Very Nervous About New Job

[Bolt_On]

Today is the first day of my new job and I start in a few hours. I feel so anxious that I've been throwing up, feeling physically ill in general. I walked out of my last job (retail) after having a nervous breakdown because of how poorly I was treated by customers and coworkers alike. Even had a vendor sexually assault me while in the cooler in front of a coworker who did nothing. Ended up having a bad flashback after that, along with feeling like work is never a safe place to be.

I'll be working as a barista, which obviously requires a lot of human interaction. This terrifies me, because all I can think about is how this allows more potential for harassment. I desperately need to work, as I have no insurance or source of income all while I have to take care of myself AND my partner who is unemployed. It sucks so much that this was the only place that gave me a chance. I wish I had a normal brain that could handle the work environment and everything that it entails. Part of me just wants to not show up and go on disability instead, but I'll end up disappointing a lot of people.

 

[illusionist]

Firstly, I'd like to say good for you for keeping on, going on, and getting a new job....secondly, you are no longer in the same environmental as you were before. Take in what is around you....remind yourself that you are not in the same place, around the same people.....and breathe. Employers always expect new employees to be a bit nervous....so don't worry about appearing nervous...it's totally natural, especially for people who genuinely want to keep the job....so it's not a negative.

I don't know if you are in therapy...Havnt read your previous posts, and wanted to post as quickly as possible considering your time limit on this.....Anyway......even if it means this is your only means of support....please, please use it....as I know only too well the fears you may be going through.

The very best of luck!

 

[Ava Jarvis]

:hug: @Bolt_On - I'm rooting for you. I know how hard this is. I'm hoping for the best for you.

Whatever happens, I will not be disappointed in you. This is super-hard. :hug:

 

[Bolt_On]

@illusionist: I'll keep everything you said in mind. To answer your question, yes I'm in therapy. I've been going since November or December mainly to work on trauma related stuff and relationship problems. It was either start doing that or get committed to the ward against my will.

@Ava: thanks for the support! : )

 

[illusionist]

How did your day go?

 

[Bolt_On]

I feel really out of place there, like I'm an alien in disguise trying to learn how humans do things on Earth. That's about the best I can describe it. As for the work itself, I only did training the first day, mostly reading handbooks and watching video clips of their propaganda that tries to get people to believe they are saving the planet :meh:. I belong in a record store convincing people to buy Iron Maiden and Motorhead instead of that crap that passes for metal now or selling guitars/amps, things I actually know and care about, being around people that aren't okay with groveling like a servant for minimum wage as if being a barista was such a great career opportunity.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Things to remember about retail, which also goes for coffee shops;

- propaganda does not equal how your coworkers think

- your coworkers are much more likely to be just as livid about their jobs

- retail / coffee shops are not nice places to work and in reality no one is as happy as they seem

- mostly the reason your coworkers smile is because management requires them to, not because that's how they feel inside

 

[Bolt_On]

I understand not everyone buys into it and think like that, but it's not fun being in an environment where honesty is not the best policy.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Yeah, true enough.