Bodhisattva
Bronze Member
I have CPTSD due to a decade of childhood abuse(physically and emotionally) in my developmental years.
I came to North America from Asia a decade years ago, in order to learn about my condition, get a proper treatment and eventually help people like me. I have made a lot of progresses over years. And I appear to be a high functioning individual to most of people, I believe. But I'm still suffering a lot inside and I am so alone on this. I need to connect with people with the similar backgrounds to mine. I have many acquaintances, but I gave up on making a connection with people because my worldview, reactions and hyper-vigilance cannot be understood by most of people, so I learned to hide it in order to be considered to be normal. I have acquired many techniques to manage my anxiety, but I'm constantly triggered by so many things on a daily basis. Now I see this affecting my parenting skills to my child. I am compassionate and nurturing to my child, and have never come even close to what my parents have done to me, but my reactions to certain things are not healthy and I feel horrible about affecting my child because of this. I am tired, but still trying to find hope in myself. I have been doing this for almost my whole life. It strengthened me, but also exhausted me. Sadly, a long term trauma formed the way I am now, the way I think, feel and behave. The determination I made a long time ago is "I won't let my depression, anxiety and PTSD stop from what I want to achieve in my life." and I kept my words. I didn't allow my condition to be an excuse to give up on something I want for my life. However, this required me considerable energy. Sorry for the long spill, but I hope I will find someone who can relate himself/herself to my experience, and inspire each other. Thank you for reading my long spill. I wish all the sufferers happiness as we so deserve it.
I came to North America from Asia a decade years ago, in order to learn about my condition, get a proper treatment and eventually help people like me. I have made a lot of progresses over years. And I appear to be a high functioning individual to most of people, I believe. But I'm still suffering a lot inside and I am so alone on this. I need to connect with people with the similar backgrounds to mine. I have many acquaintances, but I gave up on making a connection with people because my worldview, reactions and hyper-vigilance cannot be understood by most of people, so I learned to hide it in order to be considered to be normal. I have acquired many techniques to manage my anxiety, but I'm constantly triggered by so many things on a daily basis. Now I see this affecting my parenting skills to my child. I am compassionate and nurturing to my child, and have never come even close to what my parents have done to me, but my reactions to certain things are not healthy and I feel horrible about affecting my child because of this. I am tired, but still trying to find hope in myself. I have been doing this for almost my whole life. It strengthened me, but also exhausted me. Sadly, a long term trauma formed the way I am now, the way I think, feel and behave. The determination I made a long time ago is "I won't let my depression, anxiety and PTSD stop from what I want to achieve in my life." and I kept my words. I didn't allow my condition to be an excuse to give up on something I want for my life. However, this required me considerable energy. Sorry for the long spill, but I hope I will find someone who can relate himself/herself to my experience, and inspire each other. Thank you for reading my long spill. I wish all the sufferers happiness as we so deserve it.
