Was Getting Rehabilitated

[Deleted member 38242]

I was doing good in school until my ptsd went full blast. In school getting A's and maybe a B. I had a surgery, and circumstances made me drop last spring. Then I was retraumatized badly, and its almost like starting over, almost at square one. Last semester I fought through wanting to die, and flashbacks until I almost went crazy.
I thought about taking this semester off, but signed up anyway. I am on disability, but wanted to go back to work someday, but if I can't even go to school I cant work. Today was my first day, and the same thing as before up all night, and stressed. Stressed like when I was in finals.
Im going to start medication this month, and therapy, but I cant go to school today. Infact I might only keep an extra art class for therapy to keep going. But Im almost 40, and a complete loser.
I've never forgiven myself for the traumas I have lived through, or the fact that I can't do what other people can.
I had a therapist who told me I shouldn't date because I'm beneath other working educated people as far as society percieves, and I should be alone until I'm working should be alone. Lots of shame around being disabled. She told me to lie, and not tell anyone I was disabled so they wouldn't look down on me. I was with her for 8 years, and then fired her last year just before I was retraumatized, and honestly she was a part of being retraumatized. I dont know if this is in tge right place, but I would like some help with my perceptions.

 

[The Albatross]

Well I'd work on this one for starters, "But Im almost 40, and a complete loser." or "I've never forgiven myself for the traumas I have lived through"

And then do some very fact based refuting on "the fact that I can't do what other people can." Because there are a number of people who for physical or mental/emotional reasons "can't do what other people can" however they can lead generally satisfying, beneficial and worthwhile lives.