Sufferer Versed Ptsd

[Hashi]

I'm afraid I don't know what EAP means, and this seems significant but I can't comment because it means nothing to me. Maybe you could explain a bit more?

Temporary problem my arse. This pain will never stop. People with PTSD are never cured or healed. They will always have to live with that pain, that emotional scar. And it's unlikely they even caused it. Apparently, it's ethical to kill, rape, and violated people in this world. Who cares about the damage left over. The ends justify the means.

I'm going to say two things. The first is that what I hear from this and other threads/posts of yours that I happen to have seen is that you were given drugs without your informed consent, and the results of that were very negative for you.

I can only assume because I'm not aware of you ever clearly stating what happened and what has affected you. There's an aspect of that which makes me wonder about how you're identifying with PSTD, especially when you say things like

I am the only one who thinks I've been violated.

which makes me wonder if you meet Criterion A for PTSD and whether you think that yourself.

I also see that you are obviously in an incredible amount of pain and struggling very badly with suicidal ideation.

My wondering about PTSD is not to invalidate you, but to wonder if you're approaching this in the way that is going to help you most.

If it is PTSD, and meets Criterion A, then obviously that's the healing route that's best for you. If it isn't PTSD, but is still a very serious experience with a very serious outcome for your mental well-being, then following the PTSD route might actually be an unhelpful distraction. If all this is uncertain, then I think what would help you most is some clarity on this.

And I'm going to say something you may not like. You have continually declined to state a clear narrative of what happened. Two things about that. In my experience, putting things into a narrative is very healing. It's also gives a lot of clarity and helps identify what the issues are, for example they might meet a particular diagnosis or they might not. If they do, then that diagnosis can be very helpful to seek treatment and support. If they don't meet a particular diagnosis but you're pursuing that avenue, it might be doing you a disservice and keeping you from finding what you need.

I honestly have no idea because I'm still not clear about your story. So, quite willing to go with it either way. What I'm reluctant about is that I'n still unclear how this meets Criterion A and therefore PTSD. Putting in that context is up to you.

 

[keifer]

Thanks for the reply. My treatment was ended as I was told to find another therapist but I haven't found anyone. I resolved to retire and I will no longer be their problem.

 

[keifer]

As you have said many months ago @Hashi, doubts I have ptsd. I'll delete my account.

 

[Hashi]

I didn't ask you to delete your account. I suggested that more clarity was needed.

If it is PTSD, and meets Criterion A, then obviously that's the healing route that's best for you.

Once again, your replies are very emotional but explain nothing. I think clarity is needed for you more than anyone else. Otherwise you're simply drowning in emotion and don't have any perspective.

I'm not invested in what's going on with you. I think you need to be. I think you need to clarify things for yourself in order to find the best approaches and alleviate your obviously deep suffering.

So I invite you to leave drama to one side and think about what's going on with you and what's best for you.

 

[Bedbug]

I'm trying to follow this too. Have I got this right?

You were given Ativan to sedate you while you underwent a medical procedure. The procedure went badly and caused you a lot of pain. This, coupled with the fact that the muscle relaxing effects of Ativan had not been fully explained to you beforehand, led you to feel paralysed and in fear for your life. You were then given Versed to induce amnesia and prevent you recalling all of this later but it didn't entirely work as you still have partial memories of the extreme pain, paralysis and the feeling that you were about to die.

Is that what happened to you @keifer? If so, it sounds horrific.

 

[keifer]

They give you versed first to lightly sedated you consciously but so you dont remember. Then avitan later for retrograde amnesia and amnesia so you dont remember much post op either. I suppress my emotions.

Even though I dont have a memory of the event, I get flashbacks of being paralyzed and terrified of dying in the cold and darkness with them around me.

I continue to have nightmares which I suppress so I don't recall the next day to only frag!ends or I just suppress so I don't have to remember them. On flashback, I was able to identify the shapes in the background?

When I'm not having them, I really think I'm making this stuff up as I can't remember that event at all. It's like it never happened but the flashback of raw emotion and nightmares prove differently.

I have read my past posts. I normally have great description and notes about things as I'm a perfect attention to detail anaylst but now my mind fragments to where I read what seems to be written by a mad man.

It is very disturbing while your mind is fragmented and you can't write, talk, concentrate, or even know what day it is or even schedule and event is almost impossible? I'm not crazy but I wish I was dead just and the pain all this causes.

 

[Bedbug]

I am glad you came back to the forum. I'm not able to say much right now, but you should not feel ashamed or stupid. What happened to you was clearly terrifying and you are not responsible for putting yourself in that situation or for what it has done to you. I very much hope you are able to find a way to improve your life from this point on.