Hi-
I've posted a couple times and haven't officially introduced myself. I found this forum because I fell in love with a woman who has PTSD I wanted to learn more about it while I learn about her, and am grateful for the people here who are willing to share and teach newbs like me.
Although I'm presently labelled a 'carer', I do have my share of a troubled past, but nothing like what my girlfriend has been through. But, I'll try to share a little about who I am because I know that there are certain triggers for me and maybe that will help people understand my logic at times.
I grew up in an abusive household where the beatings were sometimes for stupid things that really didn't matter - like slicing the roast beef the wrong direction. Yeah, I got a fat lip for that one! lol When I was 12, mom was playing house with her boss, and she was beaten up and kicked out. That left me to care for three younger siblings ages 2 to 8. I guess I did okay, but it did take it's toll on me.
At 17, fed up with being fed up and living scared, I left one night and didn't know where I'd go. So I decided to visit an aunt and uncle on the opposite side of the country in California and I stuck out my thumb. I had just the clothes on my back and about a quarter in my pocket, and three days later I was there. I hitchhiked up and down the Calif coast for a few days, escaped from a knife-weilding lunatic who threatened to cut me up into "little pieces", and eventually my uncle put me on a plane back to the same person whom I was running from. Haven't talked to my father in 25+ years now.
My mother and I don't talk either, she's never really wanted me in her life unless she needed artwork for her quilting business. I called her a couple years ago and sge talked me out of visiting her, so it's been a couple years since I've talked to her, too.
Although I have two brothers who have violent, destructive tempers, I've become more 'passive' about things. I used to have their temper as it was what we were taught as children, but I grew out of it when I realized it only cost me $$! I'm not a pushover, but have learned to decipher what is worth fighting about and what is worth having a beer. :occasion:
All in all, I don't hate my father for what he did, but that doesn't mean I will forget it. Some say to forgive, but my philosophy is that I'm not going to waste forgiveness on someone who doesn't acknowledge that they need it. Despite what it appears, I do realize that my 'abuse' is just a drop in the proverbial bucket compared to what others have endured, my girlfriend not withstanding. I'm proud of her for being able to love me for who I am after all she has been through at the hands of other men that she once loved.
Well...that's me in a nutshell. I hope I haven't gone overboard with this intro, but it is who I am. I don't seek sorrow or pity, but I feel that I've done well considering I was constantly told as a child that I'd be a failure in life. I do remember my childhood - not as a reminder of where I came from, but as a reminder of how far I've come, and I'm proud of that. thanks....
I've posted a couple times and haven't officially introduced myself. I found this forum because I fell in love with a woman who has PTSD I wanted to learn more about it while I learn about her, and am grateful for the people here who are willing to share and teach newbs like me.
Although I'm presently labelled a 'carer', I do have my share of a troubled past, but nothing like what my girlfriend has been through. But, I'll try to share a little about who I am because I know that there are certain triggers for me and maybe that will help people understand my logic at times.
I grew up in an abusive household where the beatings were sometimes for stupid things that really didn't matter - like slicing the roast beef the wrong direction. Yeah, I got a fat lip for that one! lol When I was 12, mom was playing house with her boss, and she was beaten up and kicked out. That left me to care for three younger siblings ages 2 to 8. I guess I did okay, but it did take it's toll on me.
At 17, fed up with being fed up and living scared, I left one night and didn't know where I'd go. So I decided to visit an aunt and uncle on the opposite side of the country in California and I stuck out my thumb. I had just the clothes on my back and about a quarter in my pocket, and three days later I was there. I hitchhiked up and down the Calif coast for a few days, escaped from a knife-weilding lunatic who threatened to cut me up into "little pieces", and eventually my uncle put me on a plane back to the same person whom I was running from. Haven't talked to my father in 25+ years now.
My mother and I don't talk either, she's never really wanted me in her life unless she needed artwork for her quilting business. I called her a couple years ago and sge talked me out of visiting her, so it's been a couple years since I've talked to her, too.
Although I have two brothers who have violent, destructive tempers, I've become more 'passive' about things. I used to have their temper as it was what we were taught as children, but I grew out of it when I realized it only cost me $$! I'm not a pushover, but have learned to decipher what is worth fighting about and what is worth having a beer. :occasion:
All in all, I don't hate my father for what he did, but that doesn't mean I will forget it. Some say to forgive, but my philosophy is that I'm not going to waste forgiveness on someone who doesn't acknowledge that they need it. Despite what it appears, I do realize that my 'abuse' is just a drop in the proverbial bucket compared to what others have endured, my girlfriend not withstanding. I'm proud of her for being able to love me for who I am after all she has been through at the hands of other men that she once loved.
Well...that's me in a nutshell. I hope I haven't gone overboard with this intro, but it is who I am. I don't seek sorrow or pity, but I feel that I've done well considering I was constantly told as a child that I'd be a failure in life. I do remember my childhood - not as a reminder of where I came from, but as a reminder of how far I've come, and I'm proud of that. thanks....
