Upsetting News

[Killashandra]

I have a girlfriend who has a mix family, 4 children in total, 2 her husband brought into the relationship, girl and boy, he has full custody of these children as the mother wants nothing to do with her children. 1 my girlfriend brought into the family and they have had 1 together.

Today she called and told me her stepdaughter aged 12 has tried to commit suicide twice now and had a stash of pills ready for her next attempt. She has tried to strangle herself.

This has been building up for a good 12 mths, she had problems at school and is considered a bully by the class, her parents have tried to restrict the bad influences in her life but to no avail

I have had a private chat with her as we have similar mother issues , and I openly and honestly gave her advice that I had hoped that she would listen to. She would like to meet her mumbut her mum doesn't want to see her her mum is mentally unstable and has been jailed due to her mental breakdowns and trying to harm others and is also a addict.
I tried to let her know that if she needed to talk I would be there for her. I wouldn't discuss anything that she spoke about with her parents unless I deemed it harmful. And I have kept my word until now.

I feel so unsettled and helpless, as this was the age I tried to end my life years ago. Not the first time. The first time I was 5 yrs old, but I have always had suicidal thoughts. My daughter is what stops me now. My daughter deserves to have a mum. And I love her and teat her entirely different to how my mother treated me.

I want to help but she's not my child . All I can do is support the family the best way I can which is care.

 

[carrieon]

My brain is a bit foggy, but you are a very good person for feeling their pain and supporting them.
My heart is sad for the poor girl, I hope she somehow comes out the other side. I hope she takes you up on your offer to talk - it would have helped me a lot at her age having someone who had 'been there' and survived.

 

[SoSadGuilty]

@Killashandra you have already tried to help and you have offered informed support and advice so there isn't really much else you can do. Perhaps remind the mum / girl that you are still there and still willing to help them get through this. Unfortunately as she is not your child there is little else you can do :(

 

[scout86]

Have they thought about getting some professional help for the girl? It's great that you're willing to try to be there for her, but it sounds like a very complicated situation for you. It's hard to be objective when the situation reminds you so much of your past. It might be better if she could work with someone who'd trained in how to handle situations like this.

 

[Killashandra]

@scout86 you are absolutely right. It's a difficult spot for me and potentially dangerous. I feel the same as @carrieon with it would have been nice to have someone like that for me growing up. And I'd like to think if I have at all helped in anyway that is better than nothing,

Good news is she has been assessed and has been admitted to the juvenile mental health system as an outpatient and will receive all the help she needs with experienced and educated people. This is far better than my childhood experiences so I do hope she had light at the end of the tunnel. They are organising family sessions and personal sessions for her and setting up a support network I also believe they are going to give her some intense training in a group environment to develop coping skills.

Thank you to all for y9ur support and understanding

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Killashandra One thing that I believe is common among people who suffer from suicidal ideation is the complete and utter loneliness they (we?) feel. When you're so far down that you've run out of options, it's very hard to believe it's possible to survive that all-consuming pain. So, for her to be able to hear your story must be very reassuring to her. I needed that as a kid.

The counseling will be a tremendous help for the whole family. And they are so fortunate to have your support!