Relationship Unable to give back

[drlight12]

My husband (40) has CPTSD, diagnosed about 4 years ago. I (39) typically take care of everything (working, household duties, bills, taking care of our pets, etc). About 3.5 weeks ago I fell and broke my ankle. I am not allowed walk on it for another 4 weeks. He did great with the initial accident, but has completely regressed since that time. He accuses me of abandoning him because I am not able to take care of him right now. He struggles to take care of me. I frequently have to remind him to do basic things and if he gets overwhelmed or upset he completely shuts down. There have been a few times where he was upset and I didn’t get to eat for several hours on end. Friends have helped where they can and we do not live close to family. There really is not someone who could come stay with us to help get us through this time. I am at a loss for what to do. Everyday becomes a big huge blowout argument. He threatens self harm and gets violently angry, or he dissociates and reverts to childlike behavior. I can’t reach him to bring him back to reality. My fuse is shorter than normal because I am frustrated with my own limitations and still in pain. It’s so hard to love someone who essentially can’t love you back. I feel like I am at my limit and I don’t know if I can keep doing this.

 

[Cheri]

Is he in therapy or getting treatment of any kind?

 

[drlight12]

Is he in therapy or getting treatment of any kind?

We’ve been through a long list of medicines, EMDR, ketamine, stellate ganglion blocks and he is now doing TMS. He does go to therapy, but only when and because I demand it.

 

[Cheri]

I asked because my answer depends on what he’s doing to manage his issues.

I can only share my experience. When we were in the initial stages, in crisis, I took on a much bigger part of the everyday stuff at home. Kids, chores, emotional work, etc. It was all about him and what he needed as he struggled to get a handle on “all this.”

But, at a certain point, he had to become responsible for his own healing and accountable for how he treated me and our kids. And I had to draw boundaries for myself and what I would accept. And if we were going to stay in our marriage he also had to contribute in ways that he could with the house and the kids etc. Sometimes it was very little. But the effort was there.

I definitely needed him to be working on it. And I’m honestly not sure if I could have stayed with the behaviours you’re describing if there wasn’t any real work or progress towards some kind of healing.

 

[looking for the road]

Hi you might reach out to the town to see if they have a visiting nurse. In my town we do and In this program have people that can help you for a few hours each day.

 

[Jaylin]

If I was you I would probably divorce him and see a doctor about your ankle when you can walk and not stress it out and making more damage to your ankle than you have already