Trying To Say Something

[Biz]

I've been in therapy for almost a year now. For the most part, it's been challenging and helpful. I like my therapist and she knows what she's doing. I have a lot of anxiety, some attachment issues from my alcoholic family, and trauma related to a past abusive relationship. I've done EMDR, talk therapy, meditation, and I see a bodyworker once a week which has been an amazing experience and really helped me in everything I do (therapy included). I know myself pretty well. I know my triggers, obsessions/compulsions, and since meditating more I also have a better sense of my body and internal talk. I have a tendency to obsess and, at times, will binge on triggers until I hit my limit. Usually, this ends with me dissociating, some type of physical discharge (crying, rarely vomiting), or I get the energy out with exercise.

About a month ago, it went a bit differently. I obsess about childhood stuff a lot, and I was doing imaginal exercises about my childhood home. I hit my limit. I had, what I'm guessing was a flashback but considering I haven't had one before, I'm hesitant to label it as such. A taste happened (sexual), I had a quick image, and the taste stayed for a while maybe a couple of minutes. It distressed me. I haven't had it happen before that and I haven't had it happen since. I want to tell my therapist, or my bodyworker because I trust her too, but I haven't. I keep putting it off, dismissing the experience, and I worry I won't be believed in part because this hasn't happened before or since. Plus, the longer it's been the more it feels like I don't have to bring it up (dismissive) and I should if only for my therapeutic relationship (anxious). It's also hard for me to experience the level of vulnerability of bringing things to therapy that I don't fully understand (being invalidated would be SUPER distressing, plus I place an absurd amount of value on my self reliance), and I don't understand what this image was or what it relates to.

Suggestions. And, I know the suggestion is "talk to your therapist about it" but please give me some idea of how. What's your personal experience with sharing something you've held back? What's a good intro? Honestly, is it worth it if it's a one time thing?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm, in the context of is it worth talking about if it's a one time thing...... Many of us have one time traumas. Do you think we should not talk about it because it was a one time thing? Of course you know the answer. Yes, bring it up to your therapist.

 

[greenleaf]

You can also write it down in a journal and show that to your therapist, if it's particularly hard to say for any of a number of reasons.

 

[Leigh925]

I think sending your therapist a copy of wrote here would be a great first step. It is a really good description of the event and your fears about them and even self acknowledgment of why you have some of those fears.

 

[falling_wave]

I thint yes you should bring it up in therapy. Sometimes one time things can be dismissed as such but it sounds like this is causing anxiety for you and connecting with other experiences or insights about yourself. Talking about it in therapy might lead you to work through not just that issue but a lot of connected things weather they be events or feelings.
As far as how to do this I can understand your fear. At this point I tell my therapist everything scary or not but this means that I do feel fear a lot in therapy. I also am sensitive to the reaction so I usually wait until she asks me some version of what has been on my mind and then I start with I feel really (insert feeling e.g. scared, stupid, ashamed) but there was this experience and it's been in my head a lot. Then I share other experiences where I have had the feeling. Sometimes I don't want to say what I fear she will react like so I tell her about a time I was scared of how someone would react and share all of my feelings about it. She can then take her intuition and recognize and be sensitive to that fear. You could also send an email or write down the thoughts you have been having and ask her to read a journal you have been keeping of your thoughts. I wish you luck

 

[Footie freak]

There is no easy way to say what you need to say. But, you have done it very well on this site, and you need to trust your therapist. It is very important you tell her, there may be a simple explanation or it may need further investigating. Either way being open and honest with her is the best way to process everything. Previous comments suggests showing this post or writing it down which I think is a very good idea as a starting point, it can then be discussed in more detail during the session. Good luck.