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Trying To Win The Battle

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Telling my therapist actually helps me. I usually get scheduled more check ins which is annoying but better than the alternative. Walking helps. Watching kids playing at a park. Walking a dog. Petting a pet. Seeing a funny movie. Volunteering somewhere so I'm focused on other people less fortunate, etc.
 
Gosh, wish I knew too. They are so cunning and plague me constantly since the assaults. I do notice mine worsen when triggered. Last Nov I was the worse ever and it took me a couple of months to realize it was because the man that broke into my house with a knife was house-sitting next door again. Why their deviance makes me want to die, I am not sure, but it does.

Sorry you are experiencing them, justmehere. Wish I could take yours away.
 
Stopping and taking my time to read my top ten favourite memories from childhood. These include my favourite meal (which I tend to end up cooking just for myself and sitting down with it and enjoying it whilst reading my scribbling about happy times I had enjoying this meal with my best friend from my childhood *for me he was my father as well as my best mate*)

Also reading my mantra "No longer a sufferer shall I be, I survived PTSD" (I carry it on the scrap of paper my T wrote it on in my first session)

AND Letting my imagination run wild with trusted friends I have met on here, simply letting go of reality for a few minutes (sometimes HOURS) ;)
 
When my suicidal thoughts were constant, my therapist and I worked to help me figure out when they were "just thoughts" versus when there was intent and/or a plan attached. This was helpful because the person prescribing my meds was totally freaked out by the suicidal thoughts (my therapist recognized them as a sort of 'coping mechanism'). He then told me that it was possible I would always have them - which for some reason "clicked" with me and made me able to accept them as thoughts and I was able to let them drift along in my head without reacting to them. I was then able to see that they were reactions to triggers - even non-trauma-related triggers, like being overly tired or overwhelmed with work or the kids.

Recently (the past two months or so), I've been able to gently respond to them when they come up - I acknowledge them, let them know that I understand that things are overwhelming, and then telling them that "suicide is not an option". I can then ask myself what would help me feel better just for that moment (I think this is basically "distress tolerance").

It's taken a while to reach the point where I can quiet them down pretty quickly. I think by using the acceptance, self-talk and distress tolerance, I've been able to "shift" the way my brain works.
 
I will do one an exercise that I learned from a therapist:
  1. Externalize the voices, in front of a therapist or close friend, while I hit pillows.
  2. That leads to the ability to 'see' them for what they are: unhealthy messages my parents gave me..
  3. The final step: verbalize self-appreciative messages, and ask my friend or therapist to add to self-appreciative messages.
 
Thanks everyone for the really good advice.

It's been a rough week. I pulled through many triggers and I felt pretty good on Thursday. I received bad news on Friday and I'm in a really dark slump. I don't know how I can go from ok to fighting these thoughts so quickly. I am trying everything I know to do - and some new things.

The hardest thought is "there is no way to get away from this, I have to deal with this for the rest of my life" (I don't want to explain what "this" is right now) and it may be true, but it's not the end of the world, and yet here I am, so darkly despairing and trying to climb my way out.
 
For me? Sometimes exercise.

Certainly telling my therapist as he checks in on me and keeps tabs on where I am thought wise. Making it harder to get to my exit strategy. Mine is stupid simple and easily gotten to and not something I own.

Delaying it just another hour- and then another....

The last bad one I had I was actually able to identify WHY. It actually helped knowing why and I was able to talk myself back down a bit.

Telling folks here where I am in my ideation. I scare myself sometimes

Thinking about you @Justmehere.
 
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