Relationship Was It Even Worth It?

[somewhatstellar]

4 years 4 long and at times very HARD years, and he decides I am the crazy one! And that he can't take me anymore..

So he kicks me out, and I have to come crawling back to my parents house. How can he call me crazy? He is the one that needs help.. I do everything for him, and I mean everything. I clean, I cook, I take care of his dog... I make sure he is having a good day, and when he is not I leave him alone... Bahhh!!! I am so frustrated. I feel like a fool!! He says I can come back in a month and that I can't call him he will call me. WTF!!! seriously what are we five years old!

I am so upset so angry I don't know what to do. I want to cry, but I don't want him to know he has that power over me. I am angry because I am back at home, and it is horrible here. I have spent so much money, seeing a therapist to make myself be able to deal with him, and he treats me this way.. All because I got mad at him today, for not doing the one thing I have asked him to do all month!! I can not tolerate his irrational thinking... I honestly want to know if the person suffering from PTSD ever realizes the effect they have on their loved ones or are they completely neive to it? Do they ever realize how good they have it with a specific person. I feel like the last four years were not even worth it, because I was thrown out like trash. I feel like he treated me today like someone he just started dating and not someone he has been in a relationship with for 4 years and living with for 3 years. I am stressed out!! Someone help me please tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I work with people with PTSD all day, and then I have to go home to it, its extremely draining....

P.S. Government please stop sending home messed up people fix them before you send them home, and have them try to adjust to civilian life again, or please give them higher doses on their medicine and send some for their significant others too. I swear I am going to make an award for the Significant others of PTSD suffers!

 

[hopelives]

Big Hugs. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Also why does he have the right to throw you out? Sorry but as hard as it is. Stand up you have rights too. Don't go crawling back to mum and dad. You should feel free to go home to your home. I have been through 8yrs of dealing with a spouse that treated me that way. You know what I have come to realize in the last few days is.... I let him.

I let him treat me like I didn't matter. Well I do and it is time for me to stand up for what I need, even if that will hurt him. :(

 

[blackpearl]

Wow, I think you feel like my carer as well as perpetrator does.

I can't say if he has any control of him self or if he has ability feel selfish yet. But yes, one can feel bad not being able to carry the whole world. What I read is that you are only beginning to understand the stress PTSD is about with your experiences you describe here. And as you say, it's really hard, isn't it ?
It takes years before ones brain has recovered from that stress and while you suffer of it a lot of bad things can happen. At least me regret some things I've done, and that comes second, after surviving the worst. There has to be room for regret and empathy. It will come if he has that in his personality before he got PTSD. You have to have patience. I don't believe he does it because of selfishness, he's just mentally tired as you start to get your self. You either can't take it and show empathy then.

Maybe you have to decide if you will help him all the way or not. The responsibility you have taken on your self is important to fulfill, you can't just drop him now can you ? All my friends and family left me for example. It made me even more helpless... and difficult.

You say you have wanted him to do something a whole month. You must have said it one time too much. Nagging can get you beg for mercy in the end. Me too got very stressed of it, other wise I appreciated the housecleaning and cooking... Maybe he can't decide if you are helping him or not, one can be thankful for one thing, but get stressed of another. It gets frustrating and confusing for both parts.

You have to decide how ever.

 

[emmat]

In my personal experience PTSD doesn't make you blind to the world around you except during flashbacks. I've done silly or hurtful things in peaks of frustration or desperation but I've always been able to see after the fact that they were not appropriate and I've been able to deal with it effectively.

That said, in my experience people with PTSD do often project their fears/ hurt/ pain on to those close to them. It's not awesome, sometimes becomes abusive and no one should be expected to have to stand for it IMHO. To me it sounds like your partner is frustrated and is taking it out on you rather than realising that the frustration he feels is coming from within and is therefore punishing you for things you clearly haven't done.

He needs therapy to get past that and if he's not getting it then please put yourself first. Yes he needs help, but you have a right to a decent quality of mental and emotional health too. Do NOT feel pressured into staying with him by emotional blackmail. The moment you start ignoring your own needs and emotions you put yourself at risk. I gained my PTSD by putting the needs of my ex (who had anger issues, was very emotionally bullying and had suffered as a teenager) before my own and he abused that because he was too self centred to see he had a problem and refused to get help. I know how tempting it is to stay but unless both of you are working together to deal with these things there is very little you can do.