Trust In Therapy Situation - Advice Needed

[Meadowsweet]

I understand that you have no choice over your working hours, and how important work is to you. I'm only trying to clarify about the two sessions that you can make in four weeks - are they always on the same day at the same time? Maybe they're not, and that might be out of your control too. I'm not questioning the situation, only trying to clarify what it is.

If I can reassure you, I really don't feel you are challenging me on this at all - I'm not feeling that kind of reaction to you. I'm appreciating you discussing this with me. Though I am feeling like my therapist wants me to do something, as she asked me to think about what can be done too, and I'm stressed that I can't do anything about this. So yes, lots of things going round my head - I didn't mean for it to come out as if directed at you though. Sorry.

The two sessions I can make are at the same time, on the same day of the week. The number of sessions aren't limited (or they're limited to 2 years, but I hope it won't take me that long).

That's very individual but could be a walk in nature, family time, going swimming, going to church, a weekly class. If you can't have therapy or a therapy check-in every week, I think it's good to have something supportive in place instead.

Yes, I do things to support myself and to relax. I go swimming, and have just started volunteering at an animal rescue centre. Though therapy is the only person to person support that I have.

I think I do need to talk to my therapist about how I feel. It might be that she comes up with some solution too. I'll have to wait and see.

My trust issues are spiking quite badly at the moment.

 

[Meadowsweet]

We are normally taught to hide our real distress through smiles and other incongruent expressions because of minimisation, rejection and worse responses to our emotions as children. Part of being able to express the painful emotions and therefore process them involves feeling them and laughter and such stops that from happening. It is also a way to stop ourselves from feeling the feelings.

Yes, I think this is perhaps part of my problem. I'm looking for some guidence of how to do this new thing right and how not to go wrong. I doubt very much that my therapist is thinking 'oh look at her doing therapy wrong', but that's my distorted view made worse because I'm looking to try and see what she thinks of me.

This is a known issue for me, it's why I don't have any friends. I'm so afraid of people turning against me, or being treated badly if I do something wrong etc.

I watched the fitz perl thing. My reaction was to laugh, because it is very uncomfortable. All my issues coming out now.

 

[Abstract]

It's awful to watch isn't it?!

 

[Rumors]

I just wanted to say, Meadowsweet, I can relate to your story. I wish I had advice, however all I can say is keep the faith. I trust my T, but I don't trust myself. Drugging up ugly is never easy and feels inappropriate.

Best wishes!

 

[Meadowsweet]

Abstract you have given helpful advice.

 

[Footie freak]

Meadowsweet,

I can fully sympathise with you here. I am in therapy for PTSD. I suffered with similar thoughts that you have described with your therapist - I wanted to talk all about the trauma, but found it exceptionally hard to raise the subject let alone go into detail, but she was very good and allowed me to avoid it for a while. She then took control, and worked to a plan of getting me to talk about it, almost without realising. My therapist is a trauma and emdr specialist so I know I am seeing the right person.

I would strongly suggest to write down what you feel and your thoughts, and discuss them with her. She may have a specific structure that you are not aware of. Do what is right for you and your family. If your not happy after the discussion, look for another therapist...... But don't give up on getting help.

 

[Hashi]

Meadowsweet, I honestly feel that you have the wisdom here. I'm really hoping that your therapist will be willing and able to work with you through the therapy issues, trauma issues and life issues. We're here for you through the ups and downs of that.

Sending you lots of support and good wishes.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

This problem is probably why I haven't gone back to my therapist often even though I am very fond of her. I actually fooled her... fixated so heavily on the intellectual prospect of understanding authenticity and my failures to connect with people. Or maybe she is just so good at what she does that she KNEW I had gone as far as I could go without cracking the first layer of my own separation from my emotional self.

My advice to you is for both of you to read the Gifts of Imperfection. This specific issue is a huge challenge for more complex PTSD. We can't make that connection, to enter the vulnerable state needed to succeed in the therapy. So how can we build any trust if we can't break through that?

I am going back tomorrow since I've realized in true fashion the same things I've always done cannot possibly solve the same problems the behaviors created... an observation I have written before but never perceived in full scope the emotional truth of the statement.

 

[Meadowsweet]

the same things I've always done cannot possibly solve the same problems the behaviors created.

That is something worth me remembering. Thanks

 

[Meadowsweet]

Just wanted to come back to this thread and say thank you for helping me find the confidence to talk to my therapist about how I feel about therapy.

I feel that a bit of a barrier has come down.

In terms of therapy time, she said that it may be possible to have another therapist on a different day. But, I spend all my spare time working through what has come up in therapy and trying to deal with delayed emotions, so she also suggested that the longer break between sessions might be beneficial to give me time to work things through and to calm myself/stabilise between sessions.

She asked me if I felt proud that I'd managed to tell her about my fears of being rejected if I don't do therapy 'right', and I am abit. But also thankful, because I'm not sure I could have spoken about it without being able to check in here first.

 

[Abstract]

Well done. It takes a lot of courage.

There is usually very good reason why we are loath to discuss our fears or feel that they have no legitimate place. And good reason to fear criticism and rejection for doing things "wrong".

It's wonderful to start realising that being treated in those ways was not right or normal and that we can speak up and find out what someone is really thinking. That's why I think it is so helpful to have someone tell us it is OK to do. Often we have never had that encouragement in the past.

If you have the skills to manage your safety between sessions then I don't see any problem with the gap. I know someone who chose to do it that way for the exact reasons you mention.

Its also good to know that you can see someone else if you find you need to.

Its good to hear you are proud. You deserve to be. .