Well, my biggest problem in telling thing in therapy is actually my dissociation. Either I'm too petrified because of the feeling and not feeling in control of my own self, or my mind freezes and I don't have memory or future only present. I feel completely disconnected with myself, whenever I say something I'm completely shocked that my own body actually said that, and I often will even hear my own voice when I talk. The best way to describe my what I see is that its like a tunnel, kind of dizzy, and like being in the center of a storm. I can only see or focus on one tiny point at a time, and I don't recognize it.
The other part is my mind feeling like its frozen. This is when the dissociation is milder (the worst being hearing myself) but it still obviously interferes with things. I feel like although I know I have those memories, I just can't recall any memories (like its physically impossible for me) and also about the future.. I just feel like all that exist is the exact second I'm standing in at that moment. It interferes most with when I try to say how I feel about something or try to analyze it, but somehow I still am able to verbally say details about memories, even though I don't feel like my mind could recall them.
Sorry because I know that my explanation doesn't make much sense, but its the best way I can explain it and I'm not good at describing feelings.
The last part that doesn't have much to do with interfering in therapy but is a problem nevertheless is the flashbacks. Mainly these days I just get these emotional flashbacks. Unfortunately they are making me avoid lots of things which might cause them. All of a sudden I'll feel like I'm back then in time. I feel afterwords like I've regressed or something, so I avoid that situation next time. This includes food now (which never happened before).
Anyway, this may not make much sense but I was hoping someone could relate to something I said even though it sounds so strange and out there.
The other part is my mind feeling like its frozen. This is when the dissociation is milder (the worst being hearing myself) but it still obviously interferes with things. I feel like although I know I have those memories, I just can't recall any memories (like its physically impossible for me) and also about the future.. I just feel like all that exist is the exact second I'm standing in at that moment. It interferes most with when I try to say how I feel about something or try to analyze it, but somehow I still am able to verbally say details about memories, even though I don't feel like my mind could recall them.
Sorry because I know that my explanation doesn't make much sense, but its the best way I can explain it and I'm not good at describing feelings.
The last part that doesn't have much to do with interfering in therapy but is a problem nevertheless is the flashbacks. Mainly these days I just get these emotional flashbacks. Unfortunately they are making me avoid lots of things which might cause them. All of a sudden I'll feel like I'm back then in time. I feel afterwords like I've regressed or something, so I avoid that situation next time. This includes food now (which never happened before).
Anyway, this may not make much sense but I was hoping someone could relate to something I said even though it sounds so strange and out there.
