high and able to show interest in and get validation back from somebody I find intelligent, attractive and interesting
He may not have replied now but so far it has all gone remarkably swimmingly and I should pat myself on the back
For years I let men I like who actually liked me back, slip through my fingers as I acted disinterested and usually ended up just p****ing them off
I have a feeling this guy may be the same as me

But today I've decided I'm going to be super kind to myself and enjoy my life regardless of what this man does or doesn't do, I think I've been through the worst now and I've seen I can survive it
To some others this wouldn't seem a big deal but relationships with men to me are terrifying, I grew up very scared of men with no confidence or belief in myself as an attractive woman so this is a major step, I have never risked before, unless it was with people I wasn't bothered about in which case who cares if they rejected me?
I'll just finish by saying that with this man, think he is the same as me, one day I finished work and he came walking towards me, I couldn't greet him for fear and felt tongue tied and then he couldn't greet me back and neither of us said anything though he looked sadly at me from the corner of his eye then went in and slammed the door
There is a possibility I think that he illogically fears I will knock him back if he sets a date even though I've implied I would like to see him
I know he is similar to me
Today though I will focus on myself, I am good no matter what he does, I won't abandon myself and my life again, it was far too painful and I don't want one more day of it!
Thank you all again Xxx

 

[Deb Bergman]

Dear Ms Blue Sky,

You have been through some tough things in your life. It is understandable how you feel. I'm very happy to know that you will keep taking care of yourself and being kind to you. Hang in there. You are doing great. Have a wonderful afternoon.
Deb

 

[Ms Blue Sky]

Aw thanks Deb :-)
I am feeling better today, decided not to look at my email for four days, by that time I will be able to look but right now I am feeling too addicted to this person and needy and have to get back to me and my life again, I have abandoned myself
So cold turkey it is! And I can feel my fingers wanting to reach for the mail button
But today I have done some sorting out and done my job well and also had a tiny cry this morning, let a few tears out and connected with my pain due to rejection and abandonment starting from a young age
This was a victory as normally I find it hard to cry! So things much better today
Thank you Xx

 

[Ms Blue Sky]

All my feelings are coming up, methinks he was a distraction...