sunlight7
Confident
Over the last couple days I’ve been thinking about my ex not about getting back together or communicating with them but about where they’re living and like what they are doing and it’s not a matter of me wanting to know because I care it’s about me wanting to know, so I can feel safe and try to avoid those places or just have peace of mind.
A part of my agoraphobia is I don’t feel safe because I’m afraid I’m gonna run into them. I mean it’s been two years and logically I know if they were probably going to do something they would’ve done it already, but just knowing they’re in the same town as me, gives me anxiety. I am working on coping skills with my therapist about how to feel safer to feel better about going out like making a safety plan in case I do see him, you know it probably won’t happen, but having that plan in place will make me feel safe. I googled his name just to see if he was still in the same house and it looks like nothing has changed. I don’t go looking through social media or anything like that. I have him blocked on literally every thing you could possibly think of and that will never change.
I don’t want to reach out to anyone in his family or anyone really, like I don’t want to ask a friend I don’t want to ask any of his friends. I guess I think about him maybe moving. Right before I ended communication he was talking about. Maybe getting a job someplace out of state but again I don’t think that happened, mostly because I think it was a tool to try to manipulate me with him thinking oh, she’ll not want me to go and blah blah blah we’ll that time it didn’t work . when I left his parents kept sending him money even though I told them he would just gamble it away and that’s what he did this was before I cut off all communication. So it does make me think if he wanted to move his family would probably help him but you know I really don’t know I again don’t think he ever wanted to go. He was just manipulating me or trying to.
I mean, maybe I would even feel better if I knew if he has gotten treatment for his addictions or trying to, just so that I don’t feel scared that he’s all drunk and mad and unhinged and unsafe. Because he would go out like that in public. I’m sure of it.
I just wish I had peace of mind. Most days I’m fine, I tell myself it’s been two years nothing has happened and I haven’t heard from him or his family. He hasn’t reached out to any of my friends to see how I’m doing.
I don’t know I had an anniversary this pass month and maybe that’s what got to me.
I have an appointment with my therapist next week but I just feel like I need it to get it out.
Is this normal?….. I just wanna know if I can go out and not feel like I’m constantly on the lookout for him. I’ve even thought of moving before but at this moment I can’t, and I really don’t want to because all my family and all my friends are here and I don’t want him to take that away from me or still being able to control me
A part of my agoraphobia is I don’t feel safe because I’m afraid I’m gonna run into them. I mean it’s been two years and logically I know if they were probably going to do something they would’ve done it already, but just knowing they’re in the same town as me, gives me anxiety. I am working on coping skills with my therapist about how to feel safer to feel better about going out like making a safety plan in case I do see him, you know it probably won’t happen, but having that plan in place will make me feel safe. I googled his name just to see if he was still in the same house and it looks like nothing has changed. I don’t go looking through social media or anything like that. I have him blocked on literally every thing you could possibly think of and that will never change.
I don’t want to reach out to anyone in his family or anyone really, like I don’t want to ask a friend I don’t want to ask any of his friends. I guess I think about him maybe moving. Right before I ended communication he was talking about. Maybe getting a job someplace out of state but again I don’t think that happened, mostly because I think it was a tool to try to manipulate me with him thinking oh, she’ll not want me to go and blah blah blah we’ll that time it didn’t work . when I left his parents kept sending him money even though I told them he would just gamble it away and that’s what he did this was before I cut off all communication. So it does make me think if he wanted to move his family would probably help him but you know I really don’t know I again don’t think he ever wanted to go. He was just manipulating me or trying to.
I mean, maybe I would even feel better if I knew if he has gotten treatment for his addictions or trying to, just so that I don’t feel scared that he’s all drunk and mad and unhinged and unsafe. Because he would go out like that in public. I’m sure of it.
I just wish I had peace of mind. Most days I’m fine, I tell myself it’s been two years nothing has happened and I haven’t heard from him or his family. He hasn’t reached out to any of my friends to see how I’m doing.
I don’t know I had an anniversary this pass month and maybe that’s what got to me.
I have an appointment with my therapist next week but I just feel like I need it to get it out.
Is this normal?….. I just wanna know if I can go out and not feel like I’m constantly on the lookout for him. I’ve even thought of moving before but at this moment I can’t, and I really don’t want to because all my family and all my friends are here and I don’t want him to take that away from me or still being able to control me