Vent I Feel Terribly Alone

[Spunky]

Hi Charon,
I really understand your feelings about feeling so alone. It is very hard to fight this battle when we don't have moral support from friends or family.

I would really like to have a companion that was faithful, loving, understanding, accepting, non-judgmental and that would just "be there" for me. Just someone to lean on or to hold me -- not to fix me. It is very stressful for me when I am with more than 2-3 people at one time. I get anxious and sometimes panic. So finding friends is a vicious circle for me.

I've also had the well-meaning people who told me that if I ever needed to talk, just to call them up. But they usually are not available to talk if I do call. And they don't call ME to get together just for a cup of coffee.

Maybe it is partly because our PTSD scares them. They see how long we have struggled and what we've been through and they are afraid they might someday have the same problem. I don't know the answer, but I do know that it can be very lonely.

Charon, you are among good company on this forum.

 

[Healing Survivor]

Hey Charon. Just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I appreciate your posts and feelings. I don't think I'm all that helpful but I wanted to tell you I care. Ok bye...

 

[Tessa]

Hi Charon,

Sorry you are feeling so lonely and down. Please hang in there. Your future patients will appreciate your depth of care. It is often by experiencing hard things ourselves that we are able to bring holistic care to others.

Take care
Tessa

 

[Clydiechick]

We are your friends

Hey

We all support you. We all know what is like to feel alone and that nobody understands us.

I agree you need to start looking after yourself, nurturing yourself and caring about yourself. You need to care whether you live or die.

I hate to question your choices, but is nursing a safe career for you right now? I just worry that it may not do you any good after what you have already been through.

I really feel for you and we are here to listen and give you support.

Take care of yourself, find yourself an interest/hobby no matter how little, something you really enjoy or something you've always wanted to do. Do it, it will help take your mind of things for a little while.

Clydie:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Lionheart]

When I was reliving the abuse events in therapy, I hit a stage of loneliness where I was convinced that the severity would kill me. I asked my therapist if a person could die from lonliness. I don't remember the answer, but obviously it didn't kill me. However, it did make me feel as if I might. I now experience occasional feelings of loneliness that are quite uncomfortable, but I realize that the original loneliness stemmed from being alone as a child, compared to my current loneliness which stems from socially isolating myself from others. Being alone gives me a sense of safety, but for me, it is a self-imposed prison sentence that keeps me from fully enjoying life. Whatever the reason for your loneliness, please know that it will pass and the severity will lessen as you reach out to others and while you may feel lonely sometimes you are definately not alone. :thumbs-up

 

[bonnecanyon]

I too have socially isolated myself. To the point where I don't know how to connect with someone anymore. But in a weird way it makes me feel safe so I keep doing it. I read some of your chat last night and you are going to be a GREAT nurse. It seems to come naturally to you and you are passionate about it. That's important. My passion went out the window a long time ago. . .

 

[Hen]

I feel incredible loneliness most days. This occurs even though I have a husband who loves me. I have the person there but still feel lonely. My psych says it is the ptsd that is affecting this. I joined a womens group and we meet up once a month to eat. I perservered for a few mths before i felt ok and now although it is hard to go each time it is getting easier. I also signed up for an adult ed sewing machine class, I am learning to spend time and chat to people without pressure as we are all there to learn to sew.

Well done on the nursing, an amazing and worthwhile career choice.

 

[Spacechic]

Hi charon,

It is human nature to want companionship. And due to our PTSD we take stuff personally. So say if friends don't talk to us or don't respond how we think they should we take it personally as though we have done something or something is wrong with us.
I didn't have many friends at school and still don't. I was bullied alot at school and at home. I find it difficult to make friends. Firstly because I think they will just not like me and second I don't want to handle rejection.

Even though I am now married I still feel like I am isolated and the odd one out. I dont feel as though I belong anywhere. And this to me only proves that I am a bad person.

Helping others is a great thing to do. I too want to help others. So for a long time I was part of red Cross. I used to go to old folks home and speak to old people who had no visitors. I enjoyed it. Because they were such lovely folks and I didnt understand why no one would visit them.

Good on you for your nursing.

Spacey

 

[ms spock]

I really don't expect anyone to read all of this, I just needed to get some of this off my chest. And I get to wake up tomorrow and look at all the happy people in my city who are un-alone. How do they do it? God sometimes I even hate them because they have girlfriends, boyfriends, sons, daughters, friends, lovers and these are all things that they just happen into, as if all these things are as natural as rain from the sky and like so many drops of water they take it all for granted. God this is a long post and I feel bad about it but this is all I have. Sorry.

I read you post Charon,

I feel for the time you are having and for feeling that no one will listen or understand.

ms spock

 

[suzie q]

Hey Charon,

I wanted to validate your feelings of loneliness. I have gone through and, continue in cycles to go through, feelings of severe loneliness and depression. Being a veteran, I understand how different you must feel after serving your enlistment. It took me some time to even relate to civilian conversation. I felt alone and misunderstood. After all, we were trained to be a unit, so where the h*ll was my unit?

My PTSD causes me feelings of not being normal or being unwanted. My disease tries to keep me there and I often will stay in a pity party for days. For some reason, I feel that I'm alone because no one likes me, when in fact, it is because I don't know myself. How am I to have relationships with others when I don't even know myself? My disease also tells me to isolate. Other peoples personalities and behaviors would trigger me into such anxiety! I used to go to bars by myself and enjoyed watching others relate to each other. My problem was, the more I went, the more I would drink myself into oblivian as I was being triggered over and over. I had to stop that and find other ways to be around people..parks, gym, walking on the track at a school, church activities, swimming, riding bike, attending fund raising events, etc...

I know you probably have heard all this stuff before but I do want to encourage you to get out of your head, take things in small doses, realize you are alone because you choose to be, and reach out here. We are not a bunch of losers who are sick and lonely and only have a life with this forum. We help each other and give suggestions for living life with our disease. You can too. I am not one who sits pathetically at the computer hoping someone will come save me or talk to me. I use this forum to get information and to feel validated. I'm not a loser and you aren't either.