Sufferer Umm.. Hi. Too Shy To Say Much Else

[missh2o]

Lol lol :) :) hi hi,

So I just prescribed on new medication and I started taking them this morning. I think I feel up to telling what's up with my life and stuff.


I've been abused for about 15-20 years from my mother. I tried to run away during high school, but they kept getting me back. One day, they didn't allow me to live with them anymore and I ended up living my ex-boyfriend from 2009 to 2012. Around 2010, I think, one of my brothers committed suicide by hanging himself. My parents lied about how he died. Btw, they're my adopted family. I'm the only adopted child and the oldest one out of four. The rest are boys. I always had to take care of myself and my younger brothers. I lived in a dorm now at a university. I contemplated suicide many times and even thought of killing my parents. It was that bad. It became worse during fall quarter. I was hospitalized because of it and it traumatized me even more. I've had bad side effects from the medicine that I was put on and this is the third time I'm being put on medicine. I haven't been doing well in school, but right now I feel very happy. It must be the medicine, lol. I feel like I can take on anything. Wow, I sound really stupid. I'm sure I'll regret typing this after the effects wear off, lol. I haven't said everything, but I think this is good for now.

 

[KP the nut]

Thank you for taking the step and saying more about yourself. It is scary to begin with but hopefully it will help you to heal.

 

[Rumors]

Hang in there missh2o. I hope you are able to continue talking and have a good support system in place to help you during tough times!!

 

[Raj]

Welcome!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[missh2o]

Thank you.

I'm getting a lot of help from my doctors and my school. My main concerns right now is that I'm financially unstable and that I have no home other home than my dorm. My dean suggested withdrawing from my classes so that I can focus on my other incompletes. Before I used to stress out and cry, but I think the medicine I'm on.. this is weird. I know I have a lot of stuff to do, but I don't feel as severely stressed as I used to. I'm not employed right now and I can't work due to my problems. It's weird, I don't feel worried right now. I just feel like listening to more music and dancing.

There is so much going on, it's overwhelming. Hopefully, I can get through this. I'm doing my best to hang in there!

 

[sc39]

Hi missh2o

That fox that you have for your avatar is very cool.

I hope that you are able to work through the issues you described.

One day at a time.

 

[missh2o]

Hi sc39

Thank you! I love foxes :] Yea.. I hope so too. "One day at a time"... that's what everyone has been telling me. It's kind of hard when there is so much on your plate, but I'm trying to work it out.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello missh2o welcome.

I am glad that you are not stressing out and flipping out with all that you have to get done. But I am a bit concerned that all you feel like doing is listening to music and dancing. That can be part of your day for sure, but not all of it.

Have you reviewed your study load and worked out what is possible for you to complete?

If you think these drugs are making you 'high' and you are not focusing on fixing things in your life, then I think you should tell the doctor who is prescribing them.

It's okay to not feel like hell because you no longer feel the weight of all the things you must do. But, that does not mean you do not have to deal with them.

I appreciate from what you have said that you have had a terrible time growing up and full credit to you for getting into college and the effort you have made to get treatment for your illness.

Just be careful with your medications and make sure you are dealing in reality and not a balloon which will bust the higher it gets.

Please keep us up to date as you go,
Kind regards,
Blackemerald1

 

[missh2o]

Well yea, I did listen to music and danced a bit in my seat. It felt great to feel somewhat happy again. Can't I enjoy something good?! I haven't been feeling so great for so long and listening to music plus dancing is one of my favorite things to do. I lost interest in that awhile ago and I am just so glad that I am able to enjoy something I used to do everyday! So I deserve some slack!

I already know what to do and I've actually got so much things done. I never said they're making me high. They've given me a boost of energy to help me get out of bed and get some things taken care of! Where does it say I don't tell my doctor about what has been happening?

I have been recording every single thing that has been happening to me ever since I took it and called my doctor to tell her how I have been while on it. She said that it was great news that I have been able to do things with a positive mood instead of stay in my room, cry and do nothing. I actually wanted to go out and walk around which I haven't done in so long! I don't say everything that I do on this forum. You're assuming that I'm being irresponsible and I don't like that at all! You can't say that I haven't gotten anything done because believe me, I've gotten so much done even before I started taking the meds.

Where does it say I don't want to deal with my problems?! I said it was overwhelming, but because of the medicine, I was able to surpass those feelings and get some things done! If I didn't want to deal with my problems, then I wouldn't be seeking help and going through hell in the first place.

As for my classes, I already know what I have to do. I've already talked to my dean several times and we've agreed on a plan. I've been thinking about studying and trying to finish my incompletes ever since they became incompletes, but because of what has been happening recently it was difficult for me to concentrate. I had other things to attend to like going to my doctors, coordinating with the school, going to my medical examinations. So don't say that it hasn't been on my mind. Why else would I continue school?! I didn't come here to slack off.

I've worked very hard to get to where I am at! Despite the obstacles that I'm facing, I still want to continue. I can't do anything else but keep going, but there are some times where it becomes overbearing and I just need a break. Geez, can't I take a little break for a bit?

Ugh! Do I really need to tell everything single damn thing about my life on here?! I don't want to be misinterpreted!!!

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello missh2o, no you do not need to tell everything you do, every day. Your previous posts to mine were filled with misery and worry and then after you started the medication there was a definite upwards change, which is great.

I am not judging you, dance all you can! I was just concerned that the medication had swung you the other way too far, that is all.

Yes you deserve some slack and I am glad you are in contact with your doctor and the Dean. I hope it goes well. I am sorry if you interpreted my comments as critical, they were not meant to sound that way or mean anything other than concern.

I gave you encouragement for going into college and handling that and I never said you cannot take a break from anything.

I think I will stop my input into your thread as I seem to have upset you a lot and I am so sorry that was not my intention.

Take care and I hope you find someone else here on the Forum who does not upset you so much.

Good luck for the future,
blackemerald1