Unsure Of Diagnosis In General

[surviving_it_all]

This is a very LONG POST.

Current:
My current therapist is a licensed social worker. I am sure this gives him more experience than most all people, but he cannot truly diagnose anything. He calls my overall experiences CPTSD. I am not sure if this is true.

History:
I think my problems began when I was younger. From birth to 18, I suffered and saw horrible abuse. I worked at a very young age. I saw horrific things. It was hard to deal with. As most teens, I was suicidal at times. These suicidal fits always began after huge blowups with my mother. My mom is undiagnosed, but believes wholeheartedly that "the people" follow her for her bible studies. I had to be the parent and friend to her too much. It broke me. It made me leave whenever I got the chance. Who wants to deal with that?

At 18, I moved to cross country to take care of my older sister. She had a mental breakdown and drove three days cross country with her children because she was paranoid. When she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, I took care of her nine months. I lived with my older brother who sometimes could get physically angry with me. I watched him and his current girlfriend physically fight each other. I was robbed at gunpoint. I lived in a bad neighborhood. I seen horrible things occur there too.

When I was almost 19, I came back and started using drugs. I had experimented with marijuana and alcohol as a teen, but I started hard core drugs. In particular, my cocaine use got extreme. I gave them up cold turkey and decided about three months later to start up school again at almost 20. Everything was going okay. My life was ups and downs, but I was responsible. I tried. I did everything I could. I would sleep here or there. I had trouble with stable housing. It just happened that way.

My father died. He was abusive and violent. It was not really so much his death that I had a problem with. It was rather the fact that all six children and my mother flew cross country and did not have the money to bury him. It took us 10 days to finance a memorial service. Luckily it was during spring break. It was then, that I started having major problems. One of my teachers told me to go talk to a counselor. My counselor believed I had adhd and recommended I go see a doctor. I went to a doctor. She prescribed wellbutrin. She did not really talk to me. She thought my symptoms to be depression. I chose to disclose my past addiction to cocaine because I thought it would help. My counselor and some teachers thought I was having ADHD symptoms. I took the medication, but it didn't help anything at all.

I ended up transferring to another university. The first semester went well. The second semester my cousin transferred to my school, and my aunt decided she would live off my financial aid with me. So she would not take out loans for her etc. It put me in a bad point. I started reliving memories of my mom, sister, etc. I ended up going to counseling at my school. The prescribed paxil. I quit my job on campus. I was feeling really bad. I started using marijuana and alcohol again. I began partying way too much. Later on that second semester, I was raped. I ended up leaving my school right before my 23rd birthday.

I just walked away. I had always had nightmares my entire life but they got way worse. Everything got worse. You name it. Old symptoms were multiplied and new symptoms appeared. I spent the next year doing absolutely nothing really. I eventually got myself together and started work again. I stopped the Paxil and everything went well. I got my own place. I started school. I was enjoying myself.

My grandmother died, and my mom came for a visit. She just didn't leave even when I insisted. It took me a year to get her out of my house. I started having panic attacks in august of 2011. I ended up taking lexapro and xanax, but nothing really stopped the symptoms. Therapy helped.

Problem:
I see how the frame of my history suggest CPTSD, but I am not sure if it is true because frankly my therapist is just a social worker. I seen a psychiatrist at my school, but that is always problematic because students are hypochondriacs in general. I am marginalized. I do not have the money to go see a psychologist and/ or psychiatrist to get me on the right meds that will actually help. It is frustrating. I was taking antidepressants this summer, yet my depression was way deeper than it is now. The xanax definitely helped my anxiety. I wish I had a go to anxiety med as the anxiety is more problematic to living a normal life. Therapy helps, but it is not with someone who can actually has the expertise of dealing with my very intense mental health issues.

I would like to know if anyone else has a similar story of trouble finding a solution to very real mental health issues. I would also like advice. I would definitely not like people advocating other diagnoses. This will kick up my anxiety. I do this enough.

 

[Delta62]

Honestly? I filed for social security disability benefits with a psychologist while I was in college. It made a lot of people mad, but after being in and out of the hospital so much I needed to support myself. At this point the diagnosis doesn't matter, it's that you get on the right medication(s) to control the symptoms and work through therapy. Also, file for disability, what's the worst they say, no? If your persistent enough and have the medical documentation to back it up, eventually you will get it.

 

[Brad1980]

Welcome to the forum,
I had a very difficult childhood . I found my dad dead in his car when I was five. Nine months later our house burned down and 2 of my sisters died. My mother was not much of a parent. I found her overdosed twice. I suffered severe emotional abuse as a child. My first suicide attempt was at 12. I started using drugs and alcohol to make me feel better. I was diagnosed depression and other emotional disorders. (it was before PTSD had become main stream) My mother in her addle mind chose not to do anything about my problems. They got worse.

I started running the streets. I got involved with some bad people. I witnessed and was part of some horrible events. My drug use got completely out of hand. My surviving sister had left home years before and never returned. She had moved and wanted me to come live with her. I moved half a continent away from my mother. I got clean for a while. I got suicidal again and life had become a horrible struggle again. I friend advised my to see a doctor.

I was broke and had no insurance and had no idea what to do. It was suggested to call United Way first call for help. They were able to hook my up with a doctor and a therapist. They were on a sliding fee so I was able to see them for very little money. I have some severe mental illness issues. I took a lot of trial and error with the meds to find the right one that work for me.

I am assuming you are in the U.S. Most major population areas have some kind of access to mental health professionals. Your therapist should be able to help find a doctor. The are some national organizations out there also that might be able to one of them NAMI google it.

PTSD has overlapping symptoms with other mental illnesses. Keep looking for help. From what you have written you seemed to be in a lot of pain. I know when I am hurting I don't always make the best decisions. If all else fails go to the hospital. It sucks but they can help. Good luck on your journey.
Peace