Victim

[Deleted member 37474]

My T says that when you feel that you are a Victim, you won't be able to heal and move on. So, I look at what happened and am not sure where this is going or how to process it. Who has healed and moved on? Do you no longer feel like you were/are a victim?

 

[Deadman]

I've never understood the whole victim vs survivor label furor. They are just words. What matters isn't the label. Its what you choose to do that matters. You can sit back and do nothing or you fight for yourself. Fight to get better. Try everything. Nobody else can fix it for you. You can find guidance and assistance but ultimately its up to you.

And yes. It can get better.

 

[Friday]

I've always rather liked the term 'victim' ... As it's past tense. Have I been a victim? Sure. Many times. There, there, there, there, etc. I was a victim of XYZ. I'm not anymore. Haven't been since the moment whatever the f*ck it was ended. Cheers!

As far as what being a victim feels like? :O_o: To me that depends on the nature of the thing I was a victim of.

No longer being a victim of XYZ doesn't mean there aren't lasting effects from it. Some good, some neutral, some bad. Just like any chapter of my life. The past affects the present, which affects the future. Choosing which effects to accentuate, & which effects to minimize &/or work around? IMO That's where it's at.

Spoiler: Slightly Off Topic

(Survivor, meanwhile? That one clings. :wtf: Ugh. Gross. Pass. I have enough titles that don't go away, thanks. And is constantly under threat from whatever twist of fate crops up next. Worse? Just because I used to be hard to kill doesn't mean I still am. Which is just this implied weakness & comparison that I far prefer to live without. And then there's the pure dumb luck factor. Plenty of those. And the surest way I know of to lose all luck, is to depend on it. And as much as I might like to think I'm a pissed off 19yo in phenom shape? That kind of thinking will get me killed, writing cheques my ass can't cash. I am old, and soft, and more than a fair bit broken. Which I need to account for in my strategery & shenanigans, or I might as well just walk in front of a bus. Accurate assement of strengths and weaknesses, and the appropriate use of both = necessary.)

 

[Ronin]

Victim is a statement of a fact.

You were victimized. Someone committed a crime against you, or in the very least treated you very wrongly.
There's nothing wrong with facts and how they relate to healing? They tend to be more assistive than hindering it.

 

[Justmehere]

Victim is a description of what happens to someone in a traumatic event. It's not an identity. It's not what a victim does or who they are.

For example, if I witness a crime, the term "witness" explains my role in relation to the crime. It doesn't explain what I am on an on-going basis.

I was a victim of trauma. I was victimized. I have symptoms about the trauma. But I'm not a victim anymore. I can't control everything, but I'm not helpless and in danger anymore. I feel helpless at times. Some have even grappled with "learned helplessness" - which can happen have prolonged trauma that someone can't escape.

The path out of that was/is learning on a somatic level that it's over.

If someone believes they are still a victim now in the present moment, they will generally stay stuck with high symptoms. The fight/flight/freeze/fawn trauma response rhat helps us survive when we are victims are also the same thing that fuels so many ptsd symptoms. When someone believes they are a victim now, their brain/body will hang on to those responses all the more in order to survive.

That all being said, recovering from trauma sometimes involves more than just believing one isn't a victim anymore.

I personally hate the term victim because it makes me feel so helpless, and despite my personal rejection of that, and the feeling, I still have ptsd. My healing has involved accepting and grieving I was a victim --- and this is possible now because I am not a victim anymore.

 

[Rani G2]

For example, if I witness a crime, the term "witness" explains my role in relation to the crime.

Absolutely!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm with your therapist. When you feel like a victim, you're not in control of your life. I don't feel like a victim. That gives me the opportunity to step back and look hard at the abuse I suffered, and at my abusers. I have hurt, bled, healed, and let go of most of the abuse. Working on the last bit now. With the help of hypnotherapy later this month, I hope to be done with all of it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I haven't made "victim" my identity.

I was victimized, and that's a fact.

But the word itself doesn't make me who I am.

I don't really identify with survivor either. A survivor means I'm alive and I'm still not convinced this PTSD crap isn't going to kill me.

How I feel is that I have PTSD and I'm fighting like hell to get better!

 

[Sideways]

It probably depends on the person and the bigger picture of their recovery path.

For me, being able to try and accept that I was the victim of CSA is really difficult. Coming to terms with it as fact, as reality, is important to me because the psychological element of my abuse left me feeling as though I should be grateful to my abuser. But I can see that it's deeply personal, and the conversation should be had with your therapist as to how you identify with what you've been through.

Feeling victimised, to me, would be completely different, and not something that I feel is either accurate or helpful, but again, that's based on my personal experience of trauma.

Are you a victim? could be either a question of fact, of self-concept, or of emotion, and each of those is going to vary from one person to the next, and one experience to the next, as will the question of how helpful that word is in either helping or hindering their own recovery.