Troubles After Therapy

[kris]

After going to my last therapy session I have been struggling some with thoughts of hurting/killing myself, I don't want to but like for instances when I am driving my car I think about pulling out in front of somebody in the hopes that I would be killed or atleast hurt. I don't want to but out of nowhere these thoughts pop into my head.

I also find myself having the urge to tell family about the abuse I have suffered, which I plan to never ever tell, because the abuse involved my brother who is now deceased forcing me to have sex with him and other bad stuff for over 6 years. Why would I be having these thought, both of them I don't really want to hurt myself and I do not ever want to tell my family about the abuse but the thoughts are there. It is freaking me out becasue I do not want to do ANY of these acts.

 

[heather q]

Kris, I can understand what you're talking about, I often want to be somewhere where I could accidentally get killed, I don't really want it to happen, I certainly don't want to be hurt, but it goes through my mind. I have also had a regret that I missed an easy opportunity, I told my T about that and he said that it was clear that I don't want to kill myself, that I don't want to is one thing, but these driving thoughts are distressing, sometimes I get it a lot and other times not, I haven't figured anything else about it yet, only to not act on it, can't necessarily say why not either, except that I want to go out in a better state of mind, just in case it matters!

Heather

 

[Deleted member 541]

You have been stuffing feelings, memories, and emotions about the abuse for years, and now you are in therapy talking about it. Things are coming to the surface, it's raw, you are re-living it all over again. Emotions and feelings that you have probably never felt before are awakening. You will be a lot sicker for a time being, but if you stick with therapy, it can get better......

Suicide ideation is a huge component of PTSD. The pain of remembering, dealing with this crap can be overwhelming, and our minds just want it to stop, so we think of the one thing that can stop it. Suicide. If you feel that you are no longer safe, please tell your therapist, or go to your local hospital.