Vultures

[corvidae]

also: you could change the WiFi password every. single. time. you use it, ensuring it's continued protection.

 

[Suzetig]

You can also change the name of your wifi identity so it's not traceable back to you, so if they do find the network you can say you don't know who it belongs to or what the password is. Don't let them see you on your laptop etc and tell them you use 4G on your phone.

As far as accommodation goes, you and your baby are already living in a closet room - so the thing that might change is how you can let him use the living space for crawling etc. Presumably people coming to stay know they'll be sleeping in the public areas of the house so will need to tidy up their stuff during the day and give access. I'd just arrive in the living room with a blanket for your little one to roll/lie/crawl and not even comment - I'm assuming they've seen babies before so know they need room? It may not be your preference but you can still do what you and your baby needs to.

To be honest, it seems like there will be conflict no matter what you do, so maybe commit to doing the things you need to, to keep yourself and your baby ok and let them get on with it. I sympathise - I've been in a not dissimilar situation following my mums death, it's a stressful nightmare but do what's right for you.

 

[Casey_03]

@Suzetig I think you're right that conflict is inevitable. I think I will just have to try and immunize myself to it. I hate conflict and confrontation, which is why I post so many things here seeking advice in such situations. The problem with the public spaces in the house is that I also have to work and can't work in a public space where there are many people around me (unless of course they all decide to go out). So whereas I'd usually let baby crawl/play in a certain room while I'm working (giving him many hours of play), I will now have to limit that time considerably, otherwise my work will suffer. BUT I did manage to move a dresser out of my tiny room, so he has a bit more space in there now. I am just worried because I know from previous experience that when relatives from England come in, they sit around and drink for days on end and make loads of noise. I also don't know them very well, so feel I will need to keep the baby more or less isolated from them and their commotion.


Everyone already knows I have Wifi because my sister decided to tell everyone. And they will see me on my computer because I work for a lot of the day/night. But I suppose I will just have to practice being assertive and tell them the WiFi access is exclusively for my work and is limited.

In other words, there are solutions here but as you said, there is going to be conflict either way. And I will likely have to be rude/assertive/bitchy to protect myself and my baby, and our space. Perhaps I should look at it as a learning exercise.

 

[Casey_03]

And now the other side of the family is vilifying me for saying I can't make it to visit relatives in another state because I will have to work. Yep. I would've been better off staying in Europe, far far away from pushy family members.

My sister booked this trip to another state months ago, when I was still living abroad, and I explicitly told her to count me out because I have too much going on. She booked it anyways and just told me to try to make it if I could. Well, she apparently didn't tell our relatives that she booked it without my permission. Because now that I've told them I'm not coming because I have to work, they are harassing me, literally. Blowing up my phone and getting really nasty with me. Accusing me of lying. Saying I have no excuse to not come. I explained that as the sole breadwinner and a single mother, I cannot risk losing my job, especially when I am already at my wit's end and nearing a nervous breakdown. And I was told, "Don't play that card."

 

[Suzetig]

And I will likely have to be rude/assertive/bitchy to protect myself and my baby, and our space.

I really felt myself react to this bit of your post, possibly because I go to that place of needing to keep the peace and accommodate everyone and feel like a bitch from hell when I can't. Even when this expectations are ridiculous I still feel like I should try to meet them.

I wonder if you could give yourself a week off from trying to put others first. It's ok to set boundaries, meet your needs and your baby's needs. Give yourself a day at a time - keep venting here or go wherever. I found that regular "seriously, is it just me" conversations with friends helped enormously to keep my feet on the floor - and ultimately I just stopped engaging. If they're blowing up your phone, turn it off or put it away for an hour - let them blow themselves out of steam. Don't get caught in the trap of justifying yourself, state your position and let them scream as much as they like. Don't excuse and don't justify.

It will settle back again, maybe in a different shape but in the meantime tell the world to f*ck off. I'd also say think about how you want to honour and remember your grandma in a way that's meaningful to you because it sounds like her memorial service won't be the place, if you know what I mean.

Keep your chin up :-)

 

[Casey_03]

It will settle back again, maybe in a different shape but in the meantime tell the world to f*ck off.

I think this is a brilliant idea, to allow myself to tell everyone to F off for a week or so. Because you know what? You're right. In addition to all the stress of taking care of a baby, I'm also grieving. And I deserve time to do that how I see fit. Thank you, you put a lot of things into perspective for me!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

My grandma died two days ago and already much of the family has turned into vultures, converging to se...

@casey, you say there is a Will and you have indicated that your grandmother has made her wishes known in the Will; hopefully you can utilize legal assistance (legal aid) in helping your deceased and beloved grandmother's Will and her wishes be carried out accordingly.

 

[joeylittle]

@Casey_03 - this could just be the mood I'm in...but no-one is being very considerate to you, so I'm not sure you need to be considerate to them.

What if you just moved up to the room you want? You're the one who has been living there.

Every time they tell you to move, stick with the "I'm sorry, that's impossible". "It's not possible for me to move". Repeat. No more info than that. You don't even need to be combative, just firm.

Wifi - something that will work for awhile, especially if no-one is tech-savvy: one, if there's a router make sure it's in your room if you can. Otherwise, hide it as best you can. And two: make the password as complex as you can (random, case sensitive if that's an option) - then, give them the wrong password. You could give them the right one but have the case be off...whatever. Do your work in private. If they aren't very tech-minded, say something vague about maybe it only recognizes your computer?

I know it sounds childish. But they aren't earning much more consideration than that. They will try to login, it won't work, just be minimal and polite in your responses.

Now, I might be giving shitty advice. I've just been aware myself lately of how I double down on being accommodating when no-one else is, and reading your situation makes it clearer to me. So maybe just quietly being as stubborn as they are would serve you well in the end.

Just a thought - take it with a grain of salt.

 

[Friday]

What if you just moved up to the room you want? You're the one who has been living there.

Coming to this late... ^^^ This ^^^

Why does your aunt -who doesn't live there- get to decide who stays where? Executor doesn't mean Empress. It means she can tell you not to take anything out of the house, or to sell the house. It doesn't mean she can tell you what to do inside of the house...that...you...live...in. You're the one who is living there. Everyone else is just visiting. If you don't want to take on the responsibility of deciding where all the visitors will sleep, but lettin people work it out for themselves? That's fine. But you live there. Pick which room you want you & the baby in, and move your stuff in there. Before the hordes descend, create a little bit of sanctuary to retreat to in your own home.

My 2cents.

 

[Suzetig]

Could not agree more.

 

[Fadeaway]

I swear, are you ever going to get a break? you deserve a vacation in the Bahamas for everything you have had to put up with for the last year.:hug:

 

[Neverthesame]

Yep.

She wants to dictate who sleeps where, she should stay home.
Maybe even invite some of the other relatives over and share the load.

You know what something is called that doesn't lessen a load?
A load.