Triggered From School Project

[~Iceheart~]

Hello there, thank you for taking the time to read this.

In my English class, we just finished a mandatory book called, "All Quiet on the Western Front", a novel based on WWI. It describes the physical and emotional boundaries and wounds sustained by facing threats to the body and mind in endless warfare. Though I have never been at war in real life, I found a lot of things that I could relate to subconsciously.

These relations were not positive. They were triggers, unearthing memories and fear. In the psychological sense, I am still at war with memories of betrayal and of a psych ward. More than once was I forced to shut the book due to being unable to bear the irony and emotional connections. I felt trapped and powerless again, and my grade suffered severely.

The book is over with, and I am surprised that I pushed through the majority of it. But now, there is something worse that I must deal with (in my opinion). I must write an argumentative essay on the effects of conflict and use the book as one of my sources. What must I argue? The toll on the individual. What pains me is that I know the truth all too well. I don't know how far I will get with this before things go to hell in a hand basket...

This includes how "the soldiers can be treated for their physical wounds and mental scars in hospitals and wards to help them overcome the trauma of the war". I don't even know how to respond to that. Wards were my reality, and my time spent in that 'hell' is still the scene of many of my nightmares. Must I truly write on this?

And the constant fear, the running, using anything possible to survive, losing everything you had ever known before in the process. It hits home. I don't know how I'm going to push past this one, but I cannot let my grade keep dropping. I just hope I stop having panic attacks because of this book (all of which I have to hide to keep from looking suspicious enough to be sent back). As far as I can see, there's no bright end to this. No easy way out. I am going to have to stick my way through, but if anyone has advice on how to deal with something unavoidable like this, I would appreciate the help. Any help. Thank you, and I hope you have a good day. <3

 

[somuchpain]

Send me a note on this when I'm awake and I can probably write a paper on the subject for you. g'night

 

[Echo]

I would suggest you speak to your teacher about this or whoever is in charge of setting the assignment. You don't need to go into detail, but you could say something like you have personal, direct experience of a traumatic nature and this assignment is in danger of making you very ill again. Suggest instead that you offer to write two assignments on the next mandatory book. I worked in various universities as a lecturer (in the UK) and this would have been perfectly acceptable to me and other staff had one of my students approached me in this way. Far more mature and far less subject to being found out for cheating than having someone else write the paper for you, kindly intentioned as the offer may be!!

 

[~Iceheart~]

@somuchpain
Thank you for the offer, but I know that this is something I must tackle myself. I appreciate your kind effort!

@Echo
I may be able to do this. My only issue is that I must fly under the radar of my parents. They do not know that I am dealing with 'trauma', or that what happened is affecting me. One wrong move, and I could be sent back. I do not think my teacher would allow that, especially since it is this semester's main essay. I can try though. Thank you for the suggestion! Even if I am very vague, a teacher may have to report it to the school counseling, etc. Even though the school counselors are well aware of what happened, they are also a very big trigger. I just don't know how much I can say, and how to make sure that it doesn't sound as if I'm just trying to get out of writing. (Something normally love)

Someone I know brought up a good point, that I could try to write as much as I can in an effort to overcome the fear of the trauma. Personally, I don't think it's possible, not yet at least. But since I am home for a sick day today, I might as well try something before I have the chance to talk to my teacher. Thank you so much for the advice!

 

[somuchpain]

I apologize for the offer. It was out of line. If I hadn't been so tired and under a lot of stress at the time I would have known better.

 

[Tolkienian]

That's rough. Are there any other books you've read this quarter of similar importance? If you approached your teacher with another book that you could write about, showing that you can fulfill the purpose of the assignment, they might be more inclined to let you write a different essay.