We Both Have Ptsd

[hushhush]

I just need to get this out. It weighs in my heart every day.

In September after years of on and off silent treatment by him my boyfriend said he wanted to end our relationship in therapy. This was just as we switched to a new couple's therapist who understood that trauma was involved (the previous therapist we had seen for about 3 years never touched on it).

From what I gather trauma makes me seek to be connected and makes him seek to be alone.

This has led to him abandoning me throughout the years in many ways from cheating multiple times to going off on a vacation with friends that we had been planning for without me with no notice based on a small argument the night before.

The therapist agrees with me that he's not in touch with his feelings or seeing things well because of his trauma. She thinks that he really does want a relationship with me but trauma is clouding his vision.

What's making this hard is that we live together and its been over 3 months now of the silent treatment. I never know when he's coming home (it's Christmas and SURPRISE! he never came home last night). I've made attempts to talk to him and its always met with silence.

And this plays right into my PTSD because any feelings of abandonment trigger me.

Most of my friends are his friends and no one is asking me how I'm doing. They don't see the cheating and silent side of him. They see the great guy who gave them a job and takes them nice places.

I feel gaslighted. I feel sad. I feel triggered. And it keeps happening every few days. I'm seeing a trauma therapist once a week but I don't know what to do during those days in between.

And I don't have supportive friends to share it with. What makes it harder is that I tend to isolate when triggered so even establishing friendship is difficult.

Thanks to anyone listening. <3

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not sure what to say, except I'm sorry.

And also that, I just know I'm very 'spongy', I need positive or gentle, sane stuff & people around me to get footing. Try as I may it's hard to regroup from negatives, like getting knocked down too or so many times.

I suspect healing flourishes more with increasing support & goodness, turning away from stress, negativity etc.

 

[Seasounds]

@hushhush, you are right, it can be so challenging to be in a relationship, when both you and your partner have PTSD.

I have a coping pattern similar to yours. What was helpful to me, when I was in a situation similar to yours, was to make and, slowly implement, a plan to move out on my own, or move into a friend's house-due to our history, I knew we could get along

Coming out of isolation, making acquaintances and friends, slowly turns into a new community. 12 step alanon groups,therapeutic supports-therapist, psychiatrist, and meds-SSRI and anti- anxiety, all helped to decrease my social anxiety and increase my ability to choose more balance friends and partners.

As you can't manage his PTSD, you can manage your PTSD.

In your own time and way, I believe you can create a happier home life for yourself.

 

[Powder]

How upsetting on a holiday to be abandoned by someone you love. For yourself, I would seek a nice place to move to for yourself, and slowly build a new nest.