Urge To Cut

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I don't know if I am going to be able to continue DBT, just found out today that my insuranc...

Oh no, I hope that's not the case! Praying for you ...

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Lola Nocheprieta Last night I had a really intense flashback after taking my meds and going to bed, I found myself scratching at my arm (I did that in hospital too and cut my arm up really bad with fingernails), I stopped it before any real damage was done. This morning I checked my arm and nothing visible. I am kind of upset it happened.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I can understand your feeling upset. It sounds like it wasn't entirely under your control if you had already taken your nighttime meds, AND you were still able to stop yourself! AND there were no visible marks.

That's a win, sister.

You're doing great; keep going.

Much love and support to you!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Lola Nocheprieta My Abuse therapist is going to see me every two weeks per my regular therapist's suggestion. She also suggested I try using visual containment strategies. Today is kind of tough having had my abuse therapy today, and getting triggered elsewhere less than 2 hours ago.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I feel like crap right now, been having some S/I type thoughts. At this moment if I was to be in public I might be impulsive feeling this way. Good I am staying in for the night.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Lola Nocheprieta and @Gia1019 This is such a struggle, I hate how I feel, I HATE HOW I FEEL, and there is no relief for me that does not have dire consequences. I don't think I can survive a year of this without losing it. I am thinking of just giving up, as I feel I just too damaged by this stuff to ever get better.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I'm so, so, sorry you have to bear what feels like unbearable pain and sadness. Like maybe you want to crawl out of your skin, out of your life.

Can you do a pros and cons?

((((((((((@recoveringfromptsd))))))))))

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

You can, you WILL get better. There is, in fact, such a thing as a better life. A life worth living. Right now you just have to take it on faith because it's so hard to imagine if you never felt it, tasted it, lived it.

Lighting a candle for you in solidarity.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Lola Nocheprieta It was really hard last night and it's the closest I have come to losing it and self-harming, but I did what the abuse T suggested last session to try to deal with this, and that is containment. I had to figure out how to do it, because I could not use my safe place as that is a refuge, or my anger room, I had to visualize something new, turns out it was a jail, where I moved them (abusers in my head) to the jail so the memories could not bother me, so I could sleep. Which I actually did.

I am still not sure I have the strength to do this for very long.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Lola Nocheprieta It was really hard last night and it's the closest I ha...

Wow, I'm super proud of you! That's a great one, I will have to try that myself, for when I feel like the abusers themselves are rights there in my head.

When I do containment it's usually for my own anxiety and fears, or unwanted thoughts and memories, and it's a whole long thing of stuffing it all in a bag, putting it in a chest with locks and chains, then rowing out to the middle of the ocean and dumping it overboard!

You can do this, @recoveringfromptsd. When is your next session? Your abuse counselor will be so proud of you. You got through a very hard night! Well done, you.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

When is your next session?

My next session is now about 2 weeks from monday, I also am having my PDOC put me on prazosin to shut down my trauma related nightmares.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Do you have group or anything to help sustain you over the next 2 weeks? We are also here for you but I am thinking of irl, and someone part of your treatment team.

Good luck with the prazosin, I've heard good things about it!