Weaning Off Anti-depressants And Anti Anxiety Medications. How To Deal With Arising Feelings?

[ms spock]

Okay off to exercise again.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I went to wood working.

Nothing like working with your hands to help focus your mind on something soothing.
Keep it up gal, I'm still hanging in there, and it helps to know there's another kid hanging on the monkey bars with me.

 

[ms spock]

Then I went to an art exhibition for an hour or so. Came home and lay on the couch for an hour. Now off to a birthday get together.

Ah Bub I am doing it tough. It is not easy. How are you doing?

 

[ms spock]

The birthday get together went well. I felt connected to people.

I went and exercised this morning.

 

[ms spock]

I was going to visit a friend but she has marking to do. So I will go next Sunday.

I realise that it was not my fault that my parents abused me. I am loveable despite what they did to me. I can connect with people.

I felt like killing myself from about two years old. I felt so much despair. I felt so unlovable. I felt so lonely. A lot of this has come up.

The depression and anxiety that I am feeling is directly related to feeling unlovable and disconnected. I did realise that I need to address my social needs more after feeling better with social contact yesterday. The anxiety and depression is related to the SI, despair and lonely. I do feel lost in my life.

I am going for a hot beverage at 1 pm with an acquaintance.

One woman texted for a beverage and another rang to see what I was doing. But I declined. I need to do stuff and have other plans.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I really get your previous post Ms Spock, I'm in the process of addressing things like that in my life too.

Ah Bub I am doing it tough. It is not easy. How are you doing?

Just got back from 4 days at my Grand Parents' place in Bright, Vic, and it was fairly uneventful.
Just before we left, I called the parents to see if they had a key to our front door to feed the cats, and as soon as my father discovered my brother was coming he was like; "You could of TOLD me that he was going, I would have packed up the dirt bikes and come with you......I probably still could now."

I was like O :poop:, and narrowly avoided him coming up, but the interesting thing was that it was all about him, because my Grandfather has banned dirtbikes at his house since my father's last foray got my little sister hit by a car and she lost a kidney due to blood starvation. (Artery torsion during midair flight from car vs bike collision)

Interesting thing was, my brother was with me during that phone call, and both of us actually considered in that split second unpacking and cancelling the whole trip if our father came.

I got a lot off my chest this weekend, and my Grandfather finally learned why I cannot stand the sight of my father, and he was shocked to learn some of the things that had happened, but now he understands, and views me in a very different light.

Dealing with family is unpleasant, but my Grandmother has learnt during this trip how sensitive I am, and my Pop laid into her a bit when she was being too pushy, she has backed off quite a bit, so now I think my only real concern is my parents, and having to deal with them.

I am having headspins still, I'm exhausted, I vomited severely yesterday from ingesting meat in a pie, and my house has crap everywhere because the downstairs bedroom and bathroom has a ripped wall out of one side because of termite damage assessment.

We will need to move soon, and I really don't know if I'm up to it, the exhaustion is really taking it's toll on me and coming on here and finding the little red alerts is the only highlights of my day, next to when my partner walks back through the door.

I need to address my social needs more after feeling better with social contact yesterday.

I have a friend who runs a natural horsemanship clinic/stables out of Melbourne, and I go to see her.
She has been through some rotten abuse herself, and it helps knowing that her anxiety is lessened with my presence, and vice versa.

I might go back there this week, cuddling dogs, horses and chickens did help me, and I slept really well that night afterwards.

I hope you are doing ok Ms Spock, Ima feeling like :poop: right now.

 

[ms spock]

I was out for four an a half hours with a new friend. We went for a hot beverage. We went bush walking. We talked. It was great.

 

[ms spock]

At one point the anxiety was pretty overwhelming, I thought that I would have to go home but I held on and made it through.

The anxiety is here again now but I am managing.

 

[HëllaBubz]

My anxiety isn't too bad at present, but I'm just listening very carefully to my body right now, and I find that when I don't, I feel very ill.

I listened to my body earlier, and have munched my way through a bowl and a half of organic blueberries I bought from a farm on my way home this afternoon.

I think I'll need a little more of the peppermint tea, and then I'll sleep.

It's interesting that I've already been taking most of the things that are good for this stage of pregnancy instinctively, without even knowing that it was commonly used.

So far, everything I've done without consulting Dr Google has been really good for me, and done purely by instinct and listening to my body.

I wish dealing with PTSD was this straight forward.

 

[ms spock]

OK got up this morning. Meditated. Went for exercise. Had shower. Got dressed.

Managing.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Not so bad either.

Walked outside and felt vindicated for even stepping out of bed in the first place, it's blue and sunny with chirpy birdies and a light breeze occasionally.

Walked to shops, got mail, ran a few errands for the other half, now back at home, and going to crawl back into bed and try to ignore the state of the house......not much can be done about it unless we throw stuff out, get the other room back, or move house.

And none of those options I have energy for.

Where's a damn hammock when you want one?

So I was naughty and had a kitkat for a snack after a breakfast of blueberries, greek yoghurt and peppermint tea.

What do you do for meditation Ms Spock?

I don't know if I'm managing or coping (barely), but this sleepy thing is rotten when the anxiety won't let you fall asleep and your body is screaming for it after 12 hours of already solid sleep.

 

[ms spock]

I do breathing meditation whilst listening to a dvd or somesuch Bub.

I felt the absence of the medication today. I feel pretty stressed. I went to art classes and the SI, panic, anxiety and feeling bad about myself came up strongly.

I realised that whenever I have to make a decision that this stuff happens, it is a result of complex childhood trauma of the PTSD. It is the fear of making a decision that could get me killed. This was a realistic assessment of my childhood. It is maladaptive thinking as an adult. I did some refuting of my thinking and feelings. I thought things through rationally and challenged and rethought things again. I even got into doing some painting.

It is really hard for things to improve I have to do them and I have made barely any art during the last month.

It was a really tough day.

One of the woman said to me I was pretty quiet and I said I was a bit stressy and anxious.
I was HEAPS worse than that but I think I was appropriate - no use pretending that I am okay when obviously I am not. Later I told them I had had a infected tooth and had to have the breast cancer tests as my immediate family female members all have breast cancer. They told me about their mother's stroke and a daughter's illness and a husband's accident. So everyone had not been having an easy time of it.

I made it through the day, which was a big achievement.