General Vets + Spouses + New Years Eve

[I'll make tea]

Me and my hubby made a plan for New Years Eve, have a babysitter. The problem with this: It is not going to happen.

Why? Because my husband hates to go crowded and noisy places + doing some google-ing I learned that New Years Eve is not nice for people with PTSD.

Often H will promise me to go a crowded place but call the thing off in the last minute. He comes up with an alternative plan then but it never is that good as the original plan.

So what are we going to do? I think I will suggest that we make an alternative TOGETHER plan but it must be much fun. Sounds good?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

New Years....well that's right up there with the 4th of July!

You know what his limitations are, so make plans to do something he is more comfortable with.

 

[I'll make tea]

My husband likes to pretend he does not have a problem with New Years Eve / crowds / noises...

When we were newly married I was so confused because we would always make plans and then he would say we are not going and come up with an excuse like "It's is to cold / too hot / looks like rain / won't like the music / event is too expensive" and so on. Later he told me certain events startle him. I already know that... still he comes up with excuses. There is a 90 % chance he will have one on New Years Eve.

So I am going to let him have an excuse but I will tell him. "Let's make and alternative plan for New Years Eve TOGETHER... one that is fun for BOTH OF US... because, you know, may be the weather is to cold (we are going to celebrate outside) and we cannot go then".

Sounds like a good idea? Somebody has been there?

 

[amethist]

Why not plan a meal at home together, cook something special and enjoy it. Staying in with the TV on watching what ever clock is on count down.

New Years Eve has been a no for us for the last 7 years, and I have usually brought the new year on on my own, as hubby has gone to bed before midnight.

I have not been totally on my own though, as friends from around the world have joined me on the internet, chatting with me and enjoying the fun together.

 

[RussH]

I think both of you coming up with a plan is an excellent idea. I, personally, would go with a romantic dinner out, and depending on the babysitter / financial situation, staying the evening in a nice motel with a hot tub, some sweet goodies, then watch the ball drop on the TV.

 

[Barconian]

Just compromise...

 

[I'll make tea]

RussH, that sounds like great fun but we do not have the money. I am sure we will come up with something nice.

amethist, planning a meal together is a great idea. Happy to meet somebody who is in the same situation.


I sometimes feel like my little family is not normal because of things like this. I would love to hear from other people who have been there. Would feel less alone then.

 

[arfie]

I, too, have severe problems with crowds. For me, three is a crowd and I would dearly love to be able to predict my reactions to them, but life is as life is. I believe I benefit from challenging this limitation as far as possible at every opportunity, so I keep on trying. I find it personally devastating when my weirdities derail my husband's social calendar. Freakazoidus maximus.

I carry program materials to these events and my husband's compromise is to be tolerant when I need to disappear for some program work. When I am not even able to get my proper wife costume out of the closet, my husband keeps his plans on his own. For what it's worth.

 

[Barconian]

When your head is busy... It is hard to be around so many distractions, if that makes sense?

 

[RussH]

@I'll make tea if you can't afford that, then a quiet special dinner at home, and share a hot bath or shower together. The main point, don't make it a crowded night, make it a romantic night.

 

[nursenurse]

My Ex Husband and I weren't sufferers, and neither of us really enjoyed crowded nights like that out. Restaurants charge an arm and a leg for dinner as well, on New Year's Eve. If you have any close friends that are a couple, why not invite them over, if you would like a little celebration, if he would feel up to it. We did this with friends of ours for years, just one couple, so it seemed a little more than a night at home. And of course, if you can't or don't want to do that, I think a small intimate dinner for the two of you is a mighty fine idea. It's the being together that counts. Good luck.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@ I'll Make Tea, I can feel your pain. Supporters can get used to the cancellations and change of plans that come with PTSD, but it is extra hard on holidays and special occasions.

My vet and I are going to celebrate on another night. Besides the noise and crowds, as a combat vet, holidays are rough for him. They are usually anniversaries of insurgent attacks. We are trying the 'celebrating on a different night' thing for the first time now... we stayed in tonight, and in a few weeks we are going to spend a romantic night in a nice hotel suite with a hot tub. Not exactly a wild New Years Eve party, but still pretty darn nice. ;)