Sufferer Versed Ptsd

[Hashi]

keifer, we can only know what you tell us.

You've responded in a highly charged, emotional way that tells me nothing really, about the relationship of this to PTSD. I don't know what you mean by "Do 3 different people in the mental health field count" when you haven't mentioned these three people before, and are not explaining it now. I don't know what you mean by "not be paralyzed" - do you mean literally or figuratively? Physically paralysed but conscious of surgery? Perhaps, but I don't know because you're not telling me.

You might have been through a whole list of experiences that meet Critenon A but if you don't say that clearly then I don't know that. If you have and I haven't picked up on that, perhaps you could consider that you might not have actually said it. I'm just trying to establish what this is all about. But I'm as confused as before.

I do hear how emotionally upset you are.

 

[keifer]

Hashi didn't think I had PTSD. I don't accept it myself . I don't want to. It fits and I want to get better at times. But I have doubts.

3 counselors said I have it. 1 can't treat me. 1 I didn't like. I tried my last resort. I didn't even know what I had til they told me. I didn't want to admit it. I may admit now but I still have doubt's. Everything in that book fits all to well.

 

[Lucycat]

I have not heard the term versed - but yes, it was midazolam that I had. I would never have it again. I knew what I had at the time, and had read up on it, but it still took me by surprise and was not what I expected. I never completed the course of treatment I was having because of it.

I am glad you are strong enough to confront those that gave it to you. I rather feel there is a huge degree of ignorance within the professionals ( and I should add that I am a health care professional myself). This drug is not what I thought.

Where does 'versed' come into it? Is this what it is known as in your country - or a nickname?

 

[keifer]

Versed is a trade name for the drug.

I didn't know it was a dream until I woke up.
I'd prefer not to have that one or one like it again.

Ive had 1st responder training, I can handle any bloody stump or whatnot you throw at me. Ive buried my best friend, a fellow service man, my wolf dog. I can handle that.

I never dreamed of being scared that morning. I can't handle being violated.

 

[Lucycat]

Ahh ! That makes more sense. I don't think that name is used here.

 

[keifer]

Remind me to move down under. I've been to Perth and Fremantle.

 

[Lucycat]

I am not down under. I am up above!

 

[keifer]

When do the nightmares end?

 

[keifer]

If its ethical to be paralyzed and terrified and given amnesia without your consent by doctors, then suicide is perfectly ok. I'm so sick of this disorder and pain.

 

[keifer]

I'm no longer going to talk to my sister or two friends at work about this. I didn't cause this fragmentation of my mind, I'm not going to pay a doctor to fix it when it was caused by a doctor.

One of my friends think, I need to be hospitalized. To me it's like putting a rape victim in group therapy with rapists. I can't even fathom how that's logical.

I want to live but have no idea how. The base doc said to find a different therapist. Ok, I quit the one I was seeing as I'm unstable and not making progress. I didn't know there was a time table.

I had no options left when I went to my guide. To say find another and leave me in limbo is all great but I'm so past Humpty Dumpty it's not even funny anymore.

I tried EAP and none of them worked. From you just have some anxiety and depression, do these coping skills and you'll be fine. A month later, I just wished the pain would stop and I had put a bullet in my head the Sunday after my knee was scoped.

Another older lady thought I had TBI and I could tell, I just overwhelmed her. Needless to say, I didn't go back.

Temporary problem my arse. This pain will never stop. People with PTSD are never cured or healed. They will always have to live with that pain, that emotional scar. And it's unlikely they even caused it.

Apparently, it's ethical to kill, rape, and violated people in this world. Who cares about the damage left over. The ends justify the means.

I am the only one who thinks I've been violated. I no longer want to be part of this world where we say people have human rights but not really. Turn a blind eye and get over it. It happens all the time. What's the big deal.

 

[keifer]

I've isolated my exact event. Versed to paralyze, ativan to cause amnesia.

Through flashbacks and nightmares, I have a vague experience of being paralyzed, unable to do anything, say anything. I'm just utterly terrified, and all around is darkness and them. One flashback, I could feel images and was able sense it was a nurse and anesthsologist.

I will be adding a no benzo note to my med record tomorow. My knee is still another pain in my life. I will die before I every have surgery or any procedure ever again.

 

[StarChild]

Dear @keifer, I'd like to ask you why you're posting suicidal ideation on your introduction thread instead of your own suicidal ideation thread?.. I ask you this, because I think for new members who read these things in your introduction, it can be really scary. It even was for me, as I was that worried about your post #21, that I informed the staff about it. Precisely because it shouldn't be in a introduction thread, as far as I understand it... (I hope my words make sense to you, as my brain feels very dizzy, and to find the right words isn't easy today.)

I mean this thread of yours:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/im-tired-why-isnt-suicide-a-solution.37468/page-3#post-642045

I really hope, I didn't hurt your feelings, for that wasn't my intention. I deeply wish for you, that you'll find your way back to safety and security.