Undiagnosed Unsure And Need Some Help

[Jules0408]

I've always had this problem of random memories coming back and I will get a physical reaction because of it. I'll squeeze my eyes shut, groan, pull a hood over my head. Its as if my body just wants to hide from the memory. It can stem from some tiny thing I did years back, or some dumb little thing I did the other day. I have always had an issue where when something is bugging me, or I've been hurt by something I can never stop thinking about it; which lead to me to having great difficulty 'getting over it'. I'll end up always thinking of scenarios of what I'd like to happen though I know the person won't ever do that or, the situation has already happened so I can't fix it.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but I found little difference on my anti-anxiety medication. Obviously I was calmer and not as jittery but my mind continues to race, mainly when I'm trying to sleep. It gets to the point where my head actually hurts because of it, and I end up tossing and turning for hours trying to calm my head so I can sleep. I've even had moments where I pull my blankets over my head and start repeating out loud "don't think about it" I find the thoughts are sudden memories from something that happened in the past.

Suggestions?

 

[katiekat]

I can totally relate! I had a memory pop up a month ago that I had forgotten about for like 10 years (it was a trauma). I was so distraught about the fact that I somehow "forgot" about it, and I kept seeing a snippet of it replaying over and over in my head for like a week straight. It was really frustrating and I felt embarrassed by it... like how you described pulling your hood over your head-it was the same for me! I emailed my therapist about it and he called me and told me to write it down in as much detail as I could. Then I got an email from him about OCD. I was a little confused because he didn't say why he sent this article to me, so I asked him what he was trying to get at. Basically, intrusive thoughts that replay like that are a form of OCD. Weird huh? I guess it makes sense though because we obsess over the event. He didn't prescribe any meds to me (and I didn't need them really), but the writing it out thing actually did help me to stop thinking about it. Try it and let me know how that works for you!

 

[Jules0408]

Oooh thanks for the idea! I have tried journaling before but seeing that I was writing the same things constantly kicked started the depression so I stopped. Thankfully I'm seeing a psychiatrist next month (hopefully I become a client) so I can get an official diagnosis. I will try the writing again though!!

 

[franciemarnie]

I kind of see thought loops or obsessional thinking as a form of hypervigilance. Like our survival brain sees the images of the thoughts and identifies them as Danger Now and sends out stress hormones to deal with it. I see it as our minds trying to fix what can't be fixed in real time. It's not happening now but our survival brain can't see it as past - only now.

I try to find something more powerful to derail it - work outs, mindful meditation, a riveting movie can cut it loose sometimes. You have to find the trick that works for you.

Also if your stress cup is already full and a small stressful event comes to mind, it might push your stress load over the brink and all that energy associated with multiple stresses gets erroneously transferred to an event that isn't really worthy of that much energy.

Just thoughts.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jules,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

Racing thoughts, rumination and the resulting insomnia are horrible, and I remember times of dreading nightfall. I knew I needed the sleep but hated the thoughts of the "sleep battle". There is an entire section of the forum, Sleep & Nightmares, where you will find information and member discussions about sleep issues. Also check out the articles and other related forums.

For me, I found that developing a routine (took some ideas from sleep hygiene) really helped. I hope you find something here that helps you.

Take care.

Debbie