I don't really know how to start this type of thing because I have never done this before. Well where to start I guess...I was in the Army for six years and was deployed twice to Iraq for a total of 27 months.
My first deployment was in Tikrit during 2006 where, come to find out, was the highest fatality rate since the war started and I was 19 years old. I was in a PSD (in other terms security) for a my battalion sergeant major and was extend to do a 15 month tour instead if the normal 12 because the government thought it would be wise to do so.
Fourteen friends were killed and I went to all except one of their memorials. Two of them my squad first responded to and with doing over 20,000 miles, you see, smell and hear death everywhere. There was an event that was literally life changing for me and the bottom line for my PTSD which I haven't told anyone but my father (who is a Major in the Marine Corps) and he cried.
I came back December 2007 and I was engaged to a guy who while was deployed with me, didn't understand what I was going through. The day I turned 21 was the day we got word one of the squad leaders I had, had been hit by a train and killed instantly. With having diagnosed PTSD, having a part of my "family" die was the cherry I needed to drink as much as I could whenever I could. After realizing my squad leader would have kicked my ass if he saw how upset I was and the way I was drinking, I decided to change my ways because I wanted to be as great of a leader as he was.
So after 11 months of being back home, I was forced to deploy again even after being told I wasn't. The unit needed the numbers to deploy so drastically we got people straight out of basic training in the company after we had been there for about 2 months. I was in the same location I had lost 4 very good friends and had to pass the sight every time I was on mission.
I had gotten married there as well and things went up until his xbox became more important than me. Needless to say I made a mistake yet we are still married. When we got back to the states in January of 2010, and in July I got pregnant and since I was in the process of getting out on a medical discharge for PTSD I stayed with that decision and had my son 5 days after I turned 24. Since getting out, I have lost a part of myself, my identity and self esteem along with self confidence.
My husband is addicted to video games and we were going to get divorced at the beginning of this year because he had started talking to other women. He also was diagnosed with PTSD and recently got medically discharged as well so trying to talk to him about anything is a constant struggle and leaves me feeling alone and helpless 98% of the time. While my son is only 13 months old, I try to put on a happy face for his sake but he sees right through me.
My nightmares have gotten worse, my triggers are effecting me everyday and I have a husband who lacks communication skills to put it gently and the only thing VA has done so far is increase my rating and approve my mortgage loan as well as give me sleeping meds but not effective counseling. But other than that it's pretty much feeling complete helplessness and undesirable to my husband. I came from a very verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive Italian family with a dead beat x step father and while I am fortunate to be able to keep distance from them, it seems like all I have is time with my thoughts and it's driving me crazy. I don't know what else to do or who to turn to so that's why I decided to try something new.
My first deployment was in Tikrit during 2006 where, come to find out, was the highest fatality rate since the war started and I was 19 years old. I was in a PSD (in other terms security) for a my battalion sergeant major and was extend to do a 15 month tour instead if the normal 12 because the government thought it would be wise to do so.
Fourteen friends were killed and I went to all except one of their memorials. Two of them my squad first responded to and with doing over 20,000 miles, you see, smell and hear death everywhere. There was an event that was literally life changing for me and the bottom line for my PTSD which I haven't told anyone but my father (who is a Major in the Marine Corps) and he cried.
I came back December 2007 and I was engaged to a guy who while was deployed with me, didn't understand what I was going through. The day I turned 21 was the day we got word one of the squad leaders I had, had been hit by a train and killed instantly. With having diagnosed PTSD, having a part of my "family" die was the cherry I needed to drink as much as I could whenever I could. After realizing my squad leader would have kicked my ass if he saw how upset I was and the way I was drinking, I decided to change my ways because I wanted to be as great of a leader as he was.
So after 11 months of being back home, I was forced to deploy again even after being told I wasn't. The unit needed the numbers to deploy so drastically we got people straight out of basic training in the company after we had been there for about 2 months. I was in the same location I had lost 4 very good friends and had to pass the sight every time I was on mission.
I had gotten married there as well and things went up until his xbox became more important than me. Needless to say I made a mistake yet we are still married. When we got back to the states in January of 2010, and in July I got pregnant and since I was in the process of getting out on a medical discharge for PTSD I stayed with that decision and had my son 5 days after I turned 24. Since getting out, I have lost a part of myself, my identity and self esteem along with self confidence.
My husband is addicted to video games and we were going to get divorced at the beginning of this year because he had started talking to other women. He also was diagnosed with PTSD and recently got medically discharged as well so trying to talk to him about anything is a constant struggle and leaves me feeling alone and helpless 98% of the time. While my son is only 13 months old, I try to put on a happy face for his sake but he sees right through me.
My nightmares have gotten worse, my triggers are effecting me everyday and I have a husband who lacks communication skills to put it gently and the only thing VA has done so far is increase my rating and approve my mortgage loan as well as give me sleeping meds but not effective counseling. But other than that it's pretty much feeling complete helplessness and undesirable to my husband. I came from a very verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive Italian family with a dead beat x step father and while I am fortunate to be able to keep distance from them, it seems like all I have is time with my thoughts and it's driving me crazy. I don't know what else to do or who to turn to so that's why I decided to try something new.
