Wanting to Mention trauma-based anything without the room going Quiet

[CanDo]

So when I'm with my friends, I have those close friends who know my stuff, and I have all the other friends who are fun to chat and hang out with.

And, inevitably, at some point during outings or dinner, someone will get on the subject of weird medical stuff they're dealing with. Which turns into a fun-loving, free-for-all game of mine's bigger...medical problems, ppl, get your heads out of the gutter.

So everything under the sun gets mentioned from ingrown toenails that have apparently started tunneled through their foot and got wrapped up somewhere around their spleen to funny anxiety issues and weird muscle pains. These are youngish ppl, meaning around 30's.

And when I venture into the water, because there's nothing that makes you want to mention something you're dealing with day-in and day-out more than the feeling that you're not supposed to say it or that it's something you have to hide...silence, crickets chirping in the background and everyone looking at me like I've just grown two heads. Head drop--I should've just gone with something normal like, "I just had a baby, and it came out part goat."

Imagine a new mother, who wasn't allowed to have long, deep conversations with people about the size, weight and texture of her baby's bowel movements. Or an investor who couldn't trap unsuspecting ppl into long conversations about the dow average jones shorting something or other with the United BB corporation stock (a lot wrong with this, I know).

Is there a socially-acceptable way of accurately mentioning what you're dealing with that doesn't have any acronyms?

 

[Keming]

in my limited experience: no. people consider mental health taboo. folk don't understand it, so their reaction fits somewhere between 'uncomfortable' and 'scared of me.' not being able to talk about it without shocking people is just something i accept. if i seek validation, i'll seek it from people capable of genuine sympathy.

 

[Teasel]

I've found talking to others with PTSD works well for me.

 

[Friday]

Is there any topic you’re completely uncomfortable with? Either because you don’t know anything about it, or because it’s so BIG that you don’t want to inadvertantly say the wrong thing? Or, even bring into trauma-land for a moment, anything that’s so triggering you can’t talk about it, much less laugh lightheartedly over?

Okay... now how would someone broach that with you, so that you could feel comfortable chiming in, talking, & laughing about it?

 

[CanDo]

Point taken, but still ppl talk about anxiety pretty openly.

I got really excited when I found out I was hyperthyroid just because I could go around with a socially acceptable reason for some of the symptoms that were showing. (even though I knew it wasn’t responsible for them all)

After having to keep mum for a few years, I was suddenly informing the grocer and the lady in line that I had a thyroid and it was hyper.

I don’t normally feel the need to randomly divulge personal information, especially unseemly ones, but at the time the symptoms showed on the outside and I’d endured thousands of different opinions and theories from others about what it was, (some of them hilarious) not being able to tell ppl.

Taking dancing classes, my partner wasn’t the only one doing the two-step. I got away with letting them think I was just really shy the whole time, playing dumb. They seemed to think me some clueless Marilyn Monroe type, which is hilarious. But they were going to come up with something, and I couldn’t tell them the truth.

I had a thousand ways of evading personal questions including being downright ornery. I kind of like not having to. I think that’s where my desire to gently mention it in a conversation with friends stems. (and symptoms r much less noticeable now).

 

[Ronin]

still ppl talk about anxiety pretty openly.

Right... anxiety.

Not trauma.
Not trauma derived anxiety.

Not the worst of the worst moments of their lives, and how they felt, then.

and hey, if you really need to talk... Do. Sift through who stays, its not about you messing up the petty social games, more about them & their tolerance for whichever... which by the time they go, stops being your problem. Someone else will listen.

 

[Chris-duck]

Most of my close friends know I have PTSD, and some even have a vague idea why (mostly cos they were my close mates at the time too). We have discussed it on occasion, same as my friend has brought up her own rape, or my other friend finding her dad dead. But it's never brought up expecting anything from anyone there. And it's all old news to everyone except the person whose story it is, and ten years down the line we're all pretty comfortable listening to each others blahblah.

It depends what you're wanting from the people around you, and what your relationship with them is like, and how much they already know. I'd never go into any detail with my mates but I'm pretty able to be like "ugh didn't sleep, stupid nightmares" and have them get it without sitting them down and rambling for hours about how I feel and why and what trauma I've gone through. There's open, then there's over sharing.

I think to be able to mention PTSD and laugh about it, you need to be really comfortable in your diagnosis, plus pretty sure you can deal with whatever reaction. There's a difference between "ahaha I have PTSD right? And a tree hit my window and I had built a fort of furniture to stay safe before my brain caught up, haha. I'm glad I live alone cos that'd have looked insane ?" cos the focus isn't so much on your trauma or diagnosis, it's just a story with PTSD being background info. I can basically find a way to laugh at anything and make people laugh at it too, not sure I'd manage that with a trauma story though, trauma has a way of distracting from the lolz ;)

Just my long winded thoughts/opinion.

 

[Missycat]

I know exactly the type of conversations you mean. Im able to openly share anything thats a physical medical problem - in fact i make a funny tale about it and have a real good belly laugh with my friends or any audience lol. However when it comes to my trauma , ptsd or mental health im completely different ... dont talk about it unless my close friends ask how i am. I think its cos i cant find anything funny or witty about it and i can usually laugh at anything.
So i can understand how you feel.

 

[DharmaGirl]

What are friends?

 

[CanDo]

I don’t know. I guess I do feel pretty comfortable with it. To me it’s just like an injury without the cast. (depending on how it got there, for comfort level)

But if there’s someone I’ve known for a while and am comfortable with who mentions casually that their ptsd disability finally went through and I know they’re a vet, everyone seems pretty chill about it.

Not going into full Major Payne, “little engine that could” mode. Sparing the details, but just casually mentioning that it exists in an offhand way.

Mine isn’t war related and it isn’t physical attack. So I guess the downside would b ppl coming up w their own conclusions/guesses about what it was.

Dang, I guess I’m stuck with “anxiety” being the official mask for the time being.

 

[LuckiLee]

This is where my guy is different. He talks about it with all kinds of people. I'm not sure why though. I do know he's extremely proud of his military service and he probably does it to educate people. Just the other day he told our librarian his memory is bad because of a TBI he suffered in combat.

I used to cringe when he did it. This stuff is private. Now I'm in awe that he's open about things. The more people talk about it maybe it will take the stigma away??

You're right though because people's expressions change and some (mo fo's) even take a step back. Then they have conversations with him and people relax more.

XO

 

[Teasel]

It seems to depend too on the level of need behind the scenes? Like if you are talking about it in the same tone of voice you'd take about something that's no big deal, then others react like it's no big deal. Whereas if there is shame / discomfort / fear / need in your voice, others clam up?