Relationship Update: Thoughts On Breaking Up, Feelings Of Guilt

[Nicolette]

I too had been in abusive past relationships and told myself I would NEVER allow another human to abuse me and somehow he managed (actually, I allowed him) to snake his way in and abuse me. I would hear myself say: But he wasn't hitting me, he was just grabbing my arms, shaking me some and yelling!!!

Sidekick what you have written here is very powerful.........you have taken ownership for your part in the abuse. You allowed yourself to deny what was happening by making excuses. Many of us do that and I have been there myself. My life changed when, as I have written before: I stood in front of the mirror, with blood pouring down my face, my now ex boyfriend standing behind me saying he was sorry and I asked myself "what did I do to let myself get to this point?". You have now come to a similar realisation and while it is hard being alone and sad, it does not destroy who you are down to your very core as abuse can do to the point where you blame yourself. I am proud of you for making one of the smartest realisations you could ever make and I am sure it will change you so that you will now accept the signs if you see them rather than ignore them.

Really, really good post.

Cynthia sorry for taking the emphasis off you for a moment but this is really good information for you in your current situation.

 

[A Nightingale Rose]

You are exactly right. I had a long-term partner suffering from PTSD and who is an ACOA, and one of the last things I ever said to him was that he needs to continue therapy and also take responsibility for his actions instead of using his trauma as an emotional crutch. When I told him he made me feel sad or upset, he blamed/accused me of not being supportive and told me he was "tempted to cheat" when I was "too emotional" (referring to when I told him that his behavior made me feel a certain way.) Him treating me disrespectfully is just that: disrespect.