Trying to Understand

[HopefulD]

@Grace1 - us sufferers can get pretty easily offended about this stuff. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt because you're really stuck between a rock and a hard place.

What makes sense to you, that he should be fighting his illness, may not have any meaning to him whatsoever. In his mind, by going to work every day, he is fighting it. It makes sense to me, too. By doing his job, by going home to whatever situation he has there, he's expending every ounce of energy he has. Whatever you want him to do on top of that is not going to happen, because he is literally already doing all he can do.

Absolutely correct :) Which is why I have more compassion and empathy for those struggling.

 

[Grace1]

Thank you, I think the problem for us is he does not communicate in that way to me at all. Maybe he is trying to spare my feelings.

 

[somerandomguy]

Most of us don't like to talk about it at all. Many of us think it makes us look weak ... which is why we might have extreme reactions to words like "cowardly."

 

[Grace1]

I totally understand, apologize I was not trying to be offensive in any way. I genuinely feel like a found a man that I love a part of me is so frustrated but a very big part of me feels like I could never walk away from him. I would not want someone to walk away from because I had a disease. I also feel like we were to never be more intimate then we are now with email and phone. I’m not sure if that’s enough for me.

 

[EveHarrington]

The best thing you can do is work on acceptance as you won’t ever fully understand. You may not see your stance as “fixing” behavior, but it is, as you want what you think is best for him, without knowing what’s really going on. We aren’t normal and our lives can be very outside of what is typical. This is by design as we know how to maintain stability. All the “help” you think he needs is a threat to this precarious stability. Think: joblessness, then homelessness, etc. Yes, it CAN be that bad. This is why he needs to get help on his terms, not yours.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Will he call or text while he is at home?

 

[Grace1]

Will he call or text while he is at home?

No he won’t

 

[Grace1]

The best thing you can do is work on acceptance as you won’t ever fully understand. You may not see your stance as “fixing” behavior, but it is, as you want what you think is best for him, without knowing what’s really going on. We aren’t normal and our lives can be very outside of what is typical. This is by design as we know how to maintain stability. All the “help” you think he needs is a threat to this precarious stability. Think: joblessness, then homelessness, etc. Yes, it CAN be that bad. This is why he needs to get help on his terms, not yours.

Thank you very much what your saying makes since. I have told him that I am more concerned with him being happy. I never want to do anything to stress him or cause him to be uncomfortable and I mean it he’s a great man.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Grace1 will he give you a home or cell number?

 

[Friday]

So I just want to be sure I understand this correctly...

You never see, talk to, or spend time with this guy outside of work? You don’t go on dates, have sex, share a life together?

What makes you think you’re dating, instead of friendly colleagues?

 

[Grace1]

So I just want to be sure I understand this correctly...

You never see, talk to, or spend time with this guy outside of work? You don’t go on dates, have sex, share a life together?

What makes you think you’re dating, instead of friendly colleagues?

I don’t think I used the word dating at all. We used to see each other everyday. I just took another job. We email everyday, he will call me during the day or I him but only at work. I think he feels overwhelmed a bit taking care of his Mum and a younger brother that his Dad kinda said on his death bed please take care of him. So that is his priority for now. It’s strange because when first met he called from his home - I think he had a few ? and we talked. He called a few times back to back and the very next day he apologized a dozen times and after that would never call me. I have asked how did he call me that one night and he can’t now and he says home is different. I don’t understand. I can call him and leave a message on him a voicemail at home and he will respond via email.

 

[EveHarrington]

This doesn’t scream alcoholic and not necessarily ptsd?