Want To Walk Out For No Reason.

[missmary]

I've been doing so poorly with managing my emotions, focusing on tasks and handling the stress at work, that my boss emailed me saying that I'm a good worker, but if I can't get all the required tasks done to fulfill my position then she is going to have to find someone else who can. She offered me assistance to get me there, or to step down into an assistant role where I have no "benchmark" (sales goals) to meet.

As soon as I read that email, I packed up my desk and went into the bathroom and cried. I mean CRIED- the ugly cry! I wanted to just walk out and start over... I can't control my feelings in these situations and they are just so super overwhelming.

I decided to speak with a colleague about how I'm feeling and what I am dealing with. We had an hour long cry fest about it. She said she understood, and didn't want me to leave. She thought stepping down would be a good idea to help me alieviate some stress. She suggested I speak to the boss about everything.

I emailed my boss back explaining that I have PTSD, and what that means and how I just think that at this time I am not able to take on such a stressful position with what I am dealing with in my personal life. This was about a week and a half ago.

She hasn't replied, mentioned anything to me or anything. She simply sent a group email to the office a couple of days later stating she is taking over my desk. She told me nothing about what I am supposed to do now, and hasn't been in the office as she had back surgery on Monday. I don't know what to think. I'm left out of everything now and hear whispering through out the office all day. They commune with out me in hush-hush talk... There's been alot of phone conversations in the conference room behind a closed door and everyone's being nice, but not letting me in on anything. I may be over reacting to this stuff and it may have nothing to do with me, but I immediately assume the worst.

So I'm back to wanting to run again... What to do.

 

[maddog]

Oh MissMary, this is truly awful, a very sad example of how anxiety and misunderstanding can spiral into, most likely, unintentional cruelty and ostracism in the workplace. I've been there, it hurts, and it needs remedying, quickly.

It's absolutely crucial that you are provided with an explanation, by someone in appropriate authority, of what changes have taken place and what other decisions have been made concerning your position, most notably your current duties. If your boss (who should be ashamed of herself for the way she has handled this) is not available, is someone filling in for her while she is away? Is there another manager who would be aware of this who you could consult? It's totally unacceptable for you to have to continue with this uncertainty, whether you are correct about the nature of the office gosipping and whispering or not.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Sheesh, no wonder you feel like walking away! All I can say is hang in there until you can get an explanation and some facts to base your decision on. It's your basic right, so be prepared to push for it if you can.

And take care of yourself. This isn't your fault, right? Let us know how it goes.

Maddog

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Miss M, that is so sad....putting yourself out there and then being shut out.
Your boss must be very intimidated by the mention of PTSD. She probably has no idea of how to handle it.

I agree with maddog to hang in there until she comes back from surgery. It would be good for you to discuss the 'in the meantime' with her supervisor to find out what your role is now.

Stay strong...you can do this.

 

[missmary]

My boss came back from surger yesterday and had a couple of meetings with the people in the office in private. She responded to my email and it did not make me feel any better at the time. She had stated that she needs to hire a new staffing specialist to replace me, so that I can step down into an assistant role.

After the meetings, she came to me and asked me if I had a some time to talk in the conference room, so naturally I figured I was about to be fired or something! She pulled me in and told me that they are not going to hire a replacement, instead herself and the assistant manager will take over my desk, and she wanted to know what I felt comfortable doing. She told me what she'd like to see me take on still and asked me if that was reasonable. I was like- of course! They are taking all the pressure, but I still get to keep my main functions so this is just fantastic!

She then asked me how I was doing. Like, how was I? I just looked at her confused and stated that in the beginning when I accepted the promotion that I was in a place at that time to handle it. At first everything was going well, but as I progressed through therapy things began to get worse as stuff came up and work got more and more stressful as it's not a 9-5, it comes home and hangs out on the weekends and sometimes stays for dinner! She agreed, she said it's a demanding position with lots of stress and pressure.

I told her that after so long, I just smacked into a cement wall and everything boiled over. Just that simple. So now, I feel like I wouldn't be doing myself or the business any good to continue in this role at this time until I can get back on my feet and could deal with it better.

My boss sat there and told me, that she too came from alcoholism and abusive relationships. She told me some of her story and explained that I came to this company when I did for a reason. Something put me here at this time in my life for a purpose. She said that it's odd, but around the age of 30 it does just kind of HIT YOU and this happens to people like us. But to be assured there is another side and that I will get to it. And when I get to it, it will be a glorious moment, and life will shine brighter than ever.

She said that greatness is not something you develop or build or acheive, it's thrust on you. It's not a choice. And I have greatness, and when I come through to the other side I will have something not everyone else does, and it will be a magnificant gift to those I come into contact with. So she wanted to do whatever it would take to help me get right with myself. Whatever I needed to get through this- they were there for me.

I mean... WOW. You know? I never in my right would have expect this from; well, anyone! She forwarded me a link to a book she suggested I read: Codependants' Guide to the Twelve Steps: Melody Beattie, and I plan to read it. I read the first chapter and it hit the nail on the head so far... I mean, I'm not a 12 step kind of girl, but I'll give anything a shot!

I couldn't be more grateful to be where I am right now....

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Wow Wow Wow!!! What a fantastic turnaround!

I read Melody Beattie's "codependent no more" several years ago. Someone suggested it to me and I thought they were crazy. Turns out it practically described me to a 'T' and was a step in helping me see things very differently. I hope her Guide Book is as helpful for you, too!