Vent - I Left My Husband & I'm Scared

[Grama-Herc]

Where I live---- I went to The Department of Children and Families. The help available through them is amazing.

It was, however, one of the most difficult things I have EVER done. It wasn't the process that was hard---it was the actual asking for help.

I had ALWAYS taken care of myself! HA! I made a funny! Sorry, I get off the subject sometimes and can find humor in the wrong place at the wrong time, but it was funny!

It was hard to ask for help and to be so unable to handle my affairs, BUT, they did help and I am better for it.

Just know deep down that you did the right thing. You need to be proud of the difficult step you took. I can pass along a bit of advise that came from my mother who left my father. She never bad mouthed him to me and just explained that mommy and daddy were not going to live together anymore. That they both loved me and that I had done nothing wrong. Not bad mouthing the dad IMHO is the biggest thing

 

[catjudo]

I've actually found DCF to be less than helpful. When I wanted to report this most recent incident of my husband hitting my daughter, despite the fact that he is currently on probation and there is a history of abusive behavior on his part, I was told that I had to make the report through DCF's hotline. It took 3 1/2 days before someone even showed up to make sure my daughter was safe (of course, she and I were long gone). IMO that's ridiculous.

I've had little faith in DCF's services for many, many years. There was a time I even worked for DCF. I don't like DCF.

But, I do appreciate the suggestion and your supportive words.

 

[lrs]

Sadly, what you are reporting does not surprise me.

 

[Bettespaghetti]

I know and understand how you feel. They failed me and my children as well. At least there's a trail... it may help in the future.

Hugs!

Bette

 

[catjudo]

So, my husband has left our house and my daughter and I moved back home today. She had lots of questions and tried bargaining so that her dad could continue to live with us. She pulled out all of the expected things...he can just say he's sorry and never do it again; it's her fault because she shouldn't have hit him and she won't do it anymore, etc. I did my best to let her know it's not her fault, there's nothing she can do to change the situation, we all still love each other but this is just the way it has to be. She was having this conversation with me while we were driving down the interstate...really hard to fight back tears and drive at the same time.

Perhaps the saddest thing I've ever had to experience was her telling me that her daddy not living with us would make her sad and looking back at her in her carseat and seeing quiet tears roll down her face. She wasn't throwing a fit or carrying on like 3-year-olds do...just quiet tears rolling down her face. I know I'm doing the right thing, just wish it didn't make her so sad.

She kept asking to be able to see him so before he left town this evening she and I picked up dinner and met him at a local park. She hasn't seen him in over a week so she got to visit with him for a little while...she had some things to say to him (like not liking it when he hits her and that she's sorry she hit him, etc) and of course tried asking him to still live with us.

All in all a very tough, emotional day. In the grand scheme of things, he really didn't take that much with him. There's still quite a bit of stuff he'll need to take from the house but I guess we'll work that all out in the months to come. Next order of business...scrape together some $$ and find an attorney. :doh: