Urge to move

[twilight17]

I recently moved several hours away, but now I want to move back because it doesn't feel safe to me here. I went on holiday several hours away from where I moved to try to get a reset, and it did feel better, more safe. Don't know if i would feel that way if I weren't on holiday. It's quite different moving somewhere as a resident versus a vacationer. My question is... how do I know when to trust my gut? versus saying it's just the PTSD?

My therapist has said that I haven't described any actual threat in my new location and that this is a good time to "practice my skills." I don't want to keep moving if the threat is within me. But it just feels dark to me here. That's what my gut tells me. It doesn't feel good.

The place I moved from had a separate set of challenges like hypervigilance and various triggers, but I did feel generally safe in my home and surroundings.

 

[Freida]

No words of wisdom but I can at least tell you that you are not alone in that challenge

 

[FauxLiz]

Have you considered that this “dark feeling” in your gut is a different type of hyper vigilance? I have moved several times with ptsd to places that when I originally visited felt safe. What I have found though is once I move that safe feeling disappears for awhile.

Now this is my experience only and I am not saying to ignore your gut. But when we move whether it is 10 blocks or 1000 miles our brain recognizes the change on a very basic level. Everyday trips to the store are different. I may be different stores but the same brand as before it may be nothing is the same. All of a sudden our bodies and our brain must find new safe normal routes and patterns and until they do I am on high alert without recognizing it as such.

 

[twilight17]

The darkness could be hypervigilance, I don't know. I know there is hypervigilance too, but maybe the darkness is real. It's so hard to know what the truth is when it's complicated by PTSD. When I went on holiday from this place, I feel like I could breathe again. To me that seems to me like a pretty strong sign that I must leave.

I have been to this location before, but as a visitor. I had PTSD then, and I felt good and safe here at the time. I experienced symptom abatement. But my living situation was much different than it is now, as a resident. I thought this move would be good for my PTSD.

 

[Freida]

I thought this move would be good for my PTSD.

If I am to believe my T - moving is never good for PTSD, because it comes along with you. Until I stopped in one place long enough to start addressing this crap it didn't do me any good to keep running away and trying to find a place that was "safe".

 

[digger]

I recently moved

How recent is 'recently'? Moving is stressful for anyone, even when it's a positive move. Throw PTSD into the mix and I think it would be more realistic to expect some spikes in symptoms for a while. Perhaps too early to assess whether it's going to be 'good for your PTSD' longer term?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

. how do I know when to trust my gut? versus saying it's just the PTSD?

It is the little whisper in your gut that tells you what you have to do next. It takes time to learn to trust this feeling when it comes. It took me a long time to learn to trust that voice and it has really been invaluable in leading me in the right direction instead of going against this and finding myself with unintended consequences to myself so often.

I agree that moving all by itself is very stressful. You will find your way eventually to know whether this has been a good move for you but it does give you a fresh start for yourself and it takes awhile to get to know people unless you have already met some great people as a vacationer. I think moving to this place was a great idea. You just have to take time to familiarize yourself with your new home, your new enviroment and the really great part is that this place most likely will not have places that are painful triggers for you.

I do agree that we take out PTSD with us wherever we go and it feels like a catch 22 at times. I am wishing and hoping that it will all be okay for you and I think you are lucky to have made the good choice to a place that has happy memories for you.

 

[shimmerz]

For myself, everyday things become stressors when I move. Noises are different, placement of objects different. Outside is different. Stores are in different places. Different people.

Different = stress

Not because it is stressful at the core, but simply because I am overwhelmed with all the things I have to notice. To look for. Everything requires more thought.

So barring that your new place has a trigger in it that you haven't noticed yet (for me that would be an enclosed kitchen), then I would say that just the stress of all the newness is going to take a toll for a bit. Take things as slowly as you can. It may well be a very nice place to live once you have settled.

 

[twilight17]

Thanks kindly for your replies, it is helpful to read.

I do think you're right that I haven't given it enough time and am still just adjusting. @shimmerz my new place does have a trigger in it. I picked the new place because I thought it would be fine and not triggery, but it turns out it's not.

So it's not just the new location (which does feel dark to me, but may just need more time), it's where I have go home to each day that is the bigger issue. Finances aside, I know I have a choice and can leave at any time, and that is helping.