Trusting One Authoritative Gender Over The Other?!

[silkleaves]

I have a hard time trusting women..but even worse if she is black. Jamaican men..forget it. I know these have to do with my childhood though and what I grew up with. I just pretty much avoid anyone who reminds me of that...but for sure, in any situation where a black woman is my boss or the person I have to answer to in any way..or heck, even to work with...it always ends up very badly, because I do not like her telling me what to do. Something as simple as "I need an update by the end of the day" and I will lose it.

I would rather deal with men...even with all I've been through. But it seems to be specifically Jamaican men that will set me off, I will get physically anxious over it. So yeah, I'm more comfortable with being able to work for men, and see men as someone in authority, but its specific to the culture, all because of my experiences in early life. Though the two times I was assaulted in adult-hood was by white men, that hasn't seemed to make a difference, I still only take issue with Jamaican men.

It's stupid and embarrassing to even say...my family is Jamaican, I myself am a black woman. Its stupid...but I just set off and I'd rather avoid that feeling than put myself in situations where I'm going to make a fool of myself.

 

[xena21]

I don't think it carries thru to beyond the immediate abusers but maybe I'm being short sighted. I have a real hard time with men because it was my Grandfather and male cousin that abused me, but my Grandmother used to send me into my Grandfather. So I hold her just as responsible.

I am more vigilant with men maybe because I am a female and need to feel secure that I can take care of myself. I have no fear with women, though I try to put up a front with men. I guess that makes it difficult if I ever want to get close to a man.

I can't say I hate all people. There is one person I trust, though that's it. Maybe in the future there will be more.