Trust anxiety about guests and emergency state rules...

[SeekingAfrica]

So I've had a new roommate since 8th of this month. I was just adapting to that and the 'state of emergency' started here from 16th. Today my roommate was visited by her brother(not clear if he's actual brother- here this might mean cousin or something too), and he missed curfew time for getting home. There was police on the door of the building and they didn't let him go home. And now he can't leave until tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I've only met him 5min ago and I have just gotten used to my new roommate, and I have really bad PTSD and history with sexual assault and more. So unknown people sleeping in my apartment always freak me out. Like the first few days of living with my new roommate, who is female, I was still on edge just in general cause it takes me time trusting random ppl. And now this random person is staying in my apartment and it doesn't exactly put confidence in me. Was planning to watch ballet now and I'm feeling all kinds of anxious about sleeping tonight. Like wanting to watch TV series that feel familiar and comforting, stay up all night- or at least few hours later than usual and then sleep tomorrow when I'm more on my own and all that...

I know it's irrational anxiety probably, but nevertheless this is what it is. Nevermind though, we are in an extreme situation, he can't physically go anywhere right now as there is police stopping him. Ideally, I would have liked meeting whoever is sleeping over here for at least a bit before staying over, but oh well, such is life. I know this is overreacting, and it will be fine, I'm just on edge right now, kind of came out of no where and everything is out of no where lately so small things are too much.

 

[Ronin]

It's not irrational at all.
Nor is wanting to be introduced and not in tense conditions an excessive demand.

Your roommate isn't being twice considerate roommate even if no trust issues were involved... just because the decent thing to do is make sure all co-habitants are comfortable, their daily routines uninterrupted by the visit, and the visitor still feels welcome - and won't pose an issue to the regular company.

Can I ask how is everyone reacting to the police presence / is everyone calm & peaceful & following what they're told?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@Ronin Thanks! Hearing that helps. Well, it's not like I can veto him being here. On one hand, I get it, he has to stay. On the other, she knows there is a curfew, so she should have planned better. I chatted with my landlord about it and she said tell her to plan better in the future, and that she can call her and talk to her as well, not to worry. So I'm trying to not worry. This roommate, she can be a bit...she takes things light, like I had to remind her to close to door properly and she would laugh and ask what am I afraid of- to which I told her it's just common sense to be careful if you don't want your stuff stolen or whatever. So I feel like if I tell her to be more considerate in who she brings and when she'll be like, why... So not looking forward to that conversation.
Also she likes a type of music I really don't like and also vaguely sets me off in thinking about the past, and now that she has guest to entertain...I don't know. I want to be the cool roommate that just rolls with it, but I am so NOT that right now, like, this is not good for me. Still, staying in my room keeping busy, waiting for this to pass.

Anyway, as far as reaction to the current situation... I think at first people didn't take this seriously enough and would still make big weddings and parties etc. which is why we got to a point where curfew and less transport were enforced in hopes of that making people stay more at home. So... I don't know. People here are outgoing, social, and telling them they can't do that is not going over very well. But now with the curfew, I think the situation is finally sinking in and people are starting to realize that things can't go on the way they have been. Streets are emptier, people are on edge and avoiding each other. There is lots of kind people helping and others who still need to realize what is going on. There are hotlines for mental health, there are free classes and more. I HATE the restrictions, but at least we are not really getting as bad as some other countries in Europe, numbers are increasing, but not as fast as in many places. The situation is surreal. How is it over there?

 

[Ronin]

You aren't the crazy psycho roommate for being responsible, Afri :)

You are just sensible.
She needs to be more considerate, even if not her temperament & ill will.

And as to here up... I noticed mostly very orderly & helpful people so far, and news I have of anyone also not reporting anything major. Personally not bothered / people I deal with regularly are messes, this? Is just people new to new precautions ;) So not too worried.

But I understand things are very different feelings on civilians with an anxiety disorder, and not being in your home country is a different axis of hardships too. ;)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Well, as I've mentioned in the news thread, I am less worried about virus, than about the effect of all this border closing, and cafes, schools, stores not working in terms on economy. For people who's trade depends on other countries, or on day to day income, of what prolonged situation of this kind may cost. Namely, a lot of lost jobs and people not being able to manage, which is already starting to occur a bit. If this situation goes on for 3 months, it can be really bad for the economy. And me as well, probably. Some people say it won't, some people think it definitely will, which also seems to be backed up by the fact that this started in China and is now only slowing down over there( and started in December). Just from the current restrictions, I'm fairly sure it will be at least a month. But the worst part is not knowing, I think.

Anyway. I guess it will be what it will be. But I've not known how drastic these restrictions can feel. It's affecting daily life, all the time. It's scary because we don't know how long we'll live like this. Trying to make the best of it, most of the time.

This roommate thing will end up okay, I'm sure... But my PTSD began with being in another country, and with someone living in the same house as me, so... I kind of... I'm fine and then I'm not, like, I feel I'm sliding a bit, dissociating a bit, like I just can't be in this situation and my brain is pushing against it and all my logic and ability to concentrate are scrambling around this worry like it's a blaring alarm demanding my attention. Like I'm trying to do things, and I need to make breaks to breathe deeply and center myself, all the time. It feels a bit like you feel like you're going to faint and you're trying not to. Like I feel my thoughts sliding into dissociating and trying to keep it together....

 

[somerandomguy]

Do you have a lock on your door? If not, could your landlord install one?

 

[Ronin]

Economy stressors aside for a bit (since economy effects worries are real stressors, but I can't help with those, but I maybe can with other stressors)

... is there anything you have done in that original trauma time that helped?

Usually when my brain is about to yank me to some trauma... and can't be persuaded otherwise / distracted with anything present or coping skills acquired since... fighting it is futile.

I do what helped me get through *then.*

Listen to old music I since left behind, look at pics of people of then if they exist, eat food I ate then, do my hair to then-style or close, paint my nails even tho it wasn't a thing for years, sleep in position & hours I slept then...

And wait it out.
Because sooner or later brain will factor in current time.
Instead of *insist* now *is* then.

If not having the time?
I go for which effects me in emotions most.

There, there. Hit myself in the feels.
Now about reroute, heart.
It's another time.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Will comment tmrw cause I can't now... but in the meantime: good advice I think, will try:).

 

[Ronin]

Sure thing and as peaceful night to you as can be, friend. :) :hug: