Trying To Calm Myself, But Struggling

[Taylor30313]

Hello

So I recently went back to school and I'm also working full time and it has been a difficult time for me. This one class in particular makes me feel nervous. To the point i don't want to go. I do the work, its easy stuff but the teacher.... I really can't quite explain all of it but she makes me nervous. Ill tell you what i do know though...

So the college Im going to just so happens to have a lot of young male veterans. Like in one of my other classes i sit next to a young man with a PTSD service dog. Well in the class that is making me anxious there are a couple young men who have been friends for ever and joined the military together and are now attending school together too and i think that is really sweet and honorable. Well last class, she was talking about hand signals used in other parts of the world and some kid started talking about things done in Afghanistan and the teacher was feeding into it and to most it probably was no big deal but I'm watching the two veterans behind them.. One of them instantly became physically anxious and the other looked at his friend, shook his head and walked out. And it really bothered me. Where as i cannot relate to what they went through over there and i would never say i do understand that, i do know what it's like to be triggered like that in public and to feel like you can't stand to be there and you just have to run. Just in the same that they probably can't relate to why i have PTSD, they can still understand what it's like having PTSD.. So that triggered feelings within me. And also she puts me on the spot a lot and i freeze up and it just raises my anxiety and i feel powerless when she does that because she is in a place of authority mixed with the pressure of being called on, I then get triggery because all of this makes me feel voiceless.

So i wrote this for two reasons. One is to kind of feel less alone and for encouraging words and two is if anyone has any discreet coping skills they'd suggest or any other suggestions on talking to a teacher about this. Also please be kind. This all might seem stupid to you but it's real to me. Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This isn't stupid in the least!

I do what those guys do....if I need a time out, I take a time out.

I also have problems with being put on the spot. I don't know how to deal with that very well yet. My instructors know I have bad anxiety and try to accommodate me. Do your instructors know about your struggles?

 

[Taylor30313]

Thank you lol.

No. And I'm trying to get a letter from my therapist currently so that the disability resources can help me. Which i think will really make a difference.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Taylor30313 I have a few coping strategies and will PM them to you now.

Laurie

 

[Em C.]

Discreet coping skills: reading through old notes/ doodling/ posting on here.

Personally although its a pain I just take teachers aside and be pretty upfront that it isnt their fault but that what they say can have ripple effects. Or get academic counselling to talk to them

 

[Powder]

I think this is why many college girls have manicured nails. It gives you something to distract yourself with while looking at your hands instead of fully feeling the emotions of the room, yes, a discrete distraction. I used to take a lot of notes, more than necessary, to channel all stimuli though the brain and bypass it from going straight to my heart.

Another one, for an instructor who calls you out, is to talk to her before or after class, by showing up early or staying after if you don't have to rush off, and it's seeming like a good time to touch base. Rather than let her trigger you, you can get to know her slightly and build a socio-emotional "callus."

Also, it's not you. This is a normal thing. I don't know that you can go through college and avoid having that one horrible class that for no apparent reason just rubs someone the wrong way, so to speak. You'll search for what the trigger is, but it's internal, so it's sometimes impossible to pinpoint. No need to search endlessly for the trigger. Won't help as much as learning to work through the class, ways to make it endurable and reward yourself for getting through it each day, or week, with a treat of some kind for getting through the week. :)

I think working that much and taking classes might be a workaholic "flight" response that just keeps you tired and triggered.

Hope something here helps, but most of all, it's great you are doing college. That's worth celebrating!