BlueJupiter
New Here
My ex has been through so much trauma in his 48 years that I'm convinced he's permanently damaged. We broke up last year. 2013 I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and admitted to hospital for 5 days - he left to go hunting and didn't call me once. He was insensitive and indifferent about my terrible diagnosis. He later said to me, when I was packing to move and needed help, "I'm sick of helping you." He's also a drug addict - started doing coke shortly after his best friend was murdered in front of him. His other best friend/coke buddy, in 1990, went on a coke fueled psychotic rage and took 2 women (mother & daughter) hostage, raped one, killed the other, shot a random person, shot 2 police officers, and then killed himself. Terrorized a community. My ex never talked about that - I looked the story up online. He (ex) has OD'ed 2 times and had to be resuscitated. (years ago) He was a hardcore addict. He lost his house because coke is expensive. He still does coke when he can but at least he's aware of random drug tests at his job. He also drinks heavily, and smokes 2+ packs a day. After breaking up we didn't talk for 6 months. I only spoke to him again after he'd moved out of state for work. We saw each other for the 1st time in a year in July, and he told me he'd professed his love to a long time (recovering addict) friend of his, and told me he'd always loved her and would have left me for her. That hurt pretty bad, so I reinitiated the No Contact. He didn't need to tell me that but he did anyway - the hell with my feelings. Since then he's invited me out (when he was in town) then uninvited me because some other girl was going to be there, and made up a BS story about why I shouldn't go to this event. (She can have him) He thinks I'm stupid and dont see thru his BS. He doesn't seem to comprehend how insulting that is to me - even as a FRIEND. When I confronted him about it, told him that it really pissed me off and hurt me, he responded with a grunt, an attempt to change the subject, tried to tell me "boy, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed!" and ultimately he didn't acknowledge that he hurt me, didn't apologize, tried to act like everything was fine, and now he's angry at me for being angry at him! I am so done.
But the reason I called this 'unresolved trauma' is because I'm trying to figure out if his complete lack of compassion, empathy, caring, respect for others is from PTSD, or is he just an a-hole? Did 15 years of hardcore coke use damage his brain? Has all the trauma he's been through (which he was never treated for) damage his brain? He's got the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. He's admitted he thinks about his traumas daily, and has never forgiven the guy who killed his friend. He had a full on panic attack last year when he saw the murderer comment on a mutual friends page on Facebook. He said if he saw him in person he doesn't know what he'd do but hes sure he'd wind up in jail. He told me he has fantasies of murdering his coworkers, but he doesnt think he needs therapy or that there's anything wrong with him. He was never violent towards me. He yelled at me the day he told me he loved his friend and would have left me... after he knew I was hurt he zoned out - he does it all the time - spaces completely out and I have to actually poke him and yell HELLO!! three times - and he comes back and is ANGRY, and yells at me. Dissociating? He always spaces out, in a way I've never seen.
He has a sweet side to him, he's not a bad person. That's what I loved.
I'm so hurt by him, that it helps me to know he is damaged. I don't know how else to make sense of him. Sorry for the long post. I'm just confused and angry, and wondering if trauma from up to 35 years ago can have such a lasting impact.
Bless you all, I hope you're all doing well.
But the reason I called this 'unresolved trauma' is because I'm trying to figure out if his complete lack of compassion, empathy, caring, respect for others is from PTSD, or is he just an a-hole? Did 15 years of hardcore coke use damage his brain? Has all the trauma he's been through (which he was never treated for) damage his brain? He's got the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. He's admitted he thinks about his traumas daily, and has never forgiven the guy who killed his friend. He had a full on panic attack last year when he saw the murderer comment on a mutual friends page on Facebook. He said if he saw him in person he doesn't know what he'd do but hes sure he'd wind up in jail. He told me he has fantasies of murdering his coworkers, but he doesnt think he needs therapy or that there's anything wrong with him. He was never violent towards me. He yelled at me the day he told me he loved his friend and would have left me... after he knew I was hurt he zoned out - he does it all the time - spaces completely out and I have to actually poke him and yell HELLO!! three times - and he comes back and is ANGRY, and yells at me. Dissociating? He always spaces out, in a way I've never seen.
He has a sweet side to him, he's not a bad person. That's what I loved.
I'm so hurt by him, that it helps me to know he is damaged. I don't know how else to make sense of him. Sorry for the long post. I'm just confused and angry, and wondering if trauma from up to 35 years ago can have such a lasting impact.
Bless you all, I hope you're all doing well.
