Undiagnosed Undiagnosed, but definitely traumatized

[whenskyended]

I have a tendency to talk on and on, so I'll try to keep this as short as possible for myself.

I'm a university student, due to graduate in a few months (hooray!). I have a lot of trauma from my family and it's hard for my friends to understand. I'm currently not in a position where I can seek therapy because my major is very rigorous, so I pretty much have little free time on my hands. I read a few posts here from people that went through similar traumatic experiences and made me feel very seen, so I decided to make an account here because I know there are certain things I can't talk to my friends about and I don't want to put them in that uncomfortable position.

An extremely abridged version of my life: emotionally abusive mom that used to physically abuse me as a child. Dad used to be emotionally abusive to an extent, but after getting arrested (that could be a whole post in and of itself) he mellowed out significantly, though he can still sometimes be a little frustrating. I only have two family members in my entire family that genuinely care about me–two cousins that live far away, and I only see them once a year. The rest of my family only cares that I make the family look good to outsiders. Outside of my cousins, I really only have one true friend I trust. The rest of my friends have their own issues, and I know they're trying to get through life, but they've made it clear time and time again that I can't rely on them as much as I'd like to. My trauma has made it hard for me to befriend people and also maintain those friendships, and it's tiring.

I always try to end things on as positive of a note as I can, so I'll just end with some hopes for the future. I'm hoping to find a good therapist and also make more friends that I know I can trust on a deep level. I also want to become more emotionally healthy so that I don't trouble my friends as much.

 

[Riley Jones]

I have a tendency to talk on and on, so I'll try to keep this as short as possible for myself.

I'm a university student, due to graduate in a few months (hooray!). I have a lot of trauma from my family and it's hard for my friends to understand. I'm currently not in a position where I can seek therapy because my major is very rigorous, so I pretty much have little free time on my hands. I read a few posts here from people that went through similar traumatic experiences and made me feel very seen, so I decided to make an account here because I know there are certain things I can't talk to my friends about and I don't want to put them in that uncomfortable position.

An extremely abridged version of my life: emotionally abusive mom that used to physically abuse me as a child. Dad used to be emotionally abusive to an extent, but after getting arrested (that could be a whole post in and of itself) he mellowed out significantly, though he can still sometimes be a little frustrating. I only have two family members in my entire family that genuinely care about me–two cousins that live far away, and I only see them once a year. The rest of my family only cares that I make the family look good to outsiders. Outside of my cousins, I really only have one true friend I trust. The rest of my friends have their own issues, and I know they're trying to get through life, but they've made it clear time and time again that I can't rely on them as much as I'd like to. My trauma has made it hard for me to befriend people and also maintain those friendships, and it's tiring.

I always try to end things on as positive of a note as I can, so I'll just end with some hopes for the future. I'm hoping to find a good therapist and also make more friends that I know I can trust on a deep level. I also want to become more emotionally healthy so that I don't trouble my friends as much.

Welcome to the myptsd.com community. It's truly courageous of you to reach out and share your story with us. Your experiences and feelings are valid, and it's understandable how challenging it can be to navigate through trauma while managing the demands of university life.

You are right that sharing with those who may not fully understand can be difficult, and it's important to have a space where you feel seen and heard without judgment or discomfort. Here in this community, many people have walked similar paths and can offer support and empathy from a place of understanding.

While your studies are keeping you busy, it's also important to acknowledge the need for self-care and emotional support. Participating in discussions here can be a way to connect and find comfort, but also remember that professional help is key when you're ready and able to seek it. A therapist can be an invaluable ally in navigating your trauma and finding ways to cope and heal.

The hope you have for the future is a wonderful place to anchor yourself. Working towards emotional health and finding trustworthy friendships are meaningful goals. When you’re ready, those steps to seek therapy and build new connections will support you on your journey to healing.

Feel free to explore the various forums on myptsd.com that resonate with your experiences. You're among people who care and understand, and we're here to support each other every step of the way. You are not alone.

 

[arfie]

hello whensky. welcome to the forum. your grasp of the peer support system seems quite similar to mine. it is not a substitusky for pro therapy, but it is a most excellent place to feel less alone with ^it^. peer support works when i work it. personally, i like to maintain a therapy network of both pros and peers. even when i don't have time to keep up with all the nodes on my network, it is comforting to know the net is there when i need it.

 

[whenskyended]

Hi arfie, thank you for your words. I'm hoping I can at least come here every so often when things get to be too much and I don't have anyone else to talk to.

even when i don't have time to keep up with all the nodes on my network, it is comforting to know the net is there when i need it.

I like that you wrote this! This is how I feel about participating in this forum; I don't want to rely on it completely, but it's nice to know that I can come here whenever I need to.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Welcome!
I initially came here to feel related to. Now I mostly here to use my trauma diary (surprisingly useful tool for some self-led stuff). I’m in therapy, now, but this compliments that and bridges the gap between sessions some. Sometimes people chip in, too, and that’s nice. Other angles on what you’re going through and someone to see it who knows. And the skills pass onto private life, too. Some things I battle out in my offline “diary”. Really helps unravel what you’re feeling about xyz, or what’s preventing the untangling.

Hope you find this place useful, too. Family stuff (abuse, neglect, dysfunction… et cetera) is extremely difficult, I’m sorry that’s what brings you here.

 

[PamelaS]

I have a tendency to talk on and on, so I'll try to keep this as short as possible for myself.

I'm a university student, due to graduate in a few months (hooray!). I have a lot of trauma from my family and it's hard for my friends to understand. I'm currently not in a position where I can seek therapy because my major is very rigorous, so I pretty much have little free time on my hands. I read a few posts here from people that went through similar traumatic experiences and made me feel very seen, so I decided to make an account here because I know there are certain things I can't talk to my friends about and I don't want to put them in that uncomfortable position.

An extremely abridged version of my life: emotionally abusive mom that used to physically abuse me as a child. Dad used to be emotionally abusive to an extent, but after getting arrested (that could be a whole post in and of itself) he mellowed out significantly, though he can still sometimes be a little frustrating. I only have two family members in my entire family that genuinely care about me–two cousins that live far away, and I only see them once a year. The rest of my family only cares that I make the family look good to outsiders. Outside of my cousins, I really only have one true friend I trust. The rest of my friends have their own issues, and I know they're trying to get through life, but they've made it clear time and time again that I can't rely on them as much as I'd like to. My trauma has made it hard for me to befriend people and also maintain those friendships, and it's tiring.

I always try to end things on as positive of a note as I can, so I'll just end with some hopes for the future. I'm hoping to find a good therapist and also make more friends that I know I can trust on a deep level. I also want to become more emotionally healthy so that I don't trouble my friends as much.

Welcome Whenskyended! I hope you feel like you are being heard and understood. That’s how I have felt. People here, get it and have been through it. People here have great wisdom and experience. I spent 10 years in therapy that was called “trauma therapy” but it really wasn’t. You need to be careful not to choose a therapist that has trauma listed as one of the things they work with. You need to choose someone who is specialized in trauma. Do some research this summer when you get a break. There are many different modalities for treatment. Talk therapy is just one of them. I have done research and have decided to go with a trauma informed therapist who is also a survivor of domestic violence. It’s a perfect match for me. I hope that you get the information that you need and the encouragement that you need to move forward in whatever direction is the best fit for you. Glad to have you here.

 

[whenskyended]

@Dark.Green.Feathers It's nice to know that using the trauma diary on here has been working for you, and it's also wonderful to hear that you've been using it in tandem with actual therapy! I'm still on the fence of whether or not I want to use it, but since things have been okay lately I don't see myself using it right now. Like you, I also have an offline diary where I sometimes write about things I don't want to tell other people about. It's really admirable to see people making use of so many resources to help themselves, definitely something I want to work toward once I graduate.

@PamelaS Thank you so much for your advice about looking for a therapist that specializes in trauma. Some of my friends have had unsuccessful experiences but luckily were able to find therapists that work for them. I'll definitely start doing some research over the summer and see what options are available for me. Thank you again!

 

[PamelaS]

@Dark.Green.Feathers It's nice to know that using the trauma diary on here has been working for you, and it's also wonderful to hear that you've been using it in tandem with actual therapy! I'm still on the fence of whether or not I want to use it, but since things have been okay lately I don't see myself using it right now. Like you, I also have an offline diary where I sometimes write about things I don't want to tell other people about. It's really admirable to see people making use of so many resources to help themselves, definitely something I want to work toward once I graduate.

@PamelaS Thank you so much for your advice about looking for a therapist that specializes in trauma. Some of my friends have had unsuccessful experiences but luckily were able to find therapists that work for them. I'll definitely start doing some research over the summer and see what options are available for me. Thank you again!

I have seen members reach out to the AI doctor here. I recommend that you give that a try and ask about different modes of treatment. I believe you can trust what you find here. If you go out and just google something, you don’t know if you can trust it. The AI has been customized by Anthony, who created this forum in order to be most beneficial to all of us. I have seen long threads where someone is searching for a mode of therapy and the AI doctor provides thorough information in order to guide them. I hope this helps to get you what you need as quickly as possible when you have a chance this summer to tackle it. Best wishes as you move forward. In the meantime, just focus on what’s in front of you.