Relationship Trying To Inform Myself, But Becoming Confused...

[Jenny123]

I know that what I am wondering has been covered many times as I have read though so many of these posts. But I am having trouble coming to some kind of answer to my question because it seems 1/2 the people seem to go one way, and the other 1/2 say the opposite.

I am experiencing the sudden isolation that I have been reading about. I was very confused to what was happening, and am so glad I have come across this site. Some of what I have read from others could almost be posts that I have written myself.

I guess what I am wondering is that really is the proper way to deal with someone who says they are deeply depressed and says they need space to work on themselves? He said it wasn't fair to string me along since he didn't know what is going on and how long it will go on. I am respecting the fact that he needs space and have not contacted him. I keep reading that if this is what they ask for, than to respect their wishes and it is what they truly need. On the other hand, I keep coming across posts from PTSD sufferers who say that when someone reaches out at times, or just calls every once in a while, it means a lot to them. I guess I am just worried that I am coming across as looking uncaring, or that I have been scared off by what is going on, which is not the case. I will not rush into anything until I educate myself more, but I am not ready to give up so easily on someone who means so much. On the other hand, I have read the opposite and that not giving someone enough space, or backing off completely can have undesired results as well. Maybe he never will contact me again, maybe its not only the PTSD, but if it is the reasoning behind what is going on (he claims it is, and he sounds like so many others I have read about on this site), I want to know that I handled it in the best way and that I did what I could to try and see if this is something that can work.

Is it better to back off 100% completely, or let them know you are there. Every once in a while?

 

[Prettysmile]

Hi Jenny, I can totally relate to your confusion.
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I am respecting the fact that he needs space and have not contacted him. I keep reading that if this is what they ask for, than to respect their wishes and it is what they truly need. On the other hand, I keep coming across posts from PTSD sufferers who say that when someone reaches out at times, or just calls every once in a while, it means a lot to them.

I wondered this exact same thing . I came to my own conclusion. I dont know if its accurate or not but this is what I believe. In my opinion, I believe it depends on the individual. Not all suffers have the same exact reactions to their triggers. My ex boyfriend who I love deeply is a Marine veteren. He just ended his contract with the USMC in May of this year. He didnt noticed anything was wrong with him until two weeks of being in "normal civilian life". However, I believe he had PTSD long before he came out the military. When I refelect back on our two year relationship while he was still active duty. I recall the times when he would not call me for weeks at a time for no reason at all. When he was deployed in Afganastan, I emailed him twice in the first month he was over there and he didnt respond to either one. So I stop writing him emails assuming that maybe he isnt in a position to ever check his emails as he never sent me an email in the seven months he was gone. ( We had also broken up two months before he left to Afganastan. I assumed that was the reason as well)

When he returned home and we got back together, he randomly started going on about how disapointed and hurt he was that I only emailed him twice the entire time he was gone. He said he received hundreds of emails from everyone else but none from me. And that everytime he got a chance to check his email that he would hope he gotten one from me. When I asked him, why didnt he email me? He said he didnt email anyone back and he was in a different state of mind.


My marine and I been broken up for almost two months now as he feels I deserve better and he cant handle a relationship while he is getting treatment. When we broke up in early October, we remained friends. That only lasted two weeks until I had an emotional breakdown infront of him telling him how hurt and disapointed I am that things are this way. He made plans of him coming home and us getting married and starting a family. Now he is pushing me away. That triggered him really badly. That was October 23rd 2011. Til this day he has not contacted me . We've been through this before. I still text him every couple days and tell him how my day was and that I miss his company. I also email him funny emails and text him when ever he crosses my mind. But I keep the text short and sweet. So in my opinion, Yes I do think you should still reach out to your sufferer when they are in isolation. Just dont pressure them for a response. Just reach out and let them know you care and you're there whenever their ready. I reach out because I know my sufferer would appreciate that. Giving the way he reacted when I didnt email him while he was in Afganastan. I wasnt going to let that happen again.


Best of luck and stay strong Jenny.