Relationship Trying to Stay Sane Alone

[HopefulD]

I'm also going through the same thing. Mine has shut me out since June. I'm so sad. I've been through this before but this time it's worse. He's a government contractor and won't get help because he'll lose his clearance and guns and job.

 

[joeylittle]

that would probably violate copyright. Dang. :/

It would - you can always put your friend's words into your own (paraphrase, rephrase), and that's fine.

 

[concernedboyfriend]

I feel for you Pippi. It hurts so much I know. I'm going to try writing a letter too, then I'm gonna do everything in my power to forget about them. It'll end up being a novel, and may make it worse, but we have to try don't we? I hope you find closure. I really do

 

[Pippi427]

I'm also going through the same thing. Mine has shut me out since June. I'm so sad. I've been through this before but this time it's worse. He's a government contractor and won't get help because he'll lose his clearance and guns and job.

Same here. He's a government worker and carries a gun. He was getting help before he started his job. I'm afraid he's regressed.

 

[HopefulD]

Same here. He's a government worker and carries a gun. He was getting help before he started his job. I'm afraid he's regressed.

I'm so sad. And yes I am so glad I was lead here. Just knowing I'm not alone is helping me. I'm so new to this site I can't figure out how to post. I see I can receive messages but unsure how to work that. It might be because I'm using this from my phone. Wish I could connect with you through the message. This is such a hard road to travel even after reading everything I can get my hands on non stop since June.

 

[Pippi427]

Here is a paraphrased version of the letter my friend, we'll call Sara wants to send: (Names have been changed).
[Background....Sara is an acquaintance of L as well through me. She is an Army wife with lots of experience dealing with a spouse with full blown PTSD.]

Dear L:
I hope the new job is going well. I'm sure it keeps you very busy. I saw your profile and I wanted to say hi and check in on you. Pippi has been worried to the point of exhaustion about you since you stopped talking to her. I advised her to be patient and understanding, because I know from experience PTSD often causes disassociation. She doesn't have the experience dealing with military veterans that I do and As a result, her anxiety is through the roof because she has no explanation for your silence.

Pippi is my best friend and she deserves an explanation from you. I'm sure it wasn't your intention to hurt her and she would probably kill me if she knew I was writing you but it's not fair to leave her questioning and doubting herself like this. It has it has ripple effects in her life. I understand you may have difficulty in communicating what you feel. And I know from experience with Brett It is more common than you think.

You need to consider what it does to the people who care about you when you shut down. Just like you hurt, so do they. The ones who care for and support you will go over every interaction with you, trying to figure out what they did wrong to make you disappear or why they are not good enough to bring you back. I know this, because I do the same thing when Brett shuts down. I ALWAYS assume it's my fault, even though my head knows better. Sadly, Pippi will always assume it is her.

At the very least you NEED to let people know you need some space and time. You have to give a specific amount of time you need. If you say 1 week, then on day 8 there must be some sort of communication, even if it's just a text that says "I'm alive."Pippi is one of the most understanding women you will ever meet. If you need time, she can understand that as long as you tell her. In all the years I have known her, I've never seen her mad at anyone for expressing their needs. I know her to be a supportive, caring person. Even now, she just wants to know you are ok. Honestly, I'd like to know you are alright too.

If you have read this far, thank you! I really am here to help. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

I hope things are better soon, Sara

 

[Pippi427]

I'm so sad. And yes I am so glad I was lead here. Just knowing I'm not alone is helping me. I'm so new to this site I can't figure out how to post. I see I can receive messages but unsure how to work that. It might be because I'm using this from my phone. Wish I could connect with you through the message. This is such a hard road to travel even after reading everything I can get my hands on non stop since June.

I can't figure out the messages either! Maybe someone can give us a link for help?
You are welcome to post on my wall: Pippi427

 

[Pippi427]

I'm so sad. And yes I am so glad I was lead here. Just knowing I'm not alone is helping me. I'm so new to this site I can't figure out how to post. I see I can receive messages but unsure how to work that. It might be because I'm using this from my phone. Wish I could connect with you through the message. This is such a hard road to travel even after reading everything I can get my hands on non stop since June.

I am sorry you are feeling sad, @DebP. I feel for you. I have had dreams almost every week about him. He never leaves my head.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Pippi427 , I am so sorry you are experiencing such pain. :( :hug:

Not sure if I should give an opinion? Just to say as correct as your friend's letter may be, I'd never send such content. Because a) wording such as 'you should' or 'you need to' rarely is well received , b) it's a relationship between the 2 of you, who are both unique, as is the relationship, and c) it has to be between the 2 of you, you both have to want (or be able) to reach out to each other.

But, it's JMHO. I'm sorry it's not gone as you have hoped. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

....reading that as it was coming from one of my loved ones, during a numbing period....

Thoughts: I don't care. (I am not feeling.)

Action: Delete.

I think that unless you know the feeling of "no feeling" aka "numb" it's impossible to understand this behavior. Scolding me or shaming me for hurting you? Isn't going to make me care, simply because I can't. I'm not choosing to not feel....it's automatic. Telling me I must check in? I don't care. What's the worst that could happen? You walk away? I'm not feeling, so I don't care.

This part of ptsd is fcking cruel. I'll be the first to admit it.

 

[Pippi427]

Thank you for your thoughts/reactions @EveHarrington and @Junebug

 

[Pippi427]

....reading that as it was coming from one of my loved ones, during a numbing period....

Thoughts: I don't care. (I am not feeling.)

Action: Delete.

I think that unless you know the feeling of "no feeling" aka "numb" it's impossible to understand this behavior. Scolding me or shaming me for hurting you? Isn't going to make me care, simply because I can't. I'm not choosing to not feel....it's automatic. Telling me I must check in? I don't care. What's the worst that could happen? You walk away? I'm not feeling, so I don't care.

This part of ptsd is fcking cruel. I'll be the first to admit it.

It sounds like no matter what I send it will not be received. What is it exactly that would bring you out of one of these numb phases? (I have more letters I've written to share) but want your perspective on what eventually brings you out?