Understanding Ptsd - By Anthony Parsons

[PTSD sufferer]

Girl 3, Love your explanations and insights around the brain and brain training. I am also an avid supporter of brain training to try to 'undo' what damage I can as well as (previously) for more practice things such as storing information. Funny you describe the brain like Google. I have always told people that I treat my brain like a computer, storing and filing information in categories, with links to other categories. I use repetition, visualizations and word associations to store and retrieve information - thought I was a bit odd that way. It doesn't always work for me (I am pretty crap with names and lately I need to write a lot of lists), but am still working hard to re-train my brain.

 

[Girl3]

Unbeknownst to me at the time, using my brain to achieve things that were not possible seemingly in my day-to-day life growing up in a very rural place, with high school drop-out parents - I was doing brain training without even knowing. I also discovered the worth of physical exertion by sheer accident - now known to be helpful for both PTSD as well as other psychiatric issues and learning. I grew up poor with simple things and simple family - I've always had to explain things to myself in Appalachian. It's the same when I talk to patients. I say it as I understand it, as I have experienced it.
So PTSD Sufferer, you do me honor. Bless you much.

 

[Iam]

A life without PTSD would be - to me - the most remarkable of lives. I have never lived without it as far as my memory serves (48 of 51 years.) In fact, I don't even hope to be free of PTSD - just less harried by the symptoms and have a better set of cards with which to play.

Iam - I know the BPD mother - she is my own. I can tell you stories that probably mirror your own, but it all boils down to "your fault" and "you're a bad child/person."

I think that is the most any of us that have had PTSD since we were children can hope for Girl3. My symptoms are low enough now that if I were to be dx'd it would not be PTSD. That being said, I feel it lurking in the background like a caged lion just waiting for that latch to be loosened so it can come crashing thru and devour me. My goal now is to keep the lion caged so the amygdala doesn't start a rapid misfiring again.

I've done much retraining of the brain and am continuing to do so using CBT and EMDR. Though I don't think there is much more I can learn in the realm of CBT....it's just cementing it in so that hopefully one day it will be second nature. Unfortunately the "nada" (BP mother) is a continual trigger that can topple over the "normal everyday" stress cart of life. I am joining WTOAdultChildren.com for support in that area, because as you well know, BP's are great manipulators endowing the significant people in their lives with Fear, Obligation and Guilt. I have to fight that with myself on a constant basis to not let her put it on my shoulders. I'm hoping that reading other's accounts and sharing mine will help cement it (retrain) in my brain that it indeed is not me, it is her mental illness.

You used the phrase "your patients"....what field do you specialize in? If you don't mind my asking?

 

[anthony]

Anthony,

I fit into the 6% category. My PTSD covers a lifetime. Began as a child, which in turn affected my life choices and put me in situations that had terrible consequences.

Not what I mean about "lifetime PTSD."

Lifetime PTSD has nothing to do with your trauma, which you have aligned that term with. It has to do with whether or not symptoms will affect you your entire life, regardless of further trauma or not.

That is what is defined by mental health professionals as lifetime PTSD.

You can endure 20 years of trauma and completely recover symptoms and no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for PTSD and get back into life completely, quite normally... albeit you may experience some heightened symptoms compared to another, you can fully function again without fitting the criteria longer than a month.

Don't get confused with that terminology against trauma duration vs. whether you will endure symptoms your entire life.

I will use me as an example. I have healed my trauma, I have spent years working on self management and retraining my brain to react differently to what used to knock me out for a week and put me on the lounge. I can now function at home, I can do things, I can go shopping, I can perform tasks, I can socialise for small periods, I can go on holidays with my wife, however; even going on holidays, I will fallover on completion of the holiday because its takes me everything I have to keep myself together, using every technique and trick and I have learnt to manage myself for a short period, ie. week or two outside of home, outside of my normal routine, and go do things in a big city, as an example.

The lifetime part comes in because I couldn't sustain that activity for an extended period. For example, full time work, my symptoms that I don't get daily would suddenly reappear and be worse than ever after a couple of weeks. It then takes me another week or two to recover, get symptoms back under control and rebalance myself.

That is an example of lifetime PTSD. I have healed, I have spent years learning to manage myself, I can participate in life, but any type of extended period, ie. a week or two directly exposed to what everyone else does daily, is all I can take before I collapse in symptoms overwhelming me.

If you haven't healed your trauma and got your symptoms under control, exposed yourself progressively back into life, and pushed hard at reintegrating completely, then you can't say whether you have lifetime PTSD or not.

Both my Ts have warned me not to fear PTSD flaring up again. I don't think they would have told me that if it wasn't a common fear. My trauma T said that I will experience negative emotions just like everyone else, albeit maybe a more intensely, but that doesn't mean the PTSD is coming back. To use my coping skills and if I am struggling I can always call her and come in for a tune up. That's for future as I am currently still seeing both of them. The key here, is in the future to call and get help early on so it doesn't become PTSD again.

Exactly spot on the money. Very commonsense therapist.

General...

As Girl3 mentioned, the trauma types are very different in relation to symptoms. There is vast differences between civilian and military trauma, there are vast differences between incest and raped by a stranger as a child versus adulthood sexual assault and rape, domestic violence, etc, all towards recovery.

You can have endured the worst events as a child, which now affect you immensely in adulthood, however; a childhood brain is extremely resilient to trauma, what its not resilient to is the emotional impact of feeling betrayed and unprotected by family. This is usually the biggest issue in adulthood for PTSD with that type of trauma, just for examples sake. Heal that aspect, the trauma itself is normally irrelevant to many because they either don't remember the specifics or they aren't the worst part of the trauma for them, its the betrayal and lack of trust, protection, etc, from primary care givers.

A majority of these people can function in life, work, etc... but fall apart in relationships and socialising due to the childhood trauma and its real problems transferred into adulthood.

A very small percentage of these people would have lifetime PTSD, even though they may of been in therapy for 20 years... the core hasn't been solved. Solve the core, the majority can reintegrate into life and symptoms get less and less. Some, they will heal everything but still fall apart when integrating into life... hence, lifetime PTSD.

 

[KP the nut]

I will use me as an example. I have healed my trauma, I have spent years working on self management and retraining my brain to react differently to what used to knock me out for a week and put me on the lounge. I can now function at home, I can do things, I can go shopping, I can perform tasks, I can socialise for small periods, I can go on holidays with my wife, however; even going on holidays, I will fallover on completion of the holiday because its takes me everything I have to keep myself together, using every technique and trick and I have learnt to manage myself for a short period, ie. week or two outside of home, outside of my normal routine, and go do things in a big city, as an example.

Oh my, I wish I'd read this before going to France for three weeks. I was managing my symptoms and was totally unprepared for the feelings of being overwhelmed, triggered and anxiousness I experienced during weeks 2 and 3 of being away.

I did fallover after the holiday and allowed myself extra time to recover. Towards the end of the holiday I found it did help to have some down/quiet time each day. I would lie on the bed, do breathing and grounding exercises and/or listen to relaxing music.

Thanks for the great advice Anthony given in such an understandable way.

 

[Zipperhead]

Anthony, if PTSD can be easily identified with an MRI, then why don't they use that tool to confirm a diagnosis after the initial screening indicates the probability? And a bit more personnal here, if you were unable to have an MRI due to the presence of metal fragments, would a CT Scan also be effective at determining the diagnosis? It's not that I doubt the skills of those that did my assessment, but, to be honest, if there is a chance they're wrong, and a simple test could provide the answer, then why not?

Grasping at straws here. It's been a rough week.

 

[anthony]

It can't be identified using an MRI... that is old theory. There is no actual method to clearly identify PTSD using neuro-imaging. When this document was written, that was current theory based on what they knew then. That has changed... hence rewrite.

There are studies using PET and FMRI trying to isolate specific neuro activity within those with PTSD, and some have shown superior results compared to anything to date, but even if they do get 99% accuracy with such a scan, that is an expensive way in which to diagnose every possible sufferer.

Maybe if insurance is involved, insurance companies may be happy to wear the cost as to validate legitimacy of any claims for compensation or payouts, disability, etc, but I can't see it ever becoming mainstream unless the cost and availability of such tools increase tremendously within the world.

Most machines are already solidly booked for real emergencies and life threatening cases, let alone for diagnosing mental health. Some research institutes have them available for playing around with, studies, etc... but they are few and far between.

 

[Girl3]

My own way of dealing apparently has been through DID. There is one of me who is brilliantly capable of being at work day to day. The other two are mostly controlled. Although on the rare occasion when the one gets the upper hand, is when really bad things begin. It happens when I am under undue stress in life, and the one who protects at all costs has cost me things. So while I function in life, I do not fully function. And there are some things I simply cannot do because they are outside the purview of the one in charge.It is very difficult to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced it. But it isn't like they portray on TV or in the movies. I can tell when the roles have changed out - I know which one is running the show and when. I just don't have any control - up until recently - when the roles change. Now when I feel I am losing my grip, I email my psychiatrist and tell him what I am experiencing. What I feel I am about to do. The triggers I now know are fear and anger when I feel helpless.
I fear losing control altogether, which has happened in the past. Despite decades of antidepressants, I still fear killing myself, because I know how the feeling comes on rapidly. It doesn't matter than I haven't been hospitalized for several decades - it is all like a moment ago.
And then I fear writing anything down - because if I don't write it, it didn't happen.

 

[Girl3]

Every test you get - whether it be a scan or blood work or an ECG - all have reliability limits and ALL require clinical correlation.
You can have metal fragments in your brain and go your entire life without symptoms of anything.
Scans at this point are experimental. The best way to get diagnosed is by someone whose expertise is in PTSD.
PTSD is not a horrible diagnosis - it is better than many other things that I can think of - except for the public pity factor.
Do not grasp at straws - get help. Understand what you have - read about it - books, not blogs on the internet.

 

[Zipperhead]

You are right. Grasping at straws is a bad analogy. And a diagnosis of PTSD is not the end of the world. I guess when I saw the statement about the MRI it just struck me as a definative test, that would remove all doubt. And I was curious if a CT scan would also work, as I can no longer have an MRI. But you can't really blame someone for wanting a second opinion when they are told they have an incurable condition I guess. And I'm a bit frustrated this week as I have just had my first treatment session postponed again for the third time. So nerves are abit raw. Didn't mean to infer that PTSD was something I should be trying to disprove, or that I was looking for away out of treatments. Just caught me off guard, that's all.

 

[Iam]

((((Zipperhead)))) I'm sorry. It is a hard dx to accept. I fought it too. Once you do accept it, you can start learning what it means, what your triggers are and how to control your symptoms. And even though it is "incurable", you can live a good life. Good luck to you. It's hard work, but I can testify that it is well worth it!

 

[Loloma]

Not what I mean about "lifetime PTSD."

Anthony,

You could be your right. My trauma didn't just extend from childhood abuse. I was gang raped when I was seventeen and the perpetrators went unpunished. My siblings were shot. These events happened when I was an adult.

My coping abilities are at times limited. I had more thirty jobs that I can recall, and been sacked due to illness and other causes including falling asleep at my desk. I have learnt to function on a day to day basis, a lot better than before my hospitalisation. My ability to handle stress varies depending on my mental state of mind at the time of the incident. I look forward to reading further posts from you on this subject.