I can totally relate. I feel like a yo-yo. It's terribly exhausting, disheartening, and frustrating. The war is within and it seems to be one battle at a time that I fight it just as the others have noted. I'm a huge proponent of one day at a time, but even with that, sometimes, it's one hour or one minute at a time. As Shimmerz noted, sometimes, it's moving a pinky that starts the process of unfreezing if you're in that mode. I find myself there a lot. So much self-negativity and fear. It's irrational, but as you said, the troops have to be functional and we seem to be challenged in our own ways in that regard. Yet, we have to fight on so that we don't lose the war.
I wonder if you kept an acknowledgement log of the days when we are very up and about, and productive if it would help. I can't seem to do this consistently, but when I am "shoulding" myself really bad, I do look back at what I've written/done and I also remember what my T has told me about days being on a sliding scale. Sometimes we can function at 20 and sometimes at 5, but that it's all good, at least we are trying.
Sending much self-care and self-compassion good vibes to you. Take care. VB
