Triggered by therapy??

[Druidcat]

So..I have taken the bold step of actually going to therapy this month. I am also getting a service dog. And I have found it tremendously triggering. It's like..pulling scabs off of wounds. It hurts. It makes me anxious. I have panic attacks quite frequently and am super hypervigilent. I don't even drive because of I am too scared to drive- Ive been in six car accidents (as passenger only) and it caused me a tbi..I don't leave my house without my husband. So therapy is scary. Is this "normal" for therapy? I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. I feel frightened that the dog and therapy will actually work, does that make sense? I have not experienced being an adult without my ptsd. In an odd way, it is comforting. It is all I know. I'm not sure who I am without it. I am afraid of who I am without this. I want rid of it, but at the same time, it is also my security, my identity. I'm the woman who lost her kids. I'm the woman who has a tbi. I'm afraid of what therapy will bring. Does that make sense to anyone? just looking for any reassurance that therapy and the dog are good..I tend to sabotage any good thing in my life because I'm actually afraid of success. My kids died when I was twenty and I also had my tbi at the same time..so I have never known myself without this. I want out..I want to be happy..but I am tremendously triggered by it as well. I guess my question is, is it normal to feel worse before you feel better? because I feel terribly anxious about change, even if it's for the better. :(

 

[Friday]

Yep. Totally normal for trauma therapy.

Regular life stuff therapy I tend to think of like going to the doctor. You don’t feel well, go to the doctor, feel better.

Trauma therapy is much more like reconstructive surgery & physical therapy. It’s going to hurt a lot more in the beginning than it did before. Badly healed broken bones have to be rebroken so they can mend correctly, and weak muscles have to be strengthened, new/old skills have to be relearned. It’s a lot of severe pain, and sweating, and huffing and puffing trying to take even one step... when before you could zip about on crutches with a gimpy leg just fine. But afterwards? After all the pain, and tears, and sweat, and exhaustion? No more crutches, no more gimpy leg, and not just walking with ease but running.

 

[Kubash16]

Friday summed it up perfectly. What you’re feeling is totally normal. I’m so sorry for what brought you to it :hug: but you’ve stumbled on a great forum and you are doing all the right things!

 

[hithere]

Yes, I understand this all. I'm so sorry about your kids. I don't know how old you are now, but I can't imagine ever getting over that. Driving IS scary even for someone who has not been in so many accidents. Therapy IS scary. It's scary A>F> but take it slow in my opinion.
I have sabotaged myself and I have prevented myself from having success. I have masochist personality as a result of the way I adapted to the trauma. I'm just now facing all that. Having good things happen to me causes me a stressful feeling. Receiving anything good is difficult for me. I understand not wanting to change. Many times I did not want to have that "free" feeling. So now the hard work is to tolerate all those bad feelings as I achieve or gain something good. Eventually, they will change into healthy feelings. I give myself permission to receive and have good things.

You did make a bold step, so I'm guessing, that your time is here, On some level you know you deserve more now. I wish you the best on your healing journey.

 

[MyWillow]

Yeah trauma therapy is where I had my first dissociative episode (various kinds too), first panic attack and first memory loss as an adult. So many firsts I could have done without. My psydoc and equine T work bloody hard to keep me within a “window of tolerance” but it’s very difficult as I don’t know my triggers. It can wipe me out for a day or a week.

 

[Starfire]

Just my experience.....what everyone has said is so true. But my ptsd never went totally away. More & more manageable. Life got more & more pleasureable. But it still rears it ugly head. Luckily had/have excellent therapists. And my dogs were 4 footed miracle workers. But the past doesn't disappear. The future does get brighter.

 

[MamaHopeful]

Yep. Totally normal for trauma therapy.

Regular life stuff therapy I tend to think of like going to the doctor. You don’t feel well, go to the doctor, feel better.

Trauma therapy is much more like reconstructive surgery & physical therapy. It’s going to hurt a lot more in the beginning than it did before. Badly healed broken bones have to be rebroken so they can mend correctly, and weak muscles have to be strengthened, new/old skills have to be relearned. It’s a lot of severe pain, and sweating, and huffing and puffing trying to take even one step... when before you could zip about on crutches with a gimpy leg just fine. But afterwards? After all the pain, and tears, and sweat, and exhaustion? No more crutches, no more gimpy leg, and not just walking with ease but running.

I really appreciate this comment.

It is really, really painful!