Triggered..........

[OKRADLAK]

I hate to leave a stream of conscious commentary on my life and feelings. Up and down and up and down.

I talked to a family member today who said I could stay with them when I was done treatment here. Now they are saying I can't go there. They also used a term one of my abusers used on me, just to digit in!!!!

I was like OMG!!!! So they hung up and my head feels very dizzy. It was like a flashback .......not a real one, but the emotions were there, like there I am. I can't get out of it. It's like a fog that has gotten all around me like a blanket. I can smell my abuser and hear the voice of that scum.

I know that we are hard to deal with. But good god. How can I feel sorry for someone who has NOT sufferered much at and is so annoyed because I have???

WHy are people annoyed by our suffering?

Why is there so little compassion?

Why do human beings have to lord it over weaker human beings?

He will be old one day, and fragile, too. ANd then I will not be cruel. I will be kind to him because he is my family.

So today is set to be a bad day. ANd I have two days left of hellish work before I can quit.

I am hoping for a kind hand somewhere today. But doubt it will happen. For now, you guys are my support and darn good ones at that.

I am sorry I am so up and down. But at least I am not all down like I was two months ago. Now I am up sometime!!!:)

 

[James B.]

WHy are people annoyed by our suffering?

perhaps people are somewhat frightened by the (behavioral) realities that result in our suffering...and so on?

I am hoping for a kind hand somewhere today.

Big green smile: :D (best i can do) Hope you feel better soon.

 

[missd84]

I hope you feel better soon. Celebrate the progress you have made. Take care and keep venting here if you need to.

 

[The Albatross]

(((Hugs for you))) I am glad that even with this unexpected turn of events... you are having some up times and are steadily improving. If that person knowingly used a term that one of your abusers used ... then they weren't a safe person. Better for you to find out now, than to be staying there and find out then. If it was a coincidence, then it's identified a sensitive area you can work through. Miss you here... be brave and do what you need to do. I wish I had some insights to share... but the truth is I'm operating on fatigue and like one brain cell today. Hang tough Okadlak

 

[CraftyCath]

WHy are people annoyed by our suffering?

People reject what they do not understand. They fear that they might 'catch' it, or that they will not have enough strength to deal with it. When I asked my T this he told me that what I have been through seems pretty normal to me but is HUGE to others and they are just plain scared. that's why we need each other, people who really do understand.

Why do human beings have to lord it over weaker human beings?

POWER. People who feel insecure/weak/frightened often have an inert need to make others think they are secure/strong/fearless. For most of us it comes out in little behaviours - snapping at someone, showing off, attention seeking. When it's taken to the extreme it becomes bullying etc, until with some it reaches the point of mental degradation and they just become power tripping psychos.

There is no excuse for these people, they can choose not to be like this.

I truly am sorry for your family's response to your need. Whenever I try to talk to my family they go very quiet or try to change the subject, They are just too uncomfortable with it.

I hope you feel stronger soon.

 

[Nighthawk]

Hold on tight if you need to find those things that do you good. I hope you feel better soon.