FindingMyself88
Platinum Member
I really just want to lock myself in my room right now, curl up in a ball and love on Bristol for the rest of the day. But I cannot do so.
I woke up at 7:30 am to take Bristol outside to potty. I take her to the little grassy field at the back of my apartment complex. While I was waiting on Bristol to do her business, I see a couple near by and you can clearly tell the are fighting. I try to turn away from them and focus on Bristol, but their voices carry and yelling is a HUGE trigger for me. I immediately start shaking and feel the panic attack coming on. I drop to my knees in the grass and call Bristol to my side. There was no time to use any coping skills, so I just bury my head into Bristol's shoulder while she licks my neck and try to tell myself I am safe. I cover my ears until I have calmed down somewhat and manage to get in the car and come back to the apartment.
About an hour or so later I get a knock at the door saying that we need to move our vehicles because they are cutting down the tree limbs. My mom was not awake so I had to move mine and hers. After moving hers, I am getting out of the vehicle and getting prepared to go back inside. One of the workers calls out to me "Want to come help us work?" with a sly grin on his face. He just happened to have a similar build to my cousin whom the health issues are going on with (see my last post) and who we are targeting traumas for EMDR that revolved around what he did to me. I take off running down the steps, almost fall but catch myself. I could hear him laughing.. not cool.
In 3 hours I have to take Bristol for a temperament test and intro to doggy day care. I decided it would probably help her to have a good walk and would help me too. So I leash her up and we set out to walk around our neighborhood. It is a safe place with rarely any other dogs out. The walk is going fine. We pass by the school and she sees a couple of kids, I treat her and we walk on. Then we walk past this guy working on his car in his yard. I notice, but keep walking. About 10 feet from his yard, Bristol's dog treat bag that is attached to my side falls off. I don't feel it, just hear it hit the ground. I jumped and spun so quickly, thinking it was the guy following us. I immediately break down into tears, sit on the curb and hug Bristol again. However then I get sick from the anxiety and throw up :(.
Slowly we make our way home by turning and going a longer route so I didn't have to pass the guy again. More from embarrassment than anything. I get home and try to take a cold shower and it helped some. Bristol refused to stay in my room and so she ended up in the bathroom with me. Now I am back in my room and dreading the rest of the day. I need to take her to the doggy day care and I know it will be good for her. Thankfully my mom is going. She isn't always a help, but at least she can drive and if I have a melt down, she can stay in there with Bristol while they test her.
Afterwards I plan on coming home and doing absolutely nothing :(.
I woke up at 7:30 am to take Bristol outside to potty. I take her to the little grassy field at the back of my apartment complex. While I was waiting on Bristol to do her business, I see a couple near by and you can clearly tell the are fighting. I try to turn away from them and focus on Bristol, but their voices carry and yelling is a HUGE trigger for me. I immediately start shaking and feel the panic attack coming on. I drop to my knees in the grass and call Bristol to my side. There was no time to use any coping skills, so I just bury my head into Bristol's shoulder while she licks my neck and try to tell myself I am safe. I cover my ears until I have calmed down somewhat and manage to get in the car and come back to the apartment.
About an hour or so later I get a knock at the door saying that we need to move our vehicles because they are cutting down the tree limbs. My mom was not awake so I had to move mine and hers. After moving hers, I am getting out of the vehicle and getting prepared to go back inside. One of the workers calls out to me "Want to come help us work?" with a sly grin on his face. He just happened to have a similar build to my cousin whom the health issues are going on with (see my last post) and who we are targeting traumas for EMDR that revolved around what he did to me. I take off running down the steps, almost fall but catch myself. I could hear him laughing.. not cool.
In 3 hours I have to take Bristol for a temperament test and intro to doggy day care. I decided it would probably help her to have a good walk and would help me too. So I leash her up and we set out to walk around our neighborhood. It is a safe place with rarely any other dogs out. The walk is going fine. We pass by the school and she sees a couple of kids, I treat her and we walk on. Then we walk past this guy working on his car in his yard. I notice, but keep walking. About 10 feet from his yard, Bristol's dog treat bag that is attached to my side falls off. I don't feel it, just hear it hit the ground. I jumped and spun so quickly, thinking it was the guy following us. I immediately break down into tears, sit on the curb and hug Bristol again. However then I get sick from the anxiety and throw up :(.
Slowly we make our way home by turning and going a longer route so I didn't have to pass the guy again. More from embarrassment than anything. I get home and try to take a cold shower and it helped some. Bristol refused to stay in my room and so she ended up in the bathroom with me. Now I am back in my room and dreading the rest of the day. I need to take her to the doggy day care and I know it will be good for her. Thankfully my mom is going. She isn't always a help, but at least she can drive and if I have a melt down, she can stay in there with Bristol while they test her.
Afterwards I plan on coming home and doing absolutely nothing :(.
