Urge To Cut

[Muted]

We're glad to be here for you @recoveringfromptsd . It's an honor to help in any way that we can.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I can say the support everyone has given me has helped me a lot, this so hard I can't help b...

You're not alone. At a minimum, you have a team of professionals who care about you, and you have us here, who care about you AND who really understands what it's like. How desperate it is.

I would encourage you to "check your thinking," like you said, about not being able to take in that many of us see you a very brave, and inspiring. You say you don't deserve that because your situation is so dire that there's no other option. Sure there are other options: suicide is on the table, self-harming and being 5150'd is an option, not caring and faking and lying about it are things you could be doing. But instead, you put yourself in this box and it is THAT act that is the act of someone who wants to create a life worth living. It is sharing your struggle here that is brave and inspiring. Can you try to let that in? You are a fierce warrior, and that inspires others.

Like @Gia1019 said, it's an honor to be supporting you in this way. It's also a reminder, for me at least, to take my own advice.

Wishing you peace and love, @recoveringfromptsd!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be me again

I know I will never be me again, EVER. I am just aiming for improved a lot.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Sure there are other options: Suicide is on the table, self-harming and being 5150'd is an option, not caring and faking and lying about it are things you could be doing.

Faking my feelings or lying about them is no different than not trying, And once I start faking or lying about how I feel then they have to guess, and go with caution, so I would lose their trust when it comes to whether they can believe me when it comes to safety.

the one good thing my thinking has going for it, I am giving it a 100% +++++ try, and I am being 100% honest and open (not holding back).
because holding back means it just takes longer and the pain is extended.

Self-harming probably won't get me committed around here, due to bed space, but suicidal will. But self-harming will end my chances of getting better, and that would lead to suicide, and they all know how I feel, so if I was to quit, self-harm I can expect the a sheriff visit with mobile crisis to evaluate me, as my regular therapist has called them once before. Pausing with a plan I know would be accepted.

As I said I have myself boxed into a corner, giving me only one path and that is forward with the hard stuff, any other direction is likely going get me committed, at a minimum will end my chances of getting better. Worse case I end it all. But the chances of this happening are almost non-existent. I am too committed to getting better at the present, why else would I put up with the pain I am in.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I am too committed to getting better at the present, why else would I put up with the pain I am in.

THAT, right there, is courage my friend, and that is what inspires others. If you don't want to call it courage, call it DETERMINATION. Either way, by sharing your fight here with this thread, you inspire others.

Sending you love and light!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

:hug:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Lola Nocheprieta and @Gia1019 Tonight is one of the worse nights, I am sure you understand what I am feeling, having such strong feelings and not being able to alleviate the pain, and get relief.

It,s like a person who is starving the food is right in front but can eat it.

Sometimes I just want to get the relief over with, and I would have by now if I had not made it so I can't.

 

[Muted]

@Lola Nocheprieta and @Gia1019 Tonight is one of the w...

I'm sorry, your having a rough night...Is there anything you can do @recoveringfromptsd to take your mind off of things and relax? Hot bubble bath? Favorite movie?

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

You're doing DBT, right? What about TIPP skills??

 

[Muted]

You've done a lot of work on your other thread @recoveringfromptsd. It may have brought some things up.

Can you close your eyes visualize a strong container of some sort?

Then take all of the intrusive thoughts pain and memories surrounding your trauma and place them in your container.

Next, pick out the biggest and strongest lock you can imagine to hold and lock the container shut.

Bury the container if needed or place it in another container.

Let that part that holds those memories know that you will revisit this when you can process it with your t.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

The dive response first, getting your heart rate down, then the intense exercise, getting your heart rate up, usually wears me out. How about you? Have you tried that?

 

[Muted]

Hang in there @recoveringfromptsd. Lola and I are on your side.