Trying To Not Cry In Therapy

[Suzetig]

Some really good advice here but do remember that it's not compulsory to cry in therapy either - you may work through all your stuff and never shed a tear in therapy, it's ok if that's what works for you.

 

[falling_wave]

I would say start by telling the therapist that you want to share with him but you have a fear of becoming too emotional in session. That's not the main issue but it's definitely therapeutic material that can make it easier for you to open up when processed. I used to worry about crying in therapy but I did once and she was so supportive and it actually helped to let the stuff we were talking about go with tears. Now whenever I'm struggling and feel like crying in therapy I totally let myself and it's okay. More thoughts come when I'm crying. At home I don't pay attention to them but in therapy I am talking through tears. I am not just crying because my T is there so I am able to verbalize a lot that the tears bring up. I hope that helps make it easier.

 

[falling_wave]

Also if you are working not to cry I do have a few tips. I use them when I'm in public or at work more often and they tend to work.

Realize the thought that is triggering the tears and in your mind say stop firmly then think of something that is going well for you.

Hold your breath for a moment then take a few good deep breaths.

Loud music in headphones generally.

Take a big drink of cold water.

I don't know if this is the best suggestion but it works. I very subtly dig my fingernails into my arm or hands usually under a table or while I'm holding my hands together so one can see. I don't hurt myself in any way but the feeling of my nails pressing in stops the tears.

Make a certain place in the room or whatever that you can look to center you. It sounds weird but when I was a kid and being told not not to cry, not to laugh or whatever I made this thing where I look at my second button and it brings me out of whatever emotion based on repetition I guess. Very strange but try it and see if it works. You would have to associate whatever place you look at with not crying ahead of time.

 

[penia]

He said that if I wasn't comfortable, I didn't have to make another appointment which made me feel like he didn't want me to make another appointment.

He sort of sounds like he might be a jerk. He should be letting you know that anything you say or don't say is fine, without you even bringing the issue up. He shouldn't make you feel like you're doing anything wrong or trying his patience. If he doesn't make such things a continuous priority I don't think he's a good therapist.

 

[Finding Maeve]

I wouldn't cry in therapy for years with anyone for the very same reasons. It took a lot time and work, and finding the right therapist. But once I let go, that's when the real healing began. At least for me.

 

[Angel_090]

Thank you all so much for your input and advice. I'm not sure why I feel like I have to worry about my therapist's time or thoughts. And I know that therapy is a safe place but every time I think about bring open and vulnerable it makes me cringe. I went to see him today just to ask him what he thought I could do to be more open before our next session. He suggested I write on a journal some thoughts that I'd be willing to share.
It is frustrating to feel this way about therapy and him. This is where I'm suppose to go work on my issues but I can't even feel like I can show my emotions.
I'll take all the great advice you all have given me in consideration. I really appreciate it.

 

[Sandstone]

I think the idea of writing is advance is good - let us know how it works for you.

I've only cried once, with the T I liked best, and it left me feeling even more freakish afterwards when she commented that she'd never seen anyone compose themselves so quickly. But you say you do cry at home, so you are able to express those feelings. It's just a mater of where and with whom you express them

 

[GrowingJoy]

I hate crying in front of my T or anyone for that matter, even my husband. I hold myself back from crying so much and it doesn't help because my T takes this as a sign I don't want to talk. She told me that she doesn't want to drag me into a conversation that I don't want to have. The truth is, I do want to have the conversation and I do want to let go and cry. I don't know how to handle this and wish I could bring it up with her that I want to be pushed a little bit. I think that I am trying to hard to make her job easier. I get so terribly nervous and my hands and arms go numb when I start to have strong emotions and feel like I'm going to cry.

 

[Finding Maeve]

Bring it up. Just say it. It sounds like you are on the verge of a breakthrough, and that is the most important thing right now. She works for you. Period.

 

[Lucycat]

It was months of therapy before I had a session where I didn't cry. I cried buckets and that really made it hard to talk. But T was fine with it. He made me feel comfortable to cry in front of him and he said for him it is no big deal. Emotion needs an outlet and it is the years of holding it in that has led to this situation.

Don't be scared of crying. It is normal and healthy.

 

[Trace911]

My therapist doesn't mind tears at all, but I hate them. Makes me feel out of control. But after about 4-5 months with my therapist, I realized that I didn't need to hold on so tightly. I was in therapy to learn healthier habits and responses, and the tears were part of the work. As far as your therapist being annoyed or impatient, I think that we often make assumptions about what other ppl think, and we see it through our own warped context. Angel_090, in your opening comment of this thread, you suggested that you couldn't believe that it was worth anyone's time, or that they'd truly be interested. But you haven't even let him get to know you at all! I think he suggested not coming back because sometimes it takes a few tries for the patient to find some they can open up to. I'd suggest giving him a chance.
I'm not saying that this will work for you, but it worked well for me- introduce yourself on paper, in writing. Then take it to your appt and ask him to read it out loud. In the writing, tell him briefly why you are there, and what you hope to achieve. Then tell him what's holding you back, why you're afraid, what the worst thing is that your afraid to happen. While he reads it, just breathe. Whatever emotions that come up are totally healthy and not unexpected. That pile of knots and fears and pressure has to slowly be unravelled- you just haven't had time to discover that therapy is a safe place. It takes time, and courage, but we all believe in you!!

 

[-lemurlibs91-]

I've always found crying in therapy really hard. I only cry at night by myself as well, but it's become such a horrible idea to be seen crying that if I end up feeling like crying when in front of someone, it feels like a failure. It's taken well over a year for me to be able to cry in front of my T, and the one time when I did, it was because I was in a state where things were snowballing in general and every minute it was hard not to burst into tears....I literally cried for the whole hour, despite constantly composing myself and doing everything I could not to cry. My T just sat and let me do whatever I needed to do.
Their job isn't to get you to be a particular form of vulnerable and force emotion to come when it isn't naturally coming, nor is it to stop you crying (even by being like "it's all okay"), their job is to let you use the space how you need to. I think what others have said is really helpful: to write down some things in advance, especially things you find hard to say (for me it's expressing emotion, fears and talking about certain things); and to just take it slowly. Try not to get caught up in your idea of the therapist's thoughts and feelings - it's okay for therapy to be about you. In fact, that's exactly what its for. So it can work in a way that's tailored to you (to an extent!). Give it a go, and just be patient with yourself :)