Unstable... tough therapy session

[hermione]

So had a pretty rough session with my therapist last night. She feels I am unstable and almost put me in the hospital last night because in my journal I talked about suicide and it had method and intent she said but I promised I wasn't anymore and I'm not but she is not sure my move is a good idea. She said even though my roommate was never home I still had more accountability like she caught me self harm once...my eating is iffy like some days good some days off my meal plan. She also said she never knows when I am telling the truth because I lie to other members of my treatment team and everyone else in my life about how I am doing. She also mentioned if I can't get it together she will fire me and recommend a higher level of care...it wAs rough and I am still upset

 

[Virtues]

It sounds to me like she is being very open, honest, and straight forward with you. The truth can be hard to hear, but sometimes maybe we need to hear it. Are you lying to members of your treatment team? Are you really beyond your suicidal ideation or were you just giving her lip service? I'm not accusing, I'm asking because I really don't know the particulars of your situation. If your therapist is right than maybe you should consider a higher level of care. Inpatient changed my life (for the better) If she's wrong than what is making her think this about you? I've had some tough sessions before where I really had to face myself, and I didn't like what I saw, but that's what breeds change.

 

[Justmehere]

Is there a middle ground option like pursuing a higher level of care now such as intensive outpatient or adding group therapy sessions?

 

[hermione]

I think what she said was true I would go to a higher level of care but she won't see me anymore if i go she is like done with me at that point. Its a difficult situation but i do still have suicidal thoughts I don't know if she should have hospitalized me last night but that would be the holidays so I plan to stay safe. I did lie to my psychiatrist about how I am doing or how i was she knows better now from me and my therapist. she upped my medications and hope it changes things. she feels i have gotten sicker and maybe that is true and i need to pull myself out of it but it is just difficult and this time of year sucks...but maybe it was some harsh truths i still don't know how to feel or think i am just in a haze since last night...

 

[Justmehere]

Your therapist and doctor have been pushing a higher level of care since last May... What was different this time? Was it the risk of her quitting?

 

[Virtues]

sometimes you can't "pull yourself out of it"

sometimes you're on a bad script and you need to stabilize meds; sometimes you need to really set aside time to do nothing but process. sometimes it comes over the holidays. my last inpatient stay was a year ago last Thanksgiving. the important thing is that you take care of you no matter what (what ever that looks like). It sounds like you're being truthful with yourself and that's a good start. I think if you search your heart you will find the answer. I'm not saying to jump up to a higher level of care, just don't rule it out because it's a scary option. If it is right for you and it fits than explore it as an option. If it doesn't fit than move on to something else. All I'm saying is that particularly difficult sessions are usually the ones I grow from the most. There is probably something of value buried in that difficult session; try to find it and hold on to it.

 

[hermione]

Thanks for the support. If I didn't just get an apartment I may have more considered a higher level of care and I don't want to lose my therapist either so it's a lot of pressure but could be motivating if I use it that way... it's hard to get out of it I would take a quick psych stay to maybe get meds right but long term does not sound appealing to me at all and that is what my therapist has said I possibly need. I don't want to lose her or my new apartment... big things to lose... I signed a lease it's done my parents would have to pay if I am away without my work pay it would be just messy...