Trust Too Easily

[MissMacD]

I found out a few years ago that a girl that I lived in foster care with lives down the street from me. She has two kids now and a scary substance abuse problem that is brushed under the rug. When we hang out she always wants to drink so I don't hang out with her much anymore because she is a bad influence.

If that friendship happened in a different way: say we met to take yoga classes or go hiking I would spend more time with her.

I'd like to start going back to improv classes. I found the people there to be much more accepting because in improv anything goes.

Where I meet my friends and their function in my life is the determining factor of whether or not I want to have them around for the long term.

 

[saffy]

We feed off of each others energy in good ways.

That is such a positive saying. I have certainly learnt to feel good and bad energy depending who it is. I think this is because I am learning to trust my instincts.

I need to listen to my gut instincts.

I have started to do this much more now. I doubted myself so much before I just thought I was being paranoid or something. Every time I ended up being right all along. So now I listen to myself and base my thinking on my new boundaries and understanding of myself and my my feelings. I do not question them any more either. Things definately do seem clearer when recognising people I cannot totally trust. :)

She has two kids now and a scary substance abuse problem that is brushed under the rug.

Wow, sounds like she needs some help herself! Does she recognise she has a problem? I have heard a lot of kids in care can have PTSD. Which is awful when they are supposed to be protected and secure.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Tanishq]

Where I meet my friends and their function in my life is the determining factor of whether or not I want to have them around for the long term.

Hi MissMacD,

I did meet this bad kinds of people. But strangely their bad influence was nullified. :confused: I always found my parents abusive influence very bad and affecting on my life. Why so?

 

[MissMacD]

I spent 6 years on and off bouncing through the foster care system. And yes lots of kids in the system come out with serious damage - most of the kids I lived with have heavy substance abuse issues and are in and out of jail with children who are in foster care just like they were.

When you get moved as much as I did you would be friends with just about anyone. Moving especially in teenage years is tough because kids at school are mean and do not accept new kids into their groups easily. I was definitely an outcast in high school and never felt like I belonged with any of the kids I hung out with. I was just there and I let them use me because I needed people to be my friend even if the friendship was fake.

The only great friends I have had in my life have been people temporarily passing through which is where I learned to have healthier friendships. They either moved away suddenly, were temporarily in the same space as me for a short period of time or I moved away suddenly.

 

[DharmaGirl]

This is a great thread! I do not trust easily anymore. I did up until 2 years ago, and I would wonder why people walked all over me and used me. I am trying at relationships but the trust comes slower now. If you read any of my posts you will see that I trust, then don't trust, my T on a weekly basis, lol. I think trusting new folks slowly is better for me. I don't know. I don't know how to have a relationship.

 

[MissMacD]

It's hard to have good relationships when the examples that have been set for us have been far from good.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My moms motto was never trust your neighbors it only leads to troubles. My family did not have stability at all. They had drinking buddies. I rarely brought friends over to my house. I was too busy surviving to learn the social skills I needed, and I was raised to be the perfect victim. Thus my problems with making friends. I am starting all over again. I have two friends that I just recently met, and I am taking my time getting to know them. They are really nice to me. They have good boundries. I have a sponser that I have known for over a year.

 

[Britt.f7]

I don't like chronic liars either. They lie every time.

They lie about the stupidest things. Like one time he lied about whether he picked up shampoo for me or not. How did he expect me to believe the big things? Just crazy.

Britt, you seem to put genuine care and trust in friendship. It's nice to know you.

Thank you! That is very, very kind of you to say. It is very nice getting to know you too. I like your insights into things. :)

 

[Tanishq]

most of the kids I lived with have heavy substance abuse issues and are in and out of jail with children who are in foster care just like they were.

:eek: Jail?

I was definitely an outcast in high school and never felt like I belonged with any of the kids I hung out with. I was just there and I let them use me because I needed people to be my friend even if the friendship was fake.

I have felt the former part. But never could hang in with them. I have done the later part.

MissMacD, I think you can have steady friendships. You can. I am having right now.

 

[Tanishq]

I would wonder why people walked all over me and used me. I am trying at relationships but the trust comes slower now.

It's meaningless to walk over someone else. It means you don't have good character within you and you're cheating with yourself. You're not being contented there. I can never walk over someone else.

Trusting slowly is the best thing because when it is due you will feel relationship has grown so much and it is very strong that no power can break it. Most people go to build trust quickly, but they don't know it can't get any stronger. You have to always work on that. You are on right tracker M1977. :tup:

You'll have relationship with a man of your life. :)

 

[Tanishq]

They are really nice to me. They have good boundries.

gizmo big hug:hug: I like hearing your progress and I am happy with it. You are going upwards and onwards. :)

 

[Tanishq]

They lie about the stupidest things. Like one time he lied about whether he picked up shampoo for me or not. How did he expect me to believe the big things? Just crazy.

Compulsive liar lives their life on lie bases. They can't remember, so lying becomes their habit. Sometimes that can be very annoying and take out all your energies.

My family members does speak a lot of lies over small things. I laugh on them because they think I believe in their lies. :laugh: They think they can make me stupid with their lies, but they don't know they are busy fooling themselves. This the thing which has pushed me away from them. it's better for me. I don't want to get involved in their false dreamy lying life. Who knows, how many lies they have spoken and what is truth?

Britt, this community has been helpful to me. :)